Extreme Degrading

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 17, 2020

Ditto Bunnie. i too love your thoughtful and detailed response. It helps me understand the Dom perspective more to read it. And that's part of the challenge, eh? I.e., when it comes to anything D/s, the Dom may understand Their sub, or sub their Dom, but neither actually relates to the other because it is not who they are. And it's okay for me that you put degradation and humiliation together. For me they are siblings, if not twins.

If i think about what makes something degrading or humiliating, it always seems to have roots in social or cultural conditioning; in "norms." i have a pretty long list of potentially degrading and/or humiliating kinks, i'll just randomly select just one to try and illustrate my thoughts and feelings about this:

"Watersports." i see that one on lots of peoples list of "limits" even here at thecage, so even among some kinksters it seems to have an element of taboo? Various kink cultures have even assigned an innocuous name to an activity that is socially neither "sport" or "water." We grow up being conditioned to think and feel that urine is dirty (even though it's sterile). After a point, and as part of the 'maturing' process, we're shamed if we 'wet' our pants or bed. Wearing diapers beyond a certain age carries a stigma. We create special rooms with euphemistic names ('restrooms') where we close the door and hide 'relieve' ourselves. We invent special devices to deal with it (toilets), even though the plumbing to our toilets goes to exactly the same place as our shower and sink. i could go on, but with a little thought, we can all fill in the details to the picture?

So most of us have socially/culturally conditioned thoughts and feelings about urine and the 'elemination' of it, how it should and should not be done. Enter the Top/Dom (bear with me, i'm neither Top or Dom, so i don't relate, i'm just drawing understanding from ways i connect to Him as a bottom/sub) who has a 'kink/s' where He personalizes His urine as something special because His body has made it, that it's a part of Him. Not exactly semen, but something akin to it. Additionally, He enjoys the feeling of 'relieving' Himself, it's even pleasurable, there's an erotic component because it comes from HIs cock (anyone else find it interesting that all our organs we use for sex are also used for 'waste' removal?). He may hide His feelings/thoughts, because they are taboo, kinks, 'dirty.'
Enter the bottom/sub who has a kink/s where he personalizes a Top/Dom's urine as something special because His body has made it, that it's a part of Him. Not exactly semen, but something akin to it. Additionally, he likes, even loves, a Dom/Top's pleasure, and he perceives his Top/Dom derives pleasure from 'relieving' Himself. There's a decided erotic component to it, because it's coming from His cock.
The two meet and find they have this kink in common. Maybe they meet at one of those public places where the boundaries blur and people who are socially 'different' go to meet? i'm thinking of a particular beach that has foliage and trails, public, but with nooks and crannies. Maybe they met online and got to know each other a bit and decided to meet there? They are lounging in the sun together, maybe the bottom is naked, lying face down 'sunning' as the Top sits next to him, maybe with just shorts on as part of their natures is expressed this way (i.e., the sub naked, vulnerable, exposed; the Top/Dom in an uncompromised and overseer position). It's a nice day, and there are a lot of people out and around. At one point, when He knows others are watching, the Dom stands over His sub, pulls His cock from shorts and urinates on His sub. Some of those around grimace, others look on with interest, others still approach. The Dom is in full charge and invites those who have approached to participate, and some do. Some of those watching from a distance are now enticed and emboldened and approach and participate.
Okay, i'm leaving out a ton of layers and potential detail here, but hopefully have drawn enough of a picture to illustrate an example of degradation/humiliation? If i analyze this clinically, in a detached way, both Dom and sub are getting needs and desires met.

To me, this is an example that would make me feel and experience degradation and humiliation, and it would also result in my feeling respect and adoration for my Dom/Top... IF He was fully engaged. I.e., If His needs/desires were being met in the act/s. "Adoration" is one of the strongest bonds i feel with a Dom, and it takes mutual and Real expression and connection of mutual need/desire for adoration to be elicited in me.

Re: Extreme Degrading

Master Bastian • Jul 17, 2020

Being extrem degrading is hard for a stranger Dom, because what's boring to you, may be to harsh for another Sub. It's like dancing on a line, one misinterpreted sign, one mistake and the whole event is ruined. So most Dom are carefully checking out what's in your kink-zone and what's not. May need a few dates, until they got it right.

your last Dominator​(dom male) • Jul 21, 2020

The comments of NCarraway and FlipSide were excellent, But there is one thing that neither took into consideration just as most sub/slaves don't. Some of us are not wired to spit out humiliation on a moments notice.

Mika's wish for humiliation I have found to be very common. But it is not easy for the DOM.

It takes real work to prepare for such a scene. I will do the work and say the things that I wished I would have said to my ex-wife on the way out the door for the pleasure of my partner. In this situation people need to understand that the aftercare that we are giving our partner is also being given to ourselves. We have to confront our own demons after such a scene.

Playing the race card is another difficult subject for another forum.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 21, 2020

i almost started another post for this, but don't feel restricted from asking this here? Forgive me if this is a side road, not my intent.

i'd like to read peoples thoughts and feelings on what they think constitutes "degradation" and why they like?/want?/need? to give or receive it?

Master Bastian • Jul 22, 2020

@tallslenderguy
Of course there is a thin line between degradation and humiliation, to answer your question, please keep in mind that examples I provide are given from my own position (Slave-owner) and my own experience. What is degrading for a specific sub can be humiliating for another sub.

First of all I am going to split the term degradation in physically and psychological degradation, because both feel differently for me. Both can be paired and used together and physically degradation can always be psychological as well.

Psychological Degradation has a lot to do with power and control.
To have somebody available for my needs and favors 24/7 would giving me total control over the free time and the doing of another person, that feels intoxicating even if I don't use my slave. It's my choice alone if she is used or is not.
The degradation can also start with small details, to insist of a formal form of adress (Master, Sir) is already a small psychological form of degradation and feels like standing above the sub.

Physical
My long time slave, had this fetish to resolve commands literally, so I degraded her once by giving her the command to keep the same position in her bed over 6h.
She shouldn't move at all, but stay awake.
And she did so, in my belief. I had no opportunity to control her, I had to work. But only the fantasy to use her like a doll was crazy.
Pet games are the same, forcing somebody to act like an animal, is giving me control in this specific situation and can be degrading and humiliating as well.

I have a enormous feeling of respect that's given to me. And enjoy it to be in control.

TheDean​(dom male) • Jul 22, 2020

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tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 22, 2020

@ Reiddean

Would you expand on that thought a little? (aaaand you're fucking hot)