Tips on vetting

Tips on vetting

Flipmode​(switch male) • Jul 23, 2020

Hey everyone, I'm new to the BDSM community and was wondering if I could get some tips on vetting. I want to find like minded people to play around with in my area, but especially being a switch if someone dominates me I want to be cautious of who I'm engaging with. I have a pretty good instinct with my gut feeling and can usually tell when somethings too good to be true or when somebody's a bot. I always appreciate hearing and learning from other people's experiences though!

XRaven​(dom female) • Jul 23, 2020

Go to munches and be involved with your local BDSM community; they can vet a potential Dom. Don't jump into a sexual relationship without knowing the person first and talking about each other's limits.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Jul 23, 2020

Ask around on sites like this
Any decent Dom should be able to provide references!
Trust your gut not your heart or genitalia
Do not ever rush the basics , limits, boundaries, SSC at all times
If it sounds to good to be true it probably is !!!

Orgazmo​(dom male){serenity m} • Jul 24, 2020

Time will tell.

Unfortunately time requires patience.

Bunnie • Jul 24, 2020

I too am a firm believer in time.
Having your local community vet someone is great, however personal experience taught me to still pay attention and listen to myself also, and not fall into the trap of believing that simply because they’ve been vetted by the community that makes someone safe. Some people just require the right (or unlucky) person to trigger their crazy.

A rule I gave myself in regards to play was that I would never play with anyone until I’ve seen them play with others. Observing people is how I learn what I need to know in regards to whether or not I would feel safe to put myself in their hands, and also whether or not I would enjoy their style (eg. Sensual Rigger or Extreme Sadist... although there is negotiating, I still take these factors into account. A Sensual Rigger may prefer the type of connection I don’t like, or an Extreme Sadist may not have the type of control of themselves I require to feel safe playing with them... there are many factors).

In a lot of ways “getting to know someone” is like a negotiation, so I kind of treat it in a similar way. We’re both there for whatever reasons and we both know what we’re looking for. Simply being honest, up-front and discussing things clearly can often tell us what we need to know.
Never be afraid to say if you don’t want to move forward with someone... it’s not offensive... it’s respecting and honouring everyone involved.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jul 24, 2020

By all means, take your time and try to keep it local. No offense to the denizens of places like this, or any online social scene, but meeting someone from far away can be rather problematic when it comes to the vetting process.

Notely • Jul 24, 2020

Build a connection to make connection. Grow a bond friendship see get a connection meet them for coffee in public go bowling talk of the lifestyle and hobbies. See how they treat you and respect you then when both have exchange friendship in trust in energy both ways go for it.