How do you know? Only 3 questions for now

How do you know? Only 3 questions for now

NewLifeNewSub​(sub female) • Aug 28, 2020

Hello Sr’s!

😊 I like saying that! Sorry sorry got side tracked.

Anyways! I’m just discovering myself, I know now that I have a very submissive personality. I would like to be collard, spanked, loved and treated with respect and patients. I’m not sure on a few things and that’s why I’m asking it on here. Please if you can, the more I know the more hopeful I can be to find the right Dom/daddy/sr/master! I don’t know who would be a better fit. But here are my questions if you could! Thank you very much in advance 😊

Question 1: What kind of submissive am I??

What pleases me greatly is to take care of my person. Cook, pleasure and just want to make that person happy. I love hickeys because it makes me feel protected, owned And wanted. I would very much like to be collard (never been but I feel like I would be I love with the idea) I love rough sex and being loved on. Ass smacking, scratches, some choking and hair pulling is very pleasurable for me. I love to give blow jobs! I’m not sure what else I like because I’ve always been in a vanilla relationship.

Question 2: How do I know when someone is a Dom in public, are there tells or to you wear something?

And

Question 3: How can I show that I’m a submissive in public but not make if obvious to everyone?

I know only 3 questions but when I find out question 1 I’ll definitely have more!

Thank you so much for reading and if possible answering whatever you can or would like to.

Love,

A very new loyal and loving not collard Submissive

Keba​(dom male) • Aug 28, 2020

1. You decide what kind you are based upon what you are cimfortable with, although, what you're not comfortable with today could change tomorrow. My submissive wife was hesitant to be little when she 1st tried it on. Now she loves it. She can identify as a little girl when doing rituals.
2. google bdsm symbols. Its a real eye opener.
3. Google bdsm jewelry and get yourself something nice. Or bdsm temporary tattoos.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Aug 28, 2020

Q1, Do the BDSM.org test will give you a clue to what you are !

Q2, do you find yourself attracted to men outside of your “type” is a big clue

Q3, We know trust me, even in a crowded room our eyes will meet !

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 29, 2020

1. You could be a slave, but I've known many subs that just want a true Master.

2. All are either a sub or dom regaurdlessnof relations or how they dress. It may be better to pay attention to how ppl present themselves to you.

3. As per your personal presentation I'd say it would be good to wear a ring less collar to show you're submisive, but not taken. Granted as a Master that's the kind of thing I'd enjoy seeing, but I'm sure theres many other things that could be done.

For additional attention I'm open to questions from anyone looking to better themselves

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Aug 29, 2020

Question 1 only you can answer, the BDSM test might give you some insight but I would use it as a general guide

Question 2 yes and no lol, I mean I’m sure some people wear things that might indicate they’re in this lifestyle or it might just be that they have a vibe.

Question 3 there are symbols and jewellery with those symbols out there. My self collar is just a simple bracelet I never take off, but it might not be obvious to many. I also discovered one of my Instagram friends was into bondage because he’s a butcher and tagged beef shibari lol so you make discoveries all over the place

NewLifeNewSub​(sub female) • Aug 29, 2020

Thank you all so much!!! I will be taking that test and I will look up some more sites. A ringless collar is definitely something I will be looking into.

cannaMaster​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2020

1. The only way to know is experience the life you desire. With the right Dom you will feel free and empowered.

2. The only way to suspect a Dom in public is by their confidence. A real Dom has no interest in advertising.

3. My favorite question yet. Subtle public clues are the best. My biggest turn on is the seen and unseen commitments of a sub.

MrFulmen • Aug 30, 2020

The way some people talk can make it sound like there are five (or three, or whatever) kinds of submissive and you have to figure out which one you are. But that isn't true. There are myriad different motivations for submitting, styles of submission, rewards to be gained from submission, etc. Don't worry too much about figuring out what "kind" you are, but explore your own unique desires. Enjoy having conversations with folks who you're interested in where you talk about both of your fantasies and curiosities and fears, instead of trying to define yourself by a single label.

As for public signs, there are some, but not everyone recognizes the same ones. Someone else mentioned a ringless collar signalling a person who's available for submission, but where I'm from a collar of any sort suggests that you're "taken." It's safest to think of signals like that as being just a vague hint that someone might be kinky--something that you'd have to follow up with some conversation before coming to any detailed conclusions about.

Some of the more commonly recognized symbols are the Leather pride flag (used primarily by people who identify with capital-L Leather culture, but also often worn by other kinky folk), the BDSM triskelion, the hanky code (comes from men's community, but has been adopted more widely) and any obvious collar.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leather_Pride_flag
http://emblemproject.sagcs.net/Is.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handkerchief_code

And understand that the vast majority of kinky people will not be flagging most of the time. So while these little signals do exist and are fun to look for, this really isn't an effective way to find other kinksters. It'd work way better to track down your local kink organizations and go to a meeting.

Sportsgirl55​(sub female) • Aug 30, 2020

Hello. Great questions... It never hurts to learn and expand your knowledge.

1) You can answer this with experience. It does not have to be in person, either. This is a great community. I am certain if you asked some people you could enjoy some chats and messages that can help you understand and how you feel in different situations as a submissive. I have found experience to be the best way for me to understand what I am looking for in a BDSM relationship.

2) I have not seem anything specific about this in my time in the lifestyle. It is a vast community, and sometimes the person you'd least expect is part of the lifestyle.

3) Unless I am at work, cause I don't like my coworkers knowing my business, I wear a necklace with the BDSM triskelion on it. If someone notices and comments, I'm cautious, but willing to discuss it.

Hope this helps, good luck with your journey