How to start?

How to start?

Seasalt​(sub male) • Sep 12, 2020

Hi everyone! I'm Patrick, 23 and im here because long story short I think im ready to start experimenting qnd exploring this part of me if that makes sense. The thing is I dont know how to breach the topic with strangers since im both closeted and pretty anxious even if I know what I want. I've looked and there doesn't seem to be older guys close to me into this kind of thing, much less who want to be dominant... I can't and don't want to be assertive so thats a problem. I guess what I'm asking is how did you all start and do you have any tips? I'd really love some pointers so I dont feel so alone in this haha

Mark nw london uk​(dom male) • Sep 13, 2020

Mr suby, i like your pussy, my pussy is black and white.

Getting started. Keep looking, make some noise and get noticed, a dom will find you.
My previous subys and kajira found me, i wasn't really looking. there is a male dom-sub in the classifieds.

You need to stand out, head and shoulders above the rest. check out male-d seeking sub, check out other way round too.
Make your self a kick-ass profile, who are you, what are you looking for, make it clear where you are. Not too wordy, id get bored and swipe left or what ever you kids are doing. but you need to engage the reader. its like juggling an apple and a chain saw. there are online bdsm tests(google will know) which can start a raft of questions coming your way to make sure you and he are at least compatible. Don't forget a good handsome picture or ten.

Don't agree to anything serious until you're sure you have a future. Only agree to a trial period, say 2-3 weeks, then review. Take it slow, no rushing. Ask questions. what is expected from you. what is his dom style, bossy, easy, ball buster. make a
plan you both can agree on, make sure the words "temporary / get to know you trial " are clear and at the top.
Strangers, use oil of tact. drop some hints.

That's all i can think of.
good luck.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 13, 2020

i like what Mark wrote. So ditto that.

i'd especially ditto the write a "kick ass profile" advice. From the dates you have on your profile, you've been a member for close to a year now, but your profile has less of you in it than your forum post here? The less visible you are, the less likely people are to 'see' you. If you want people to connect with you, you have to give them something to connect too, eh?

Mark makes the point of not making your profile too long, but too short is worse in my opinion, especially if you are looking for more than a hook up. B i think the blogging part of your profile is a good place for you to make your short story long. Nobody will know what you want, need, or who you are unless you reveal it, show it. Your post here shows you have a certain degree of self knowledge and ability to articulate who and how you are, i'd suggest you use that.

Most of the people i have met here have been those who have messaged me because my participation in the forums. It's an indirect way for people to get to know you, so i'd suggest jumping in and participating in the forum conversations.

well wishes for finding what and who you need

Seasalt​(sub male) • Sep 13, 2020

ok yeah someone messaged me about the profile time too, thanks for pointing that out. A friend of mine saw it on my phone so I sort of panicked and got rid of it before I ultimately forgot about it. A Google search for stuff pulled the page up and made me wanna try again. So here I am!

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 13, 2020

i don't think you have done anything wrong or bad, It can be a scary thing. Openness is vulnerability, there's no way around that that i know of. But hiding, being closed means remaining unseen, unknown, unloved. People can only be attracted to and love the parts of us we show.
We hide from friends never really asking just how much of friend is the person we have to hide from?