BDSM on a "Need to Know" basis?

BDSM on a "Need to Know" basis?

DaddiesPumpkin​(switch female){Not Lookin} • Sep 29, 2020

Hi all

Okay, so I'm sitting in a long line at my local DMV... And this question popped into my mind & I thought I'd allow myself to be a little adventurous again today by asking this wonderful community their thoughts, opinions or otherwise on such topic.

Question: Do YOU feel as though your LS within Kink and/or BDSM is on a "Need to Know" basis with others in YOUR 'vanilla' life? If so, why? Is this information easily shared with some more than others whom do not live the same LS as YOU? If so, why?


Reason for my underlying curiosity would be due to having this 'want' to share attitude with a few people close me... But, my intuition is screaming at me Not to do it!! lol. I know these people would still hold the same value within my life as I would theirs♡ but.. Eh?! Idk... Let's see what y'all have to say

Thank you,
** in advance!!

Kore

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 29, 2020

i think the key is your "Reason for my underlying curiosity would be due to having this 'want' to share attitude with a few people close me..."

No one knows who we are unless we reveal our self to them, or they find out some other way, like reading our journal or something similar.

From what you say, these are people who are "close" to you, so it seems natural to me the you might want to be known/seen by them. On the other hand, your intuition screams "not to do it." my guess is that you know these people well enough to know their beliefs and standards might not align with yours. Most peoples beliefs and standards are connected to a culture they are part of, so differing beliefs and standards are not just up against them, but their whole culture.

i think It's a roll of the dice. You might find they have been hiding stuff of their own and your openness/vulnerability could open a door into a deeper relationship. Or, your vulnerability could be used to wound you.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Sep 29, 2020

I treat what goes on in my dynamic like I would if I was vanilla. Those in my life see how the man I live with and I relate to each other and find their own labels for it. The most I am towards being explicit is that I might refer to him as “the boss” or mention that he will be the one making the decision.

Obviously, I am a bit different with my therapist and doctors, but in general I stay closed mouthed and discreet. I wouldn’t shout details to the world if I were vanilla; kink remains the same.

switch hitter​(switch female) • Sep 29, 2020

I don’t necessarily tell people specifically that I’m into BDSM, but I’m pretty sure most people who are around me long enough have figured it out because I don’t have a filter between my brain and my mouth...and I’ve taught a few people at work how to tie a quick wrist restraint with oxygen tubing and leftover limb straps from body bags (I only demonstrate on the living)

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2020

No one, besides my Dom of course, knows that I'm into BDSM. Part of me would love to talk to someone in person about my experiences but I'm pretty sure most people would have issues with it. Being on this site has been wonderfully therapeutic.

Redfoxmask​(dom male) • Oct 1, 2020

man I hope no one around me finds out they would have a caniption. especially family members. its all fire and brimstone you're a sinner you're going to hell yadda yadda yadda etc. I have been in the lifestyle since early 90's and only 1 other person knows but we no longer on good terms and dont speak to each other so theres that.

Bunnie • Oct 1, 2020

Please listen to your gut... especially if it’s screaming at you. We can say “yes” “no” “maybe” “do it standing on your head on a full moon”... but we are not you, and we are not in your situation.

I share on a comfort basis. I know my family and friends love and accept me... however I learned very early with a friend and family member that although my lifestyle choices have become so “normal” to me, they can still be very confronting to those I care about and who care about me. It’s not that they find it shameful... they simply struggle to understand... much like as a straight person, I struggle to understand what it’s like to be gay.

So, we respect and love each other enough to simply accept that some foundations of our lives are different, and that’s perfectly ok. I share within the ranges of their comfort zones (“I met a guy,” “I’m going to lunch with a group of friends,” “yes I have a bunny stuffie tied up with rope lol” etc etc). I share slightly more in-depth in an emotional aspect with my sister, but not specifics... just as I’ve never shared details of my sex life with her or anyone.

If people ask questions out of curiosity to learn a bit more (as my other sister did), I try to answer to the best of my abilities, but not with an overload of overwhelming information. If they have their own curiosity’s, they’ll go searching for themselves. My goal is to always keep in the back of my mind to try to be a great representation of this lifestyle to the community, to help tackle the stigma, if only in small ways, that we’re bad people simply because we have different preferences.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2020

I treat my Lifestyle within the BDSM community the same as I would my money, political views, or religious views.
Privately.

My family does not know the dynamic I'm in with my Master. They see him as my boyfriend. I'm close with my mother, in the past I've breached the topic of BDSM and she essentially freaked out.
Made a lot of closed minded comments, and basically said the kink-community is full of murderers and rapists. (which we all know is far from the truth)

My friends I'm pretty open with, If the topic comes up, I'll breach it and if they are uncomfortable- I'll move on. Usually, I'm met with curiosity and questions.

Long story short: Much like everyone else- It's share on a comfort basis.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Oct 9, 2020

You don't decide what I need to know.

I always open up and state what I'm into. And BDSM is the least weird thing. Others open up about themselves. If someone is "weirded out" that's their problem. Very rare for that to happen. But if someone acts evasive just because I'm different I'd rather have them away from me. Most people just accept it easily enough. While doing that I inquire about them at the same time. Interest for interest.

If someone struggles to understand that's fine. But if someone REFUSES to understand that's an entirely different matter. One is ignorance. The other is not even trying to be understanding. Context is key. In all situations. Some people choose to be ignorant. Comfort zones aren't an excuse to ignore facts. Mine or yours. All your "normal" behaviour, the normal things people do that hurt so easily when they don't even realise, I point that out. Weird isn't bad for being weird. Normal can be why people get hurt. Often is.

Will you hide? Act like it's on others when you never revealed yourself to find out? Or do you face that fear and find out what the facts are as you weed out those that can't face you and those that can? Only one will have the balls to face you. And only one will be there through hard times. When push comes to shove.