Help for my Daughter

Zerospace​(dom male){Amalthea} • Oct 2, 2020

If she is in grad school, then she should have access to free mental health services through the university. It might benefit her to start out discussing her anxieties in a controlled session with a clinical therapist. Once she is able to recognize her concerns, she will be able to voice them and overcome them. There really isn't anything you can do for her. She needs to do it herself. Just encourage her to reach out and give her positive feedback for her efforts (i.e. "That's great that you thought about reaching out to these people" later becomes "I'm proud of you for reaching out" which later becomes "oh hey, you aren't home because you're out with people. Catch you later").

shahh • Oct 2, 2020

Talk to her about going to therapy. There are countless very qualified therapists who can work with her to identify the issues and find real solutions.

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Oct 2, 2020

A tender challenge for her to dare and live life.

Take initiative.
Her first challenge is to reach out to others in her classes.
Smile.
Ask them about the course or exams etc...
Then ask if they want to join her for coffee.
The only way to let others in, is to open yourself to them.

To them she might appear aloof and reserved.
This often happens when someone is very shy.
Others misinterpret this for being " stand-offish "
That's most likely the reason why the others aren't approaching her.

What she needs to do is reach out to them.

She's possibly afraid of being judged or that others won't like her.

Her " social anxiety " is basically fear of rejection.

She just has to learn that not everyone becomes a friend...but that shouldn't stop her from finding one friend who will care.

The best place for her to start making friends, is school...because she already has something in common with the others to speak about.

She can go from talking about the coursework to coffee to doing things after school.

The first common interest is school.
From there she can branch out and find things in common with her colleagues, after school.

Tiny steps.
First challenge won, will lead to more assuredness for her.
And before she knows it....friends..lots of them.
But that first step starts with her.

slavebilly​(sub male) • Oct 2, 2020

Kajirasubm: That's exactly what I told her to do! You just gave me confirmation! You did put it in s better way than I did to her. I'll read her what you wrote! Thanks and God bless!

Thanks also to Zerospace! Your message was confirmation too as well as helpful.

I'll talk to her about therapy.

Thank you all! You all had good things to say!

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Oct 2, 2020

Her first step is to not be so introspective.
Take that first step.
Before she knows it...she'll be running.

You're welcome.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Oct 2, 2020

My opinion, because I do not like people, or social settings, but am very good at pretending now after years of practice and observation.

She does not need them all to want to talk to her. She only needs to find one. It is harder to do, because you have to go through all the No's first. Which is more difficult than a whole room of Yes. But she probably already knows, keeping up will all those yes'es is going to be too much work in the end. Put in the work to find the one, and it will be more rewarding than trying to keep up with all the work of the many.

Also... books are better than people anyways!

Curious Raven​(other female) • Oct 2, 2020

You obviously love your daughter and want the best for her. Curious about her take on her situation. Does she want to make friends in her grad school program? Does she feel rejected? Does she have friends outside of school? Has she always had social challenges? I tend to think that people conciously or unconsciously pick up on how we feel about ourselves and respond accordingly. If we’re broadcasting intense discomfort with social interaction, then people kindly stay away. “Social anxiety” covers a lot of territory. If your daughter is open to it, I definitely agree that therapy would be very helpful.

slavebilly​(sub male) • Oct 2, 2020

Answers to your questions: yes, yes, never had many friends...now...no, yes

Curious Raven​(other female) • Oct 2, 2020

I think that’s more answers than questions LOL...but sounds like therapy could be very helpful if she’s open to it. As mentioned, there will be mental health services through her university. Also, depending on the location and her insurance, many other options. Peer support is also wonderful. There are often peer support lines, depending on location.

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 3, 2020

Billy, I am an introvert and when I was younger it was painful to even answer the phone. Friends? Not when I was young.

I didn't start to open up until midway through my first marriage. And even then it was slow going. Personally my confidence was so incredibly low that I didn't even know how to carry on small talk. Would have been petrified to even say hi to a stranger.

For me, confidence building was needed. I did seek mental health professional help. Fast forward a gazillion years and I have no choice but to be comfortable due to my extrovert Dom. I will say large crowds are an issue for me. I am much better in smaller, more intimate groups.

Hope that helps you,
Grey Eyes