Is there a difference?

Is there a difference?

SUBeneschamali​(sub female){in-trainin} • Oct 4, 2020

Is BDSM a lifestyle to you or just your sexual preference?

slavebilly​(sub male) • Oct 4, 2020

For me it is a lifestyle because it's not snout the sex. Sex is incorporated into the lifestyle, not the other way around.

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2020

Lifestyle. I’m not my Sir’s submissive only when we’re having sex (including foreplay etc of course).

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 4, 2020

Lifestyle. Master's wants and expectations always guide me, whether it be sexually in the bedroom or in the grocery store when I buy Kona coffee because it's his favorite kind.

MariGold • Oct 4, 2020

I agree with all of the above. I think those Instadoms who think it is just sexual are sadly mistaken. To me, I'd say it is at least 80% a mental state of mind and the sexual part is of course important but means nothing if the other needs aren't met.

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2020

Definitely a lifestyle for me. I am my Dom's submissive 24/7 even when we're not having sex.

SUBeneschamali​(sub female){in-trainin} • Oct 4, 2020

I feel the same way. I may be new to this lifestyle, but I find myself thinking about it a lot every day and how it makes me happy even just to greet Him "good morning."

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 4, 2020

Done that as a lifestyle. It's all consuming and exhausting. Now practice it only as a kink (not a sexual preference).

The original Her​(switch female) • Oct 4, 2020

I'm a young academic who's breaking into the professional world, and I don't have the luxury of devoting my life to kink. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not in it for just the sex, but I can't have my partner live with me yet (partially because I'd never get anything done with him around), but I guess I see it as a "lifestyle" when you're fully involved with it in every facet you come in contact with. I understand it's a mindset, I know I'm not a complete newbie to this all, and the fact remains that I just can't have it dictate much in my life currently. As much as I wish I could, I need to focus on more important things such as getting my career to the place I'd like it to be. However, other people have the capability to have their life revolve around their BDSM situation, and I feel very happy for them because it's not an easy thing to do. It's highly demanding, and if you're breaking into some dynamics that involve someone not working, it can be challenging for one person to earn enough for everyone involved.

I believe it's more common and accessible to have BDSM as a sexual preference, especially for the younger population such as myself, because we're in the phase of needing to work hard on gaining notoriety, money, fame, and all of that other bullshit. I don't think I could ever go into having my preferences as a lifestyle as well, but maybe that's just because I'm so focused on where I am for my career and life goals, and where I'm aiming to be instead.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 4, 2020

"I believe it's more common and accessible to have BDSM as a sexual preference, especially for the younger population such as myself, because we're in the phase of needing to work hard on gaining notoriety, money, fame, and all of that other bullshit. I don't think I could ever go into having my preferences as a lifestyle as well, but maybe that's just because I'm so focused on where I am for my career and life goals, and where I'm aiming to be instead."

Gain notoriety, young academic.

-Advice from an old ex-academic

PS: Wonderful post. You are absolutely spot on. D/s as a lifestyle is severely limiting to other ambitions. Been there, done that, won't do it again.