Yes, it's difficult for us to find a submissive too but at the end it's a matter of time. You may have to discard a lot of people, it seems that the number of fakes and people who only want to release themselves is increasing, but at the end if you don't give up you will find that someone that offers what you need.
I also find it difficult to find a true submissive. Like SilentMaster says, a lot of women that answer the ads aren't submissive and have ulterior motives. I would be willing to discuss the lifestyle with you if interested.
There are a lot of people on the web who join sites like this like tinder. They think submissive means easy lay so they make a profile and call themselves Dominants.
Most people that join sites like this are Tops or bottoms. They are interested in the BDSM play and have no clue or don't want a clue about the lifestyle. A lot of these people interchange Top and bottom with Dom and sub even though they are completely different.
There is no test or easy way to tell if someone is really a Dom or sub. You can always ask around, but that doesn't mean the person is really a Dom or sub.
If you are having problems finding that Dom or sub of your dream. I suggest talking to as many Doms and subs as possible. You are the best measuring stick on that perfect Dom or sub for you.
Its down to the talk and talk. Words bring the truth at the end. A true Dom or Top wont talk about sex until you bring up the subject. It wont ask for pics of your private parts, maybe your face. But all comms should bring you close to the connection.
Its natural that its a difficult and long process, after all you are going to submit totally to someone who will have your life in hand! so it must be a healthy one!
Hello all! It seems to me not different than searching for a mate in the vanilla world. The two key ingredients are honesty and communication. We each want/need something a little different, so it makes sense that not just any Dom/me or sub will do, and it takes Time and Patience to push through the crowd to find your one and only! Enjoy the hunt! ?
Time, patience and perseverance will win out in the end.
Although the journey is littered with time wasters,fakes and as mentioned above these are all on the increase once you have found what you seek and those that seek you it will all become a distant memory
Simple... To many horny fucktards believe this lifestyle will get them laid so they hop on here and send there dick pics out to all the subs expecting them to beg for Dez Nutz *gag and the fact that i just said that idiotic phrase*
Don't trust anyone who claims to be a Dom until you spend a long time talking to him. Check him out, see what he likes and doesn't. If all he likes is blow jobs and wants you to spend the rest of your life on your knees RUN. Dig into his head and see if he's someone that seeks your fulfillment, and your growth in sex and in general. If he wants things his way or no way RUN.
A good Dom will seek to expand your boundaries both in and outside the bedroom but will allow you to use your ultimate weapon, the power to say no. If he continues after you say no then he's an abuser and RUN.
A good protection from abuse is to work out a contract. The contract needs to line out your soft limits and your hard limits. It is not abuse for you to both agree on working to expand your limits, it is abuse when you say no and he does it anyway. The contract should include the safe words and that they will be respected. If the Dom breaks any of the things in the contract that they did not discuss with you ahead of time, leave. Plan how and when you will be submissive and in what roles you will be free. The contract gives you both a framework that you can build a relationship around. It is this relationship that will turn into trust. If is that trust that will turn into submission. One can't happen without the other. It is the abusers that will seek to hasten and rush this process that MUST develop over time. That's one key to spotting them.
Be careful because your trusting not only your body but your spirit, how you perceive yourself and your own self worth. Do Not give this power to anyone until you are sure that you both are on the same page and reading the same thing. But most of all do not give this until you trust them not to harm what you give.
P.S. never trust anyone who seeks absolute control over you body, spirit and mind. Experienced Dom know that these are given as gifts over time, the abusers seek them give at the beginning.
In my experience it is a matter of unmet expectations on BOTH sides. Ideas are formed from movies, books and porn sites -that are just not real. Fantasy never equals reality so the "TRUE " Dom or sub just does not exist. It is a relationship formed by the marriage of 2 souls and takes very many forms in the end. It is a negotiation of needs.
When and where it may happen is a matter of "place -time" good fortune. You must BOTH be in the right place and the right time of your lives to connect. One cannot force the other.