Genuinely Curious

Genuinely Curious

ThisIsTheWay​(dom male) • Nov 30, 2020

Hello, I don't post much on here but I do read most of the forum posts and what not.
I'm very curious on the women's point of view of mans interaction with them on this site. compared to dating sites or Facebook or any other platform.

Do men treat you differently here rather than on a site such as Facebook?

Does this relate to more forward sexual questions? and or just general rudeness?

What can men do to make women feel more comfortable in this lifestyle?

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Dec 1, 2020

I think the rules apply everywhere, don’t be a dick lol.

Approach a sub the same way you would approach anyone you have an interest in, politely and with decorum. Just cause we are subs doesn’t mean we want to receive crude messages from Dom(mes) we don’t know and the expectation that just cause they’re a Dom(me) that they own us as well is infuriating.

And unless a sub indicates the interest or is willingness to discuss it, personally I think sexual questions are a bit rude to ask someone you don’t really know that well.

Re: Genuinely Curious

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 2, 2020

I would say they do, but not in a bad way. There is a substantial difference this site and Facebook, et al.

This site is geared for those of like mind when it comes to relationships and sexuality whereas "general" sites are not. So men, and women as well, naturally feel free to be forward and act differently than they would on one of those aforementioned places.

Try the dom/domme/sub angle on Facebook and you might very well find your digital ass in Facebook Jail. Here if someone messages me in a "forward" manner, I honestly cannot complain because I'm on a kink site.

That make any sense?

Maybe this little metaphor: One does not go to a coffee shop and expect to be able to order a beer and ask someone to dance. One goes there for, well, coffee, and if they see someone they know, or just like, strike up a nice conversation and maybe something develops from that-- but that's not the purpose of a coffee shop.

Similarly one doesn't go to a bar or a club to just have coffee (that is provided they even serve it.)-- wear a goofy smile, and talk about the fucking weather.

Maybe this shit makes sense maybe not.

Oh before I go.. I have now been in here 3 years and I have never started a thread on here, so don't worry about not posting often.

Ms Rose​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2020

Most men on here are actually very gentlemanly...they’re polite but forward.

Re: Genuinely Curious

BabyTgirl​(sub female){Not lookin} • Dec 4, 2020

I have had some weird experiences on here. I even had a man say he wanted to "take my independence away" and he didn't even properly introduce himself first. I personally will probably not use this as a dating app. As it is very mysterious and many profiles don't even have age or a picture of themselves( which is understandable). So as for me this site is simple to make friends and have conversations and I will stick to the situation dating apps for potential bfs and Doms.

subCourtlove​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2020

Yes. I would definitely say that men treat women differently here than most other sites. I say that without ever having actually been on a dating or meet-up site. Due to the nature of the site and the fact that we are all here for common interests in what often is mistaken for taboo or different, that somehow allows some men to regard the women as automatic property or play things. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking a purely physical arrangement that is mutually beneficial, but even in that sense, I feel like mutual respect is important. I have met some awesome people on here and made friends, but I have also encountered many men who initiate a conversation by saying, “want you,” “you’re mine,” “kneel before me,” “have my babies,” “daddy’s here to rescue you,” and so on. In addition to blunt and assumptive statements like this, there are also men who immediately want you to disclose every sexual need and fantasy that has ever crossed your mind. Maybe say hello first. Introduce yourself. Take an interest. Ask engaging questions. Whether it be short-term online play or long-term relationships, getting to actually know someone can only enhance the experience. And thankfully, not everyone is like that, and there are people who genuinely want to know you!

The original Her​(switch female) • Dec 8, 2020

Hi!

I know BabyTgirl is also pretty young, such as myself, but I feel like I've seen a couple of threads asking women about their experiences with men on this site. All the replies on those were from women quite a bit older than myself, and so I'm happy to offer my view on this thread.

1) They clearly don't read (or believe) my bio. I'm not new to this, I have more experience than someone my age should have, and I have a damn good vetting process. I can tell that 90% of them are full of shit, and looking to take advantage of a young woman.
2) The amount of disrespect that I get after I tell them that I'm not interested is staggering. I'm used to college boys getting upset after I turn them down, but I'd hope that men in their +40s would be able to handle some rejection. It goes from them complimenting my beauty and intelligence within almost every sentence, to calling me a "dumb ugly bitch" because I'm not willing to move states for them.
3) I would *never* use this site as a dating site, like BabyTgirl also stated, and I actively try to steer other people I know my age who are interested in this scene, to other resources. It's not a healthy community from what I've seen and had others come to me about, for people in the younger generation. I'm at the point in my life where my academics and professional life comes first. I can't just drop everything to live the BDSM life that most doms on here desire from me, and so I'm happy with where I'm at. I met my boyfriend at my university, and I warmed him up to the thought of being my dom after we were romantically involved. That's the way that I've done it because of my age and responsibilities at the time, and that's what works for me.
4) They don't have enough respect for me, or they have way too much. I tend to get the two extremes of people either expecting submission or dominance from me instantly (yay, love being a switch, double the expectations), and nothing else. What's wrong with chatting first and easing into things?

That ALL goes to say that I know it's not just one-sided. I'm sure women and non-binary people also have issues that they need to work on, but I don't ever really get any messages from those gender groups, even though I am pansexual.