Is adultery a kink for many people ?

Is adultery a kink for many people ?

SpankMasterKS​(dom male){Searching} • Dec 6, 2020

Hello The Cage members , I had a recent thought after a conversation with a friend (Dom male ) . Is adultery a kink for many people ? What do you all think ?

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Dec 6, 2020

I think there are as many kinks as people out there.

The question is, does it fall under BDSM? At least based on my limited knowledge, BDSM is all about consent. So in an adultery situation, do ALL parties involved consent to it? If not, you are getting into a grey area.

MrFulmen • Dec 6, 2020

Cuckolding and cuckqueaning are essentially consensual adultery, and they're well-established fetishes with online forums with tens of thousands of members, plenty of points dedicated to them, writeups in mainstream magazines and such.

There are also a lot of people who get turned on specifically by the thought of cheating, and many who act on that. So you could call that a kink.

And of those folks, there are some who say "don't kink-shame me," as a way of deflecting judgment of their cheating. But that's silly. The point of not kink-shaming is to refrain from condemning things just because they're kinky. If you get turned on by something that is unethical, that doesn't make it stop being unethical.

Redamancy • Dec 6, 2020

It is for many people I think, or at least a fantasy. I had read a story on NSFW tumblr.... A woman in the community was in a relationship and they gotten married, she ended up finding out her husband had been cheating on her starting from the day of their wedding. He eventually divorced her saying that it wasnt fun cheating anymore and that the only reason he married her was to get the adrenaline rush from cheating.

MountaintopMaster • Dec 7, 2020

Yeah, I think the various terms / situations should be separated, in order to fully define it:

Wife-swapping, and various things that many would consider "adultery", (but where there is consent) ...are definitely popular, and fall into the category of "official kinks"...

Having an affair, or cheating, etc, on the other hand, where there is secrecy and lack of consent as the very foundation, usually, might qualify as a kink, but to the BDSM community itself, which is all about consent and safety and respecting all parties involved, ...I do think it would be frowned upon and discouraged as not welcome behavior within the community.

Technically, both of these contexts could involve BDSM, of course. It's almost apples and oranges.

Then again, what about the difference between "kink" and "fetish"? Is a "wife fetish" a thing? Oppositely, I think cheating in general is not a kink or a fetish, it's just a thing that desperate humans do...

Bunnie • Dec 7, 2020

Great question. I think considering how popular adultery is here, and in the world of on-line, that yes, it’s definitely likely that cheating on a significant other could be a kink in and of its own. How often that actually follows through into occurring in-person though, my guess would be, not as significantly high as merely staying in the world of on-line... so does that make it real or merely fantasy? It seems the lines shift and change... if it’s looked at as cheating, it’s not considered real... yet if it’s looked at as an on-line relationship, it’s considered just as valid as an in-person one. A kink though? Not sure. I’m sure for many in the on-line world, it certainly may become that way. However, off-line I imagine it would be a small percentage.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Dec 7, 2020

Bunnie summed it well for me.

I'd only add, If you cant tell a partner what your doing (on or off line) and know you cant, then its cheating! (regardless if you put a Fetishism label on it or not) There also then no consent from the other part of the couple. BDSM takes consent, it is a corner stone to what all SHOULD stand for....or should have consent, if we as kinksters and fetishist are ever to be seen in a more favorable light. Unfortunately we don't live a perfect world and people will label it what they will to make it easier on themselves. Its amazing what people can self justify in their heads, when it suits our purpose.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Dec 7, 2020

Consensual adultery is definitely a kink... is it really adultery at that point? Mr. Fulmen put it well, when it is transparent and consensual then it is given other names. Hot wife, Cuckhold are some that come to mind.

The "Kink" of adultery, cheating, doing something behind you partner(s) back and the "thrill" that comes with that, is just the sign of an immature and reckless individual. You cannot expect these people to have their shit together and it is appalling. Lying, cheating, hiding and getting your kicks all because your partner is ignorant to it is not condoned in this community, so when these people come slithering in here and try to find a play partner, it is not consensual and not met very accommodatingly. These people are not reliable and should not be in a relationship. It is abuse of the person who does not know, not to mention all the potential dangers you are putting the unaware party in (STD's comes to mind) you lie about one thing, you are bound to lie about others.

"Adultery is a Kink" to me is akin to "LYING is a Kink" ... it is not, it is just daft.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 7, 2020

There are many who think they can do anything, no matter how reckless or dangerous... and if they call it kink we all nod, smile and go away. Nope.

Not everything is kink. If you are flirting with death. Hurting people. Or stepping out on a loved one, then slipping it under the kink umbrella isn't fooling anyone.

As Eliza said, it really is about consent. And that has to encompass all involved. (even your vanilla wife) So when you step out on someone without their knowledge they are still involved.

But let's take it a little deeper.

Many come here for the rush of play, or sex. And the option of doing crazy stuff calling it being kinky.

But for many others this is about much more than that. It's about co-creating and being loyal to an actualized state of being. You each are authentic. You own your mistakes.. You fix what is broken inside you.

You are not a walking throbbing porn video. You are not Mr. Big Dick and all the women want you. You are not some fluffy bunny sex slave floating in a gossamer wings, angelic and magically knowing how to please any man.

You are people with jobs, responsibilities, failings and aspirations. You're dominant or submissiive. And most of all, your desire to get it right elevates you. So you invest in learning groups and attend big events where there are classes on how to do everything technical AND become your best.

It's a life journey and it asks a lot of you.

So when you come to the latter group of people calling it a Ds affair for example, you get no love.
When you say you've always been kinky but you married vanila and NOW you have needs? yea no cigar.

I get a lot of messages from men who are cheating on someone. Or have cheated in the past. I want no part of it. Cheating is cheating to me. You will find some on board with calling it kink. But you already know in your heart what the truth is.

Miki • Dec 8, 2020

Consensual "adultery" , ages ago I believe was called "the swinging scene" is kind of a kink in that it's hardly mainstream and is oft kept under wraps. There are groups of such people who do that amongst themselves. It is kind of a kink, as I said, but not all "kink" is BDSM.

As for the sneaking around kind of adultery, the "kink" in that is the "forbidden fruit" attraction. I make no judgments as to that or those who do so, but it's fairly well established such adventures seldom end well.