Should I ask for rules?

Should I ask for rules?

eager qt • Jan 7, 2021

Hi! First post.

I started exploring d/s with someone recently and it’s been the best thing. He says he generally doesn’t do much playing at the local dungeon. He has tons and tons of fun things and hardware at home, and I’m so happy about that, but I would love to lean into our dynamic some when we go back.

If he’s not going to put clothes pins all over my tits and then hit me across the chest with a whip over and over until they all fall off, I at least would like maybe a few rules to follow? Maybe I can’t talk to anyone until he decides to introduce me to them. I don’t know. Small things?

Anyway. Again, new to things, and I don’t want to “top from the bottom” but that idea has been making me so hot.I’m so proud that he’s chosen me and I’d like to show that in a public place. Also feel like it’d make the fun we have when we get home even more intense.

Thoughts? Should a sub advocate for things like this, or wait for structure like that to come to them? Would that be good, open communication or would it be over-stepping due to excitement? And if you think I should bring it up, how would you recommend starting that conversation?

Thanks!

NorthBelle • Jan 7, 2021

I was thinking the same thing too...like, I need things to happen a certain way, or specific acts to take place that...even though I am the submissive, its my pleasure too...I guess these things need to be communicated before hand, open and honestly before getting into the dungeon? Thoughts?

eager qt • Jan 7, 2021

Again, totally new to things and not really in a place to give advice, but... My tentative take is that expressing a desire to be more submissive in a situation and leaving it open ended for the dom to come up with the “how” might be okay. Of course, then you might be opening yourself up to God knows what depending on the type of dom you have

Sesten • Jan 7, 2021

As a Master, I'll tell you that one hot way to ask for what you'd like is to make it sound like you are suggesting it for his pleasure. For example, if it would make you hot to have him forbid you to speak, then before you speak to someone, ask him for permission. When he hears, "Master (or whatever you call him), am I allowed to speak to so and so?" he'll get the idea. "Master, here are clothes pins in case you should care to attach them to your slave's breasts." That kind of thing. He'll catch on to the fact that you are saying what you'd like, but it is kept within the Master/slave or Dominant/sub relationship. It will also probably turn him on that you are suggesting things that you want in a way that reinforces that his pleasure is what's important.

eager qt • Jan 7, 2021

What a wonderful idea. Thank you!

Sesten • Jan 7, 2021

Glad I could help!

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jan 7, 2021

Sound thought! My only add would be that rules need to be effective, useful, and agreed upon. Talk to your dom, and you guys work out some rules together ..and don't forget punishment discussions as well .... no telling what fun you might come up with!!

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 8, 2021

Just top from the bottom. Wouldn't such a thing feel right? As you have yet to speak ify him as your Dom/Master, tell him what you want

eager qt • Jan 8, 2021

That’s a fair point too... Communication is important in any kind of relationship, of course. I may just be over-thinking the ettiquite since all of this is so new to me.

NorthBelle • Jan 8, 2021

Me too...🥴