Miki
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3 years ago •
Jan 31, 2021
I may have missed something, but in reading the Original Post more than once, one thing stuck out. He vanished. Vanishing implies that he didn't call to say he's taking a break or that he wanted to try another direction, he just did a ghost-job..
If I were given to having relationships, that would have been a deal breaker then and there. If this were to happen to me, and the dude showed up a year later with some "You're the only one." line of crap, I seriously would have considered kicking him square in the ass and telling him to get lost. "Don't call me, because I sure as hell won't call you." BDSM, vanilla, gay, straight.. That means nothing. The guy did a ghost job. He can stay gone. Anything else is setting oneself up for a steady diet of disappointment. But that's just me. I can only comment on my gut feeling and what I have seen and heard around me, not from direct personal experience. |
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Online now
Emma the graceful(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jan 31, 2021
@ Miki
Yes that is what dawned on me. That was I was cautious and me being cautious, proved me right. He lost his temper, blamed me for shit I did not do and left again. So yes entirely right. See the thing I like to believe in the benefit of the doubt and give people a second chance but that does not mean I will let you pull the wool over my eyes or get away with everything. I will still be watching you, but in this case it is as you said a waste of time and energy. I admire the fact in someways that you do that, but also wonder if that does not make you hard and miss out on some people. Because sometimes there are the ones that deserve a second glance. Life happens, tragedies happen but if you then come back and put the effort in does that not change the outcome? |
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WholesomeWhore(switch female){SwellDaddy}
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3 years ago •
Jan 31, 2021
Hi Emma, so sorry this happened to you, that must have really sucked!
What strikes me about the events you have depicted is firstly, his terminating communication and all possibility of a future connection as a result of you (understandably) being a bit subdued following his year long ghosting seems utterly unreasonable and petty. Regardless of what he feels you have done wrong (or more to the point, done to offend him) it doesn't sound like he has communicated his point to you effectively - or at least he hasn't done a good job ensuring you understand specifically why he is telling you that you are the one at fault here. It also sounds like he hasn't bothered to give you an opportunity to make amends - did he explain to you what he required/desired for you to rectify the situation? Any individual worth their salt would at least give you an opportunity to make it up to him in some way before such drastic action, even if they still fully intended on terminating the relationship. In light of that I make my second point - it sounds to me like he realises he was in the wrong by disappearing on you the first time round and he is trying to find reasons to put the blame onto you to make himself feel better. By telling you that you are responsible for this second estrangement it alleviates any guilt he may feel and means he doesn't have to have a true and honest conversation with you about why he feels your relationship would not work, because if he truly believed he had been wronged by you, but that you both were compatible and had a real shot at a possible future, the very least he could do would be to afford you an opportunity to atone. Well, good riddance to him... he sounds like a massive twat! Sending you big hugs! 
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Emma the graceful(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jan 31, 2021
Sensualgent wrote: Hello Sensual
Thank you for your very sensible and comprehensive message. See, that is the difference you tried he did not. When I tested him and simultaneously the technology had a freak non transmission of any messages, he got angry and he said I had let him down and should appologize. But why should I apologize for something that was not my fault and I black and white proof. He just ended us talking then and there. Emma, thanks for your reply. You know many of us, if truth be known probably all, suffer from past upset or trauma that guides our actions for better or worse. Wiith patience and understanding I believe couples can move past these issues but that normally takes commitment from those already in a loving relationship. His previous actions and recent anger are certainly reasons for concern and it is he who has ended the relationship which I'm sure he will live to regret-- but you should not. The world is full of wonderful people who just want love and security. Give that to someone who deserves it, welcomes it and returns it to you wholeheartedly.[/quote] Sorry missed your comment but could have not said it better and even if he does not I know what I am worth and what is out there. I will not settle for less than a lovely and amazing guy. |
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Emma the graceful(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jan 31, 2021
WholesomeWhore wrote: Hi Emma, so sorry this happened to you, that must have really sucked!
What strikes me about the events you have depicted is firstly, his terminating communication and all possibility of a future connection as a result of you (understandably) being a bit subdued following his year long ghosting seems utterly unreasonable and petty. Regardless of what he feels you have done wrong (or more to the point, done to offend him) it doesn't sound like he has communicated his point to you effectively - or at least he hasn't done a good job ensuring you understand specifically why he is telling you that you are the one at fault here. It also sounds like he hasn't bothered to give you an opportunity to make amends - did he explain to you what he required/desired for you to rectify the situation? Any individual worth their salt would at least give you an opportunity to make it up to him in some way before such drastic action, even if they still fully intended on terminating the relationship. In light of that I make my second point - it sounds to me like he realises he was in the wrong by disappearing on you the first time round and he is trying to find reasons to put the blame onto you to make himself feel better. By telling you that you are responsible for this second estrangement it alleviates any guilt he may feel and means he doesn't have to have a true and honest conversation with you about why he feels your relationship would not work, because if he truly believed he had been wronged by you, but that you both were compatible and had a real shot at a possible future, the very least he could do would be to afford you an opportunity to atone. Well, good riddance to him... he sounds like a massive twat! Sending you big hugs! Hi Wholesome Yes, he did. He said I should apologize for answering his texts after 5 days, despite me being able to prove I replied as soon as I got them, which was 5 days later. Some how the transmission did not work properly. So he wanted me to apologize for something I did not do, which I will not. |
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IowaDom(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Feb 1, 2021
Ahhhh Emma, you already know the answer ... remember, trust your heart, not your head.
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Boo78(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Feb 1, 2021
Emma
You quite simply rock and he does not deserve even a flake of skin belonging to you!! His behaviour will be the failing of him and a valuable warning to others.
Boo x |
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Emma the graceful(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Feb 1, 2021
@ Boo and Iowa
Thank you for the lovely kind words. |
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Miki
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3 years ago •
Feb 1, 2021
Emma the graceful wrote: @ Miki
Yes that is what dawned on me. That was I was cautious and me being cautious, proved me right. He lost his temper, blamed me for shit I did not do and left again. So yes entirely right. See the thing I like to believe in the benefit of the doubt and give people a second chance but that does not mean I will let you pull the wool over my eyes or get away with everything. I will still be watching you, but in this case it is as you said a waste of time and energy. I admire the fact in someways that you do that, but also wonder if that does not make you hard and miss out on some people. Because sometimes there are the ones that deserve a second glance. Life happens, tragedies happen but if you then come back and put the effort in does that not change the outcome? It wasn't because of a bad experience. I'm just not "wired" for close relationships, so while I am missing out on a truckload of BS, I know I'm also missing out on somethng potentially special.. But as one for whom feelings are hard to come by, it's actually better for those out there to not have to deal with my more frost-coated side. I get the second chance thing and in your place I'd not hesitate, but the grabber was that a year had gone by. I dunno, I still would prefer to have issued a swift kick in the ass. |
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Emma the graceful(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Feb 1, 2021
@ Miki in this case yes I should have!
Thank you for sharing, as I find it interesting to get to know people who are entirely different to me. |
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