Eager but Cautious

Eager but Cautious

NoviceCanuck • Feb 14, 2021

I am an early 50s fit married male that has been in contact with a female dom through a dating website. This would be my first time, should I continue, in the BDSM world. The situation with the dom is that she asking for revealing pictures of myself while holding a sign that says I am her property. I understand the reason for doing this, but I have never met or spoken with this individual dom, merely conversations online. My question is: is such a request unusual from the dom? My main concern is that I would have no control over such pics once they are sent or what might become of them. Effectively would be sending the photos to a complete stranger to satisfy the contract of becoming her sub, to which I would then be invited to her dungeon for my first lesson without actually having met in person or spoken on the phone. The dom would have a lot of leverage over me given the delicacy of my personal situation. I am thrilled by the possibility of becoming her sub, but also realizing that I could be stepping into a minefield. Seeking informed advice.

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 14, 2021

You seem to have answered your own question by stating youd be sending the pict to a 'complete stranger's. It should also be known that a sub does not to be property to have D/a relations and by having you as 'property's while she is only referred to as your Domme is not how the dynamic usually works, but each case may be different.

Your post clearly shows a question of willingness to comply as a dire t result of being uncomfortable with this action. Ultimately the decision is yours to make, but I wouldn't want such a transaction between myself and a 'complete stranger' as trust and consent are always requirements of such relations

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 15, 2021

**IF** you decide to go there and take the pics, don't show your face. any tattoos or scars, try cover ALL identifiers. This will create another level of safety.
your a big boy, that has to make big boy decisions, only YOU can make those. I'm not going to lecture on the morality of the situation but there are things you can do to make you safe*R* (nothing your doing is 100% safe)

I'd also question how long you've known her and what you know of her situation. You say you met on a dating site, my next question would be is it a pay site? Did you pay for the contact, free sites are often hunting grounds and known for easy prey. Pay sites are often a *better* source and often the intention is dating. When a site is free the mentality can often be more throwaway. If caught soliciting (most sites ban it) their profile are banned. Being Free they loose nothing.
Can you make a phone call and call her? (you said no at the time of posting this, red flag. If thats changed, lesser of a flag)
Can you email and she answers rather quickly? or slowly (red flag)I'm posing these questions because this is a classic scam/findom tactic in short time frame of around a week (scam average is three days, any more than that, your to much work).
Additionally: are you sure she is even female? or of age (images are often on sold or used for bribery. Additionally married sub men are an easy target for non hetero quick satisfaction) your pics might just be for site or twitter to show she has "followers" and pay pigs. This is how the images are often gathered. Value of your images isn't often apparent until you do some digging. These pics within themselves have value to her.

Also ownership without meeting when your intending to met, Hmmmm there is another HUGE Red Flag. If your looking for casual hookup, your not going to collar them. If she is indeed looking for a submissive for less committed play on a regular basis, yes a collar could have its place...but most would want to met in person to assess "chemistry" FIRST before even thinking a collar!

You also mention "dungeon" so I'm going to guess this is a pay for play situation?. While some of us are lucky enough to have a room dedicated to BDSM most of us (Ladies) don't have "dungeon" (we have a play room) at our disposal (did she use this term or did you apply that term? If you applied the term then you *might* be ok. If *she* did I'd use caution if your after free. If your not after free, great disregard. NO SHAME in paying but I will add, if you where scammed to get to this point...what does that say about her ethics, safety or your security? Also if this is pay for play, there will be no "sex" or "happy ending" <depending on where you live>)

Honestly, think about this with your big head, can it be done to hide your identity? . It has the potential to cost you more.
Is it a scam or Fin? Can't say for sure but it does have elements of it and raises several red flags for me!

MrFulmen • Feb 15, 2021

No dom I know would ask for that.

Also, I've heard more than a couple stories of people being blackmailed that sounded pretty similar.

If you want to give this person every chance, you could make a counterproposal that the two of you meet up in person at a park or something, to confirm that each of you is who you say you are and to negotiate your first session. That would be a very common, very appropriate way to get started in the communities I'm part of.

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Feb 15, 2021

The posts by Miss Bonnie and House of Talion are gold and all have expressed concern and advised caution.
I'm in agreement and would go so far as to advise not to send the photos but to discus a safer way. The Domme's reaction might be quite telling.
I use a simple rule, if I have any doubts I don't send.

On another note, I believe in complete honesty. If you are holding back from a loved one, you might want to consider why and if secrecy is the best thing to do in the long run. I don't profess to know, that's your call.
All the best.