How do you meet someone in real life

How do you meet someone in real life

SubJo • Apr 4, 2021

I'm 35 fucking hot so never really have any problems meeting guys currently dating a 25 year old lol. I have done the online thing a couple of times but that just leaves me horny and unsatisfied lol. But I never seem to find someone in real life that is remotely interested in what I want. I have been chatting to a guy who is atleast from my same country but we are also a few hours from eachother and he really doesn't seem interested to meet in person.

Dragonlove​(sub female) • Apr 4, 2021

When you figure out the magic formula, let me know!

I'm attractive for sure and I usually just get the insta doms or the ones that just want to play.

Suppose it depends exactly what you're looking for. How quickly are you trying to meet, how quickly you dismiss someone, what your criteria is, etc etc.

Yes, mostly wading through people that aren't interested in RL.

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

It is a great question. A lot of folks are out there looking for a relationship, but to find them you have to filter through an enormous number of folks looking for a fling, a quick rush of dopamine, etc.

How do you find those more patient folks, willing to invest? Not sure. But look for that patience, and invest in those connections. If nothing else, maybe you will make a kinky friend to chat with. Hopefully something more.

Good luck

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

Be genuine, not an ass, nice, kind and ohhhh yes be genuine.

I met my first play partner at a munch, about 6 months in after getting involved with a local community. They had their own site (back in the day that was the way it was), and this lovely, very experienced lady introduced herself, we got talking, and then playing. She saw something in me, that I did not see. I owe her a lot. The rest is history.

So once Covid is over, folks are vaccinated and kink events and munches get going again, I suggest you start going to them, go to munches, go to training/teaching class events and dungeon open days, 101 days/nights, even game nights, movie nights anything the kink community in your area are running.

There is no secret, its simply being your self, and not being an asshat.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Apr 4, 2021

Very cool that your reaching out to the community! Love that. I hear your frustration and can totally relate. Attracting men has never been an issue for me either. However, developing a filter took some time in order to find connections that were fulfilling.

Several things come to mind:

1. Know yourself. Invest in some soul searching or addressing your core beliefs etc. This will help lead toward segregating what needs you have that only you can fill vs desires to be met in a relationship.

2. Craft a filter for how others communicate to you. One in particular for those possible partners. There kinks, history, love bombs, attention and commonalities mean nothing if you cannot be your authentic self with them.

3. Seek a key for your lock as opposed to trying to fit to a key. The right connection that frees you to be yourself and explore is worth the wait.

4. Most likely you already know this but getting some cardio can help with some of that pent up energy.

5. Being easy on the eyes will attract every Tom, Dick and Harry so keep the antennae up for what is worth your time. Make a list!

6. Don't give up hope. Be patient. Enjoy your life! A pause can offer gifts as much as action.


These kinda skim the surface but hope something resonates with you.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

Post an ad, read the forums.
Check another site: Post an ad, read the forums.
Check another site: Post an ad, read the forums.
Check another site: Post an ad, read the forums.
Some apps are ok, some suck. Some sites are ok, some are good, most are bots n spam n findom. It's easier if you're willing to relocate, visiting ldr has options, searching during covid is next to impossible till you both have your shots- then its questionable trust

BNJRDSL​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2021

"But I never seem to find someone in real life that is remotely interested in what I want."

I feel you on this one.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 5, 2021

Generally speaking, I have found those "willing to invest" are not often found online. Yes there are exceptions, but in general the "keepers" meet the "old fashioned" way, either totally by accident such as bumping into someone at the freakin' grocery store, eyes meet and chemistry becomes evident, or in a respectable night spot where again, chance meetings occur-- or by way of introduction by a mutual friend.

Now COVID has thrown a wrench into that somewhat. "You're gorgeous in that mask." (That has all kinds of zinger potential)... But aside from that I personally stay home unless I have to go out and "have to" does not include social gatherings.--

But anyway, not to knock those who go the Online route, but it has traditionally been a place people try when they just can't seem to get anything going in person, be it those chance meetings (they never happen when you are looking for them , always when unexpected) or with coworkers (dicey unless you work far apart but see one another here and there) and so-forth. Online seems to be (not always and in my opinion/experience) where one goes for an easy intro, meet, a quick poke or two, and off over the horizon you go without having to worry about seeing him/her again. No AWK there!

And finally this place, similar sites, and "ordinary" dating sites have another thing in common. 90% or more are men. The few women on there are quickly taken, single/unattached for a reason, (Could be the broom is double-parked outside) or shills to get a dude to buy a membership (because they can't reply to them without paying up) Then after ponying up, the one they reply to vanishes like a fart on a windy day.

It's just a tough go all around.

* * * *

I'm in here because I just want conversation or to chip into forum threads here and there like this one.

I'm otherwise "Not Looking"-- and the barren-ness of my profile underscores that I'm not looking. I'll never "approach" anyone unless it is to personally remark on a situation they write about on the forum threads and I certainly don't want anything from anyone except conversation.

Attaboyforu​(sub male) • Apr 5, 2021

It's still about a relationship, it's actually better in some ways here because at a certain level the ability to communicate about the "reason" we're here is a taboo one allows any topic to be discussed. However because it's highly sexualized, there's also folks that are in control of their emotions, because they come charged and ready for their emotional triggers to fire away. It's what we do cognitively, not automatically that males us able to communicate our honest, thoughtful feelings and to work through the not so healthy emotional triggers. I try to slow it down so I can truly listen. God it took me a while to do that..... being an atheist and using god for example, still doing that.

So both people who are attracted should focus on what triggers them, taking ownership of those feelings and communicating them to explain them and ensure that the other person hears e, consider that they probably have their own set of emotional triggers. Both need to be curious and introspective to grow

CSI • Apr 5, 2021

You breathe. You define precisely what it is that you want and what you have to offer. You figure out your limits and boundaries and what you are willing to deal with. And then you look everywhere. You post, you interact, you get to know people on these sites. And (un)fortunately(?) it is a time consuming process as peoples definitions vary and everyone needs to be on the same page. Beauty is only skin deep, so when you are looking for a deeper connection, you have to dig further than just the surface.