Submissives. Teach this dom something new.

Submissives. Teach this dom something new.

Secret Mind​(dom male) • May 18, 2021

I been into the lifestyle for over 10 years. I want to learn something from the submissives here.

Whats something you want your dominant to know? Or whats something that we should all focus more on? What's something that I should know, that may benefit me or open my eyes more to?

I don't want to hear from the dominants. I want the submissives to speak up. I want to hear them.
Please don't just comment "what do you want to know?"

Teach this dominant something new.

HEAVEN'S STARCHILD​(switch female) • May 18, 2021

To be 100% honest/open with us. We deserve to know of any changes on any aspect (change in dynamic,leaving the lifestyle etc). Personally, I would like to know how I could be a better person/friend/lover etc outside of sub space.

SageFlame​(sub female) • May 18, 2021

A submissive, having their own experiences, feelings and thoughts about the sub role, should not be expected to know your experience, feelings or thoughts as to your expectations.

80/20
Spend 80% of the time getting to know your sub. 20% slow progress in domination.

Open ended questions will have better results in understanding where the subs mind is on any given topic. What comes to the surface tells you more than what you extract.

It would help to hone skills in reflective listening or active listening. This loosens up rigidity of communication.

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If it's not a good fit it is no ones fault/ failure. Just an experience from which to grow .

Thank you for the opportunity to contribute.

subfourALPHADOM{not yet - } • May 20, 2021

DON'T TIP YOUR HAND - I AM SEXY -- SEXIER THAN YOU -- PLAY FOR THE LONG TERM -- SET THE NET WIDE == THINK OWNERSHIP - THINK PROUD

The original Her​(switch female) • May 26, 2021

This is a tricky question because obviously, every sub is different, so what works for one will not fit another. There's been good points brought up by a couple of people in here as far as things that will strengthen any relationship, but something that I feel is missing is the aspect of respect. I'm sure it's been preached nearly to death in other topics, but if the D/s dynamic isn't a 50/50 two-way street of respect, it's not going to reach the full potential and may leave the sub desiring someone else who understands and values the difficulties faced with their position.

girlyGoddess​(switch female) • May 26, 2021

Training period. I have come to realize not many subs allow themselves enough time to be trained. I myself was one, let me explain. Some subs will take interest in a Dom and they’ll start to talk. They only speak for a few weeks though. During the training period allow enough time to acclimate to the new dynamic and become familiar with the rules. Strengthen your bond not just within the lifestyle but out of it too. If you’re only compatible in BDSM the dynamic may not last long especially in 24/7 TPE. Build a stable foundation before deconstructing a submissive and building them up, so they won’t be afraid of standing on shaky ground. Also, COMMUNICATION IS KEY, EVEN IF YOURE BUSY. I know not all Doms are this way but I really like when Master warns me beforehand that He’ll be busy which will affect His communication with me. This lets me know He’s not just ignoring me or something.

Doms need to understand that during the training they may need to have a sub unlearn an old habit or learn a new one, be patient. As much as we love giving service, and some of us being degraded, we still will make mistakes so have patience and don’t make us feel guilty for that mistake. Help us realize, if we can’t on our own, that it was a mistake, punish us accordingly, and move on.

AngelAtHisMercy​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't make a list of rules then ignore them all. As a longtime submissive myself (24 years), the thing that most makes me upset with Doms is when they make rules for my benefit then neglect to enforce them. If i am not held accountable for my actions, good or bad, i will lose interest quickly. Keep us on our toes (maybe literally, but at least figuratively). The best conversations i have ever had with Doms have been about mundane happenings or the weather or whatever and then all of a sudden a sentence inserted like "I don't know why you haven't gotten a piece of ice from your freezer and slid it in to your pussy by now", next thing i know we're are discussing hurricane season again. My brain sets fire to itself when conversations like these happen because i am an educated, intelligent woman and to have to stop in my head to process what was just said makes me vulnerable which makes me squirm which makes me..........yeah let's not go there.

Whatever You do, respect Your sub as a human being above all else unless it's mutually agreed upon beforehand. Known consequences for a certain misbehavior are fine (IMHO) but just blatant cruelty like using something about you that you cannot change in a punishment, that will never happen to me again by anybody. If Your sub represents You in the outside world, do You really want one who is neurotic and afraid to speak up because You made her that way?

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Jun 11, 2021

An important point imo is that communication can't be one sided.
When asked for an opinion, I'll give it, and then I'll ask Yours. Don't then play coy or give a superficial answer. I'll play that game twice, maybe a third time and then I'm going to call You on that.

Communication and comprehension is a two way street. Dominance doesn't negate that.