Length of dynamics

Length of dynamics

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

I have done a lot of research in the lifestyle and there are a lot of things I like.
This is just for me the next step in the progress for me.
Anyone that wants to answer please do and keep in mind that I am aware that each D/s dynamic is different.
I'm trying to get a general idea if the general dynamic lasts longer than 6 months (euphoria stage of a relationship) or longer than 2 years (honeymoon stage) or even longer which gives different stages. And different learning opportunities.

SigmaMindset​(sadist male) • Jun 6, 2021

D/s is as Any other Relationship. So it should not be A set time. I know people who have been married 30+ years and Done D/s for the same amount of time. I am aware people Treat D/s As a business agreement in some cases but I don't call that D/s I call it Role play. View D/s As a normal relationship with elements of Kink structure Discipline rules added to it. I believe if you are in it for some sort term fun you are nothing but A Kinkster dwelling in a realm you don't belong. My opinion at least. Most people Who Do it that I personally Know do it with a lifetime commitment in mind. If you give someone a collar it has just as deep of a meaning As A wedding Ring in the vanilla world. It's A huge commitment, but as with all relationships things can fall apart or you grow Apart. So with that in mind it's no saying how long

Diffrent stages have different challenges. The people who do this with Love and devotion last. The ones who are in it for the fun and good times Usually don't last. As when it becomes challenging it's no longer fun. Life is filled with challenges both in the D/s world and the vanilla world. It takes effort and hard work or it falls apart. Just always remember the Basics, communication all the way. Stepping out of roles and having meta talks is Nessasery. View your partner As A human being first and foremost Not As A Dom or Sub. That comes after first he/she is your Partner.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

I ahrre with what you've said completley, but I think you have misunderstood the question, when things get tough, does anyone know how to deal with it, know why its happening?
Communication works only so much. If there is no understanding behind the communication you can talk till you blue in the face and still not get a lasting relationship.
I'm looking to get averages not specifics.
So thank you for your answer, but it eas not what I was asking.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2021

Like the vanilla shit it depends on whether or not you're actually comparable or how much abuse the sub is willing to take. Sadly the ones that take abuse have shorter relationships, but jump right on the next abusive guy they find

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

And has anyone ever thought that there is more to it than this. I have obviously hit a nerve here considering the answers I'm getting and I'm sorry its bringing up bad memories. Everyone in a relationship if you define it as D/s, vanilla or whatever can only do the best they know how. This is not about judgement or finding fault, but finding out for myself if the negotiations and communication actually makes things better or merely masks things for longer.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2021

WHile I do not know of any "averages" - I can tell you that the time "yours" might last depends on you.. specifically. If you are just looking for whatever term wise, then you'll always get "pot luck", and some people are going to get hurt in the process.

However, first determine what YOU are seeking, then seek out like minded people. If you want a LTR - be honest and upfront about your ultimate goal. Same to be said if you are just looking for playmates etc etc. IMHO honesty and being upfront about all aspects of your search are the true key to being successful in it. Yes, it will DEFINITELY lengthen the time it takes, and thin the pool of potential partners dramatically, especially LTR wise, but the fruits of your labor are determined by your honest efforts in seeking it.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

Thank you for you answer, but here is the thing, if its playmates thats short term, if you negotiate a long term relationship dynamic, it can still fall apart, even if you negotiate it. There are known stages that can cause issues and unless you are aware of them and work through them the relationship breaks up. From the answers I've recieved so far and not only on the forum the problems in most relationships, start at the 5 year mark and some hang in there for a while longer and some become resigned and just accept or they break up.
So in my oppinion the negotion part of the D/s dynamic does help more than the vanilla type relationship, but there is a missing knowledge gap which can extend the relationships. That helped me make an informed choice

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2021

ok . let me expand a bit -
Playmates - easiest to find imho, especially for a woman looking, as long as both go in knowing this is the score, most likely nobody will get hurt, (although VERY possible one or both of them can change and want more, very unlikely BOTH will)

LTR - Its not something that is negotiated, it cant be, Best possiblity is both go into it with the same mindset, that a LTR is something they both desire to find, and after getting to know each other a bit, are willing to explore THIS dynamic and see what the future holds. the heart is a finicky thing, nobody can really know when it will truly love another person, but you increase your odds of success dramatically when the other person is looking for the same thing you are.

And yes, sadly, the entire freaking planet seems hell bent on everything being disposable these days. People don't seem to want to put in the time, energy, effort, or unconditional acceptance that staying together demands. My marriage lasted 35 years, and ended out of a situation that could not or was not handled (you can find it in my blog if it helps) https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=65108&postid=53594

But as I have continued my search, I am not looking for frills and thrills, getting between a womans legs for the mere sake of doing it is a game for boys, not men, imho, and I am far past being a boy. So my search is to find another now, a lover, best friend, and BDSM partner and I will not stop until I find it, or the good Lord decides it's time for me to go. I have learned in this BDSM Dynamic search however to be more open, that it is the PERSON I seek, and all that embodies her. Once who can touch my soul, and let me touch hers, one in whom I trust implicitly, and will return that trust. One who we will share all the deepest corners of our souls with each other, and know that is alright, that we each accept the other implicitly and unconditionally, and bond on a primal level few humans ever attain. And it's not about her age, her history, her past mistakes or successes - all that is now ignored, because I have finally learned that none of them truly matter. I could as easily find my missing half with a 20 year old ex convict former female escort as I could a 55 year old virgin.

It's not about the search you see, it's about being open and diligent enough to recognize her when I find her. But I do know to start the search, to have any chance of success, it required open and total honesty in what I seek.....

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2021

I get that. Even me in a vanilla relationship with someone who has no interest in the bdsm community, I still have to work on the relationship and myself.
The communication with the relationships in the bdsm community are a lot more than any vanilla relationship. So it certainly helps, but as I said before, all relationships go through stages and unless you know that and know how to communicate through that stage, people give up, get despondent, leave, have affairs or whatever. That is just human nature, but it can be worked through with knowledge, and care and patience.
That means that those looking for a LTR can actually have one and no-one says its easy.
Unfortunatly regardless if you vanilla or in any other type of relationship we are all people and we all have childhood wounds that we expect to be healed by our significant other.
And when neither partner understands the wounds we think the other does'nt love or respect us and we walk away wounded and possibly feeling rejected, when it is uneccessary.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2021

Let me ask Quincy for a little help here - yeah, it's cheesy and Hollywood,, but it's also truth and I believe it!

https://youtu.be/EwBAYK66grA