When is it topping from the bottom?

When is it topping from the bottom?

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Sep 1, 2021

Is it only topping from the bottom when in the act? Or does it also include specific things that a submissive has had done to them and would like repeated (assuming this is a different Dom)? This is something I struggle with because I don’t know how much is just disrespectful to the new dynamic and how much is actually beneficial. There are small details that could make all the difference for me but I don’t want to assume a new potential Dom wouldn’t have some tricks up his sleeves too.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 1, 2021

^aching cavern without lucidity...

CSI • Sep 1, 2021

It is generally considered topping from the bottom when you decide what you want and make every effort and adjustment to make it happen the way you want it, whether the dominant wants it or not. Depending on what was vetted for is how it would be defined for each individual dynamic. For me, I can usually make suggestions or say "I would like to try this", but I never actually expect them to happen. If the dominant decides to do them, great. If not, I have to suck it up because that is what I agreed to.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Sep 1, 2021

when a bottom (or sub) tries to exert control over their top (Dom) whether in the dynamic or in a “scene”. an example would be interrupting their top’s flow during play to try to inject their own ideas or wants and in doing so trying to manipulate or control the activity rather than leave it to the top to control. this is when outside a set negotiation or discussion period.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Sep 1, 2021

maybe just ask the Dom during an appropriate time, if they would like to know some things you enjoy about xyz.

Jareth​(dom male) • Sep 1, 2021

Yes, topping from the bottom is basically trying to manipulate the dominant into doing what the submissive wants.

That doesn’t mean I do not want a submissive to tell me what she has liked or disliked in the past. Having frank discussions about those things is necessary and can even be fun. After all, if I know she likes something, I now have a reward for her. I never think an honest expression of desires is manipulative.

It isn’t wrong to tell a dominant what you like. The dominant just gets to decide when or if you get what you want. If that is what you are trying to change, you might be topping from the bottom.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Sep 1, 2021

Thanks for all the responses! Good news it doesn’t look long I’ve been guilty of that. I guess I worry about giving too much of a blueprint to my pleasure. I certainly don’t have everything figured out but I would just like to have some experiences again.
I do like the idea of a Dom taking what I’ve said and using it as a reward.