Meeting People In Real Life

Meeting People In Real Life

ToasterTwinkie​(sub trans man) • Sep 19, 2021

Hi all!

I'm new to BDSM and am interested in getting to know kinky people in real life. What are some lower stress ways to start dipping one's toes into your local kink community? Not necessarily looking for a relationship at the moment; I want to get more acquainted with the community and make some friends before I jump into a commitment. I'd love to hear any advice/stories/tips you might have!

ObsidianOx​(dom male) • Sep 19, 2021

a local Munch is your best bet you can easily meet people in an public vanilla environment and connect.

Fetlife is your best bet for them.

I can’t speak much for each munch individually, but my overall experience have been pretty open and positive.

Bunnie • Sep 19, 2021

I’m just going to echo what @ ObsidianOx said. Jump onto FetLife and look up a local (or slightly less local… whichever feels more comfortable) munch. It’s a great way to dip your toe in and meet real life Kinksters/lifestylers. I love munches… it’s just a great way to connect with similarly-minded people and have an opportunity to relax into some great conversations 😁

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 19, 2021

Munches have always been a good source of community awareness.

Post questions and respond accordingly

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 20, 2021

Agreed. You can find a munch near you and look at the organizer's profile. See what groups they are in. Maybe check out their posts. That will give you a good idea of their approach to this and decide if that fits you.

The nice thing is you can always leave. No one at a munch should pressure you to answer personal questions or ask you to do anything but eat.

FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.PL.} • Sep 20, 2021

Will echo others.

Check out munches and classes in your area....I do that via Fetlife and Facebook.
Pre Covid time the Meet up portal was offering bdsm classes as well...

Good luck!

Lady Char​(sub female) • Sep 20, 2021

If you pick a munch to go to, let them know in advance that you're coming and it's your first time. Well organized ones will have a greeter and will make sure you're looked after.

Shouldn't be scary, though. It's in a vanilla setting and it's just a chat. Do you have any friends who know you're into kink? Maybe someone could come with, just as moral support.

DrWakko • Sep 20, 2021

Some things to think about when you go to your first munch:

1. Every single person in that room was in your shoes at some point in time.

2. No matter what anxieties or mental illness you may have. You WILL find someone at that event that can relate because they have it too.

3. At a munch there are no cliques. Just because you see people sitting together and having a conversation doesn’t mean you can’t join them. 9.9999/10 times if you ask to join they will say yes.

4. If you sit alone you probably won’t be alone for long. Someone will end up joining your table. There is always at least one social butterfly whose goal is to talk to everyone at an event.

5. The OP mentioned they were gay and trans. In my experience the trans community kinky or not has found a home in the Bdsm community. The kink community is very welcoming and protective of the lgbt+ community as a whole. You will see kink flags fly at pride parades and marches. I have personally flown Bdsm and Leather pride flags on the back of my motorcycle at pride. And remember the Leather community was started by gay men coming back from WW2. Go to the Leather Archives in Chicago. Looks for bars called “The Eagle” or “HellFire” or go to your local gay bar and ask where the leather bar is.

You go do you. Have fun at your first munch and it will open doors to all sorts of kink fun.

DW

PrincessLove​(sub female) • Sep 26, 2021

Tip: wear something to the munch that is an easy conversation starter for others to break the ice with. It is a good way to quietly draw attention to yourself and it gives you something to talk about.