Real subs or bait and switch??

Real subs or bait and switch??

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Sep 22, 2021

Hello all, looking for advice on how to effectively communicate on the cage. I have stumbled across atleast 7 or 8 sub membees basically begging for a Dom.

Some read.."I would want nothing more than a Dom to take control... I had this deep desire all my.life.. one even said. .. I am nothing without a Dom, I am looking for anyone to contact me."

The misconception is you would think people begging for someone to contact them would reply or is this merely a bait tactic to get attention? Yes you Instagram models I am talking about you!

Imagine going on an all inclusive cruise and they are selling you on the idea of all you can eat. But then when you get on the boat and the only thing the chefs can cook is breakfast.

Your like wtf??

Am I expecting too much and not even looking for s sub just like minded subs and Dom's in the nyc/ NJ metro area.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Sep 23, 2021

People reply or don't based on a lot of factors (presence, availability, preference and on and on) just like people send messages based on the same. Just because somone is seemingly begging for attention doesn't mean just any attention will do. Anytime anyone is looking for a response from anybody else it's a hit or miss scenario. Sometimes people are responsive and sometimes they aren't, the best any of us can do is try and make the best of the efforts that are successful. None of us can tell you exactly what these people are thinking or give more than speculative reasoning for why they choose to not respond. I wouldn't dwell too much on it.

Sapio naturally sub​(other female) • Sep 23, 2021

^^ what she said. I disappeared from this site for about 8 months and came back to messages left sat for a long while. My profile would indicate that I was seeking, but I was offline with a potential partner. I just hadn't logged in to update it and since I manage my phone and email notifications very well (most everything is turned off), it's not like I even got emails telling me I had messages. So, while I'm just sharing a scenario for you to consider, I think this is likely common. Not everyone remains active and engaged here at all times, for various reasons.

I will say, without having checked out your profile, that it is incredibly difficult to respond to someone's message when their profile is basically blank. There's not much of an indicator of compatibility, interest, or substantiation with a mostly blank profile. Also, pictures in your profile help... pictures of you, even if discrete, help to give the person an idea for your vibe, and make it easier for them to engage. I believe photos also make someone feel safer engaging with you, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, ramble off.

Alphasubforhim​(sub female) • Sep 23, 2021

I don’t reply to people who don’t have a lot going on in their profile and sometimes I don’t entertain the idea if it’s not close to what I want. I want someone close… and 4-10hrs isn’t close!

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 24, 2021

Rule of Thumb, for both online and IRL, but more often found online....: "Easy come easy go."

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Other than that, I have the opposite issue although not as much now as before.

I keep my profile deliberately thin on details because I'm not a full time sub.. or a sub at all except during sexual encounters,-- I'm simply Not Looking and to have a robust "show-and-tell" type profile tends to make people think they can change my mind about being "On the Shelf".

I'm in here for conversation with whoever can hold up their end of one, and to chip in on forum posts where my 2 cents might actually be worth... 2 cents...

And yet every now and then there still comes a dominant looking to change my mind about "Not Looking" and while I don't ignore people, there often comes a time where I have to, because they just can't or won't "get it".

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Of the many members in here, there are a fair number who aren't looking, either because they're in a dynamic already, or like me, not looking because they're just not interested in meeting or starting anything with anyone beyond regular topics (Rated "G" or "PG" and very occasionally "R". )

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 24, 2021

Shakes head.

I have just this minute been told that a person I was speaking with doesn't feel I am compatible with them. That is perfectly fine, if they feel I am not, then I accept that and move on after wishing them the best. I have done this myself in the past.

What I don't and won't do is say they are not a sub, not genuine etc. Its a question of compatibility, not one of being being genuine or not, and I am very sure that for someone else, this lady will make a beautiful sub, just not for me, and that is ok.

When I see 'real' being used, I sigh and think that someone can't handle rejection and their sense of entitlement is blinding them to seeing, realising, that not everyone, maybe even a very small percentage of people are right for us, that's just life, and that's ok.

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 24, 2021

This place doesnt have the best selection as far as IRL connections as most ppl are newbs, shy, or as picky as I am. If you contact anyone within these 3 categories and you're not 100% what they want then I doubt you'll get a reply. For contact visit your local clubs and munches. For context reach out to TES.

lifeofdom​(dom male) • Sep 26, 2021

I have to agree with house of Talion: subs seem to fit in thos three categories.. But as it has been said here, I too was told by a sub I was not compatible.. I did make a vague attempt afterwards, but after the reiteration of the sub I ended the conversation. We are all adults here, and dealing with rejection is not easy for some.. But for the most part on this site.. I found people to be quite civilized compared to other sites...
You do see when subs are fake.. And what they are actually looking for a relationship.. A vanilla one mind you!
My approaches are rare due to this..

No Body​(dom male) • Sep 26, 2021

I am here because it is the only place in my life I can find other to talk to about the life we are or want to live. I like talking to people and listening but outside of her it is not a good idea to talk about somethings. This is why I do not put up a picture because it tends to tell people I am looking when I am not. Now I do look at the pictures of friends and I have found some beautiful people here (of which I am not one). As for a sub to many times they want you to start to use them. I can't I want to know you first and if you can't wait find someone you won't. I would rather wait and not find her than have a thousand and watch them leave.

lifeofdom​(dom male) • Sep 26, 2021

Yes, that is also something I found: wanting to know a sub.. And unfortunately find its instant gratification that they want.. Want to talk kinks and this and that
. It's when you realize who the fakes are...
Talks happen in my own time, on my own pace.. Not the other way around..