Letting go/not holding grudges vs sweeping things important under the rug. What's the difference?

Letting go/not holding grudges vs sweeping things important

Valore • Sep 30, 2021

------------>What is the difference between having something swept under the rug and letting something go/not holding a grudge?<----------------
- - - - >And what this would look like or how to identify signs of such things in oneself and/or in others.< - - - -




I'm hoping to get many people's personal and professional or otherwise experienced opinions/fact/etc about the difference.
Any information is greatly appreciated and none of the comments would be considered right or wrong but simply per perspective.
Please help, because there are days when such differences become rather blurred and difficult to identify during moments when a mind is more muttled.

K y i v • Sep 30, 2021

If neither is revisited for meaningful discussion at some point. Both ere the same.

parsumlit{UnderConsi} • Sep 30, 2021

Personally, I find holding a grudge and sweeping things under the rug to be pretty similar. The issue wasn't resolved, it's just how you react externally that differs.

Holding a grudge: Instantly feeling negative emotions (sadness, anger, depression, disgust) whenever I see the person that caused the offense, hear about them, or even think about them because of "what they did". And it's often obvious to those around. I usually experience this when the other person won't back down either and we're both balls of subdued badness.

Sweep things under the rug: Keeping up the smiling act as if all is fine when I'm internally dying inside. Sweeping things under the rug just hides the issues temporarily until they turn into a giant dust bunny and come back bigger and more powerful. This happens when I don't want to lose the friendship/relationship but they aren't willing to talk things out so I'm forced to go along like everything is peachy keen. They aren't necessarily giving negative energy back, but they themselves might act like they haven't done anything to upset you in the first place.

Truly letting go: When I look at the person that might have offended or upset me in the past, I can look at them with a sense of peace. We've most likely talked things out and settled the past, or I realized that it wasn't that big of a deal and it wasn't worth stressing over. I know I've truly let go if I can willingly reach out to them on my own.

I'm pretty soft, so if someone is willing to talk about what happened and can apologize, I'm quick to forgive. So why someone would hold a grudge past working to resolve the issue? I can't speak to that, unfortunately.

neutrinozero • Sep 30, 2021

rug or carpet, clean is good

Valore • Sep 30, 2021

Quite a lot to read here, thank you!
I think your definition of sweeping things under the rug... is what I go through a lot. I am very accepting of many things and people, so finding fault in something is not what I usually do... I prefer to talk about things... but sometimes people will not touch on things I've brought up as if they are avoiding talking about them.
Quite strange to me who analyzes body language/behaviors.

Valore • Sep 30, 2021

Thank you for this perspective!
I hadn't thought about it like this before, but it sings true.

TranquilStorm • Sep 30, 2021

Interesting, seems like the notion is not that clear. For me the distinction is in the feeling accompanying an action.

Holding a grudge: Associated with feeling wronged in some way and getting even/not helping when the need arises - at least potentially. Most likely the person beholding a grudge does not consider himself evil or can justify any unfair future actions (at least in front of himself). It can play out old-testament style an-eye-for-an-eye over the years. Or straight for the head. Grudges can fester and occupy your (mental) ressources so that it affects you even more negatively in the long run.

Sweep things under the rug: In this case we are the perpetrator ourselves that brought about an undesirable event. Ideally we want it to never have happened. A classic is having a goo with your mates in a bar, having 1 or 3 pints too many, losing balance and stumbling - with your dick right inside the waitress. Could lead to a grudge with you wife working to pay the bills.

Coming to terms: You accept that a scenario/situation is as it is and you have decided on a possible course of action "Homeboy slips all the time". Possible ways to coming to terms is to leave him physically and emotionally ("letting go") or start eyeing the bottle yourself.

Now this goes beyond OPs question, but one of the core-things you can come to terms with is that not everyone is going to like you even if you mean well. So letting go of that desire and waiting for the few who do takes some weight of interactions.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 30, 2021

I've heard of holding grudges and not holding grudges, of course, the ol' chip on the shoulder thing or the good sport who turns a blind eye to a steaming pile of bullshit...

But to be honest, when I hear "sweeping things under the rug" I think more of secrets or transgressions that we cover up in order to maintain the image/illusion of a "normal", happy-but-crappy life for neighbors, relatives, coworkers, or friends. (even foes for that matter)

In a professional context, shit gets swept under the rug if knowledge of short-cuts or other less-than-approved actions and items can affect The Bottom Line.

Holding a grudge is something quite personal and is usually directed at one person who genuinely frosted one's ass. or a group or cadre friends who band together to piss someone off, or harm them in some way. I don't see a similarity between grudges and sweeping things under the rug.

But that's just my take on all this. One just seems a wee bit different than the other.

"Your results May Vary"

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Sep 30, 2021

Sweeping something under the rug versus letting something go/not holding a grudge to me is all about if there was a discussion and a compromise or resolution. If you’re just sweeping it under the rug, you’ve decided that you don’t want to jeopardize the relationship so you overlook issues that are concerning to you. If you’re actually trying to resolve the issue so you don’t hold a grudge, then a discussion needs to happen.

Valore • Oct 1, 2021

Thank you for the detailed response!
Yet another perspective that's very helpful to consider.
I also like that u added a plausible solution of sorts.