Bunnie
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2 years ago •
Jan 27, 2022
Dominus eius wrote: I found this one a rather interesting thread. As I’ve commented before (blog and forum), I joined this site looking for opportunities to learn and grow. Indeed looking for a mentor.
As it happens, I found the first - however the 2nd wasn’t straightforward. Then, by chance, when looking for local groups (munches etc) on another site - one of the people who replied was another Dominant and offered his support. Nothing forced or pushed. I am now proud to call him my Mentor and more than that my friend. People talk about the fact that Dominants don’t talk to each other. I would like to suggest that those who are genuinely experienced and comfortable in their knowledge are generally open to being approached. With the proviso that you too have to be genuinely looking to learn and grow. As has been said many many times before, the internet (it’s not exclusive to the cage) is full of people pretending they’re something that they are not, or claiming to want to become something - without the genuine desire to put the effort in. This lifestyle is incredible and hugely rewarding. However, it’s also hard work and a never ending journey of learning and growth. Beautifully stated. As a submissive, whilst I can’t say that this has been my experience, I can say that this has been my observation, also. |
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Literate Lycan(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Jan 27, 2022
Excellent discussion and pretty much on mark.
Many individuals are somewhat embarrassed from the beginning to discuss sex in any facet, let alone with anyone on any level beyond flirting. Think of the numbers of conversations you have had with friends and co-workers that included how often you’ve rubbed one off or whether you like a specific lube or toy. We all had a great laugh months ago on some of the commercials between a mother and daughter talking about freshness . . . but do conversations like that really happen? Maybe but probably not. The conversations some individuals may actually rise to often involve flirting with someone to determine if they have similar likes and dislikes (and kinks) so are you really having a conversation or are you trolling for a date? And very much like the eloquent and intelligent LJ indicated, most Dominants don’t really want to drop trade secrets on how versatile they are in the realms of being Uber Domly. Some of us do. I specifically have weekly Zoom calls with several other Dominants to discuss dynamics and to better improve my own understanding and skillsets. Even if we go about our relationships differently, I can learn from each interaction. Also as was indicated earlier, I do believe many new (not necessarily young or old but new) Dominants are probably googling up their answers. Just because they don't know answers initially doesn't make them an insta-dom, although there is a good amount of judgment being parsed out as was also indicated earlier. Again, the use of the internet is due in part to the current generations being raise entirely in an internet world; and part due to puritan perspectives society still adheres to where open discussions on sex is frowned upon. And a fear of judgment. The issue at heart as positioned by the good Dr. is that many of the answers you’ll find in YouTube and through google aren’t vetted by any credible source. It would be akin to me putting out the Definitive Rules on Surgery. Can I cut someone? Yes, you might infer I'm quite skilled at it. Can I sew them up? Probably, I may have done it before. Will it look good? Maybe if you are into Frankenstein. So would I be an authority on surgery - eh, No. Even within our close community here, I’m willing to bet many individuals hold back on freely opening up about their concerns, questions or feelings. And heaven forbid if a Dominant were to relay that He or She wasn’t the most knowledgeable in a subject - that would ruin their credibility and show a vulnerability other Dominants could use to destroy them . . . or not. There are many here who would not judge them harshly; but some who would for not showing up experts in their field. I am fully onboard with open discussions between Dominants. And mentoring. If you don’t know something, reach out and ask. It doesn’t show ignorance, it shows strength. And then you can improve your skills and become the best You possible. Great post and discussion. |
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Jan 27, 2022
Snipped for focus:
Literate Lycan wrote: I am fully onboard with open discussions between Dominants. And mentoring. If you don’t know something, reach out and ask. It doesn’t show ignorance, it shows strength. And then you can improve your skills and become the best You possible. Great post and discussion. It's so very refreshing for someone on the other side of the slash to hear a dominant be so open and welcoming to opinions from other dominants rather than taking a hard line attitude of being a know it all. That's a dead giveaway (to me at least) of someone with a fragile ego and a closed mind.
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No Body(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Jan 28, 2022
Let's be honest in the almost two years I have been here I have only given advise to subs who talked to me. Simply because the younger "Doms" don't ask. When I have offered advice, they have told me to get lost so I left them alone. They don't ask I won't tell.
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Notely
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2 years ago •
Jan 28, 2022
One would not have say they are they show How one Carry’s it. Mastering one self before taking on another loving to love another. Dominant soul has some good insight but rest up to you be authentic be yourself title is only a title but being yourself getting know you don’t have being up your Dom to a sub don’t need being secure enough getting know someone the whole D/a comes later need to know their is a feeling a relationship not really first thing must build a foundation of friendship with emotionally invested seeing if you both click their a connection so on allow it grow. Mistakes are not mistakes only a lesson a experience how you grow won’t happen over night but in time everyone starts every where. I don’t use titles even as being bottom time and place for everything still have be yourself carry with you not everyone needs to know your business best only share little don’t give out to much at first exchange energy allow trust to be built with conversation sex not the first first thing or wanting know your a Dom show up as one be yourself it scare right one so do it well.
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Notely
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2 years ago •
Jan 28, 2022
One would not have say they are they show How one Carry’s it. Mastering one self before taking on another loving to love another. Dominant soul has some good insight but rest up to you be authentic be yourself title is only a title but being yourself getting know you don’t have being up your Dom to a sub don’t need being secure enough getting know someone the whole D/a comes later need to know their is a feeling a relationship not really first thing must build a foundation of friendship with emotionally invested seeing if you both click their a connection so on allow it grow. Mistakes are not mistakes only a lesson a experience how you grow won’t happen over night but in time everyone starts every where. I don’t use titles even as being bottom time and place for everything still have be yourself carry with you not everyone needs to know your business best only share little don’t give out to much at first exchange energy allow trust to be built with conversation sex not the first first thing or wanting know your a Dom show up as one be yourself it scare right one so do it well. Also good get your life in order if your young middle age focus on your education with mastering self and learn to grow with growth maturity make your self a home secureness when time is right you will be ready but don’t need to flaunt it even bottom should work on them selfs. It’s about team work two people as Us as partnership need each other agreeing on things with love and respect Being open and Honest. But that your duty be a Teacher when it’s time to lead and guide show out of love only love. One have to give habits to carry on with another. You can be fully clothed with mature mind leave behind foolishness if truly wan’t Master yourself self discipline out of love If Mastering yourself be a good teacher to the future one. Universe good guidance can always ask it will lead the way rest up to you do the rest comes with it you only you know what are you. This only enlightenment but good for one to know.
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Jan 28, 2022
Extreme snip for focus:
EssenceAmore wrote: I don’t use titles even as being bottom time and place for everything still have be yourself carry with you not everyone needs to know your business best only share little don’t give out to much at first exchange energy allow trust to be built with conversation sex not the first first thing or wanting know your a Dom show up as one be yourself it scare right one so do it well. When time is right you will be ready but don’t need to flaunt it even bottom should work on them selfs. One have to give habits to carry on with another. Universe good guidance can always ask it will lead the way rest up to you do the rest comes with it you only you know what are you.
Could you elaborate on this advice of yours to budding dominants, please? I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time sorting through it and am hoping you'd be willing to clarify each point on a one by one basis. Thank you. |
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Bella duPuy(sub female){Not lookin}
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2 years ago •
Jan 28, 2022
LongerJohnny wrote: And speaking of impending flaccidity, here is the specific part that many Dom's hate the most: not only could we learn valuable information from each other - we can and must learn from subs as well, ours or not.
Why don't Doms/Dommes want to learn from subs/slaves/bottoms? I don't understand that mindset ... |
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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2 years ago •
Jan 28, 2022
Bella duPuy wrote: Why don't Doms/Dommes want to learn from subs/slaves/bottoms? I don't understand that mindset ... Some actually *don't* have any problem soliciting input from those they trust/respect on the other side of the slash. I'll even go so far as to say any dominant who's not actually threatened by looking "less than" will actively seek out and treasure advice from the very types of people they hope to attract and share their lives with. It's the instadoms and self proclaimed know-it-all posers that scoff at the idea of being "taught" anything from submissives.
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InYourHead(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Jan 30, 2022
i personally had a mentor...and i have mentored a few in my life. i feel a young, inexperienced dom needs a mentor. google can TELL you things, but theres no substitute for true mentorship. just my 2 cents
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