How to initiate with a partner in a non-full time lifestyle

How to initiate with a partner in a non-full time lifestyle

AlsoDavie • Dec 7, 2021

My (dom) partner (sub) and I enjoy BDSM in the bedroom and sometimes incorporate it outside as well.
There are times when it is difficult to initiate sex or play due to general life stressors.

What are yalls experiences with knowing when and how to initiate?

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 7, 2021

Might be too simple, but basically "just ask".

If the other is not game, they'll say so, and if the overall dynamic is a healthy one, they won't blame or mock "you" for asking.

A healthy alternative that again works best with couples on the same proverbial page, watch body language, observe how they are acting overall and you'll be able to tell if they're under stress or otherwise "not in the mood".

The better relationships are those where a would-be sex/play initiator is not afraid to broach the subject for fear of the other's reaction.

And what's the worst they can say? Should be "No, thanks"---

If anything less constructive might come out of them, rendering "you" thinking twice about asking--- well such a relationship "needs remedial work"

Zedland​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2021

It really just as simple as gauging the mood.

You can set schedules and establish routines (which are great things to do, and important to set aside time for you two to be intimate and not always in the hot and sticky way) but sometimes things won't work out. You'll have spent every waking hour running hither and thither leaving you exhausted, then its fine to just curl up and turn in. Don't force it. The last thing you want to do is turn sex or kink into a chore. It should be a fun fulfilling part of your lives.

If you are finding the spark is coming less and less then change things up. Buy a new toy. Take the afternoon off and sneak off to a hotel for a couple hours. Sit down and try to write a raunchy story between the two of you (Also great for drawing out fantasies).