New Dom's vs Experienced

Re: New Dom's vs Experienced

Alexasub​(sub female){Owned} • Mar 27, 2022

One of the ways of approaching this (beside educational books/websites/information) is for a new Dom to be trained by another experienced Dom in person. . or if it's a new D/s couple, they could approach an experienced D/s couple as well.. this is a good way to get better understanding of things.

I'mME • Mar 30, 2022

Hi,

A new anything has to start somewhere. Every single person posting here had great things to contribute, all things that OP should keep in mind.

I am a person who reads for knowledge, I am also a visual person, hmmm. Sorry got lost.

The things that first come to my mind when I read your post are
Why did you phrase it: walking away or submit? Did they give you an ultimatum?
How new are they? Do they have any experience?

I mean I could suggest books that they and maybe yourself may want to read. I could suggest some podcasts.

But I feel like there is something more here going on with the phrasing of that last sentence.
Could be nothing but I'm here.

Nonya

bsmity • Jun 2, 2022

I've been a dom for years, but only as far as bound, gagged, punishment, some roleplay, etc. Its important during the time you spend talking to each other before you meet that you find out some likes and dislikes with each other, it gives you a general starting point. Ease into it, pay attention to each others reactions. Experimenting is great, but dont just do something major without having a clue of if they might like it. Doing something like that will ruin it for one or both of you depending on how major it is. If you tell a dom your new, and they start talking like there gonna do any and everything to you as soon as you meet, that's a major red flag. Thanks for your time

A friend • Jun 2, 2022

Would you allow Jiffy Lube to work on your Bentley?

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jun 2, 2022

First: Great analogy!! That is a very good point. I guess the manner in how you approach the subject and whether one cares about their skill is important to determine.

Not having visited a Jiffy Lube in forever, I recall the facility as being manned by minimally trained teams (I would not call them mechanics) with the intention of getting the job done as quickly as possible with limited focus and skill sets other than could they offer you additional work to bump up the costs (change your air filter too?). A great business model, quite like McDonalds, and serves a purpose. Those submissive types who want a quick lube job (someone who just does the topping stuff but isn’t into the actual Dominating responsibility) a Jiffy might do the trick.

But if you want the car to run the distance, you might want to take it to a qualified mechanic. And some of those don’t have to have years of experience as long as they are willing to take the time to learn their skills. I will admit to coming to this lifestyle very late in comparison to most here (heck, some seem to have been born into the lifestyle by their profiles with 30 years experience and they are only in their 20s - LOL) but I’ve been trained through my life in ways that actually benefit me as to who I aspire to be. Plus, understanding that I don’t know enough at least helps I believe.

Second: Great analogy!!!

I'mME • Jun 2, 2022

So are you suggesting that people are born Bentleys?
Let me switch it up.

When subs are new, does anyone tell the Doms not to mess with new subs?

What is the difference?

To answer my above question, we can have a tendance to go a certain way in life, but if nobody nurtured it, 4hrn who knows what opportunity is missed.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jun 2, 2022

Extreme snip for focus:
It always amuses me to see a profile or personal ad with the extravagant claim of "I have (fill in the blank) years of experience in this lifestyle!' It seems more prevalent among dominants - *especially* the ones who are portraying themselves as "online training doms" (although I've seen some subs list their years of experience as well).

To me it's the equivalent of someone boasting "I've been driving a car since I was sixteen!" but not telling me how many insurance companies have dropped them for excessive accident claims or moving violations. It doesn't tell me how many times those licenses have been revoked for reckless driving or DUIs either. The length of time you've be doing something doesn't tell me you're doing it well or even safely.

A friend • Jun 2, 2022

New subs are a great way to end up in jail with rape charges, avoid those at all costs... It is best if all are experienced and informed. Experienced Doms know this as well

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jun 2, 2022

And if everyone avoids *new* subs at all costs then how do they ever get the experience to become "old subs"? The same goes for dominants as well, actually.

As advisable as it is to exercise restraint, caution and just plain old common sense, no matter what side of the slash you're on, I see too many people having tendencies to arbitrarily close down and reject others out of hand - based solely on the current level of the potential partner's experience. This seems as short sighted as those who seem to think their *longevity* trumps any actual quality they might have to offer.

Re: New Dom's vs Experienced

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Jun 3, 2022

I'm not sure what S/D relationship means. I googled it and got Sugar Daddy, but I'm guessing that you meant to write D/s. The Dominant always goes before the submissive.

As for my "two cents" about the approach for a new Dom in a IRL: reading first of all. I don't mean fantasy/fiction books. Those are great for getting aroused, but most are written by people who have no experience in a healthy D/s relationship. The second thing is a Dom support group. That sounded weird to me when I first heard the term. Since I am not a Master/Dom, I have never been to one, but I've been told that good Doms are willing to share their experiences with new comers and very willing to learn from others.

What pace should things go at? At first, slow and carefully. There is no rush, no finish line to get to first, and eventually the Dom will find a pace that works for all involved.

When I accepted my Master's collar, it was as his submissive while I became more comfortable with his dominance and control. My Master was extremely patient with me and eventually I accepted him as Master. It works the same way with experienced submissives and new Doms.

Hope this helps.