New to sub lifestyle

New to sub lifestyle

Seishen7​(sub female) • Dec 16, 2017

I am very new to the bdsm lifestyle, being a submissive is a brand new concept to me that I wish to learn more of. I've never experienced what it would be like as a submissive, physically, emotionally and sexually and I am hoping to find a respectful and patient dom, however, conversations I had in the past and even up to now with people who say they have been a dom for years immediately ask for a naked pic or where to meet for sex. How does one find serious sub/dom partners? What are red flags to look out for? How long has it taken?

Research

Dnygrl​(sub female){Jabbers} • Dec 16, 2017

I would start by saying that you need to do a lot of reading and learning on your own before you even consider taking on a Dom. You need to be confident and comfortable with yourself so that you can stay safe and speak up for yourself. A truly respectful Dom will take the time to get to know you as a friend long before any mention of a D/s relationship is considered. Would you call someone your boyfriend/girlfriend as soon as they walk up and say they like your hair or outfit? No? Then you don't want to give submission easily either. There are definitely "Doms" out there that are looking for a quick fling but that almost always leaves a true submissive in a bad spot.

Start off by researching about being a submissive, think about what it means to you and what you want out of a partner. And while you do that go ahead and make friends in the lifestyle. Good luck to you on your journey.

Seishen7​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2017

Thank you so much for your input and reply. I admit it can get really frustrating when there are "doms" that say they have been doing it forever but immediately as for sex when a first meeting happens. However I will read more on this as you suggested. Any references to books or articles?

Drennon​(dom male) • Dec 17, 2017

Hey Seishen,

The good Doms are out there. You just have to keep digging through the haystack. A really good source that I found while doing research is submissiveguide.com. I recommend checking it out. They have a lot of great info on there.

PaNdEmIc • Dec 17, 2017

I am a dom/Master in an active kink relationship. First off. Any self respecting dom who knows anything won't be asking you to meet up for sex or nude pics..and you being a submissive have full rights to ignore them. A serious dom would like to get to know his submissive long before anything takes place. A true dom has respect for his submissive and attentive to his/her needs, desires, wishes, ect. Nudity and sex are only small portions of the kinkery. Be sure to do your research and even 1 on 1 talk with doms both male and female to get different perspectives.

dear my misstress

soe • Dec 25, 2017

I wanna meet mistress exter crazy

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 25, 2017

@ Soe I see by your profile you're from pretty far off. The first thing you need to do is read up on doms and subs. That and what you wrote won't get you any results. Or none worth getting.

@Seishen I'm not new to BDSM but I am new in here, less than a month, and I found out quickly that most, if not all doms who blow up your inbox with advanced requests such as requesting meet-ups, nude pics, sending same.. won't be what you're looking for. I'm not going to disparage them. There are finer points to this biz that I'll admit I'm not all that well versed in, even though there is no l Official BDSM Rule Book so, as you were advised already, read up on this, make sure it really is something you would be into (although you always will have the right to change your mind if you think you wanna do this but once in, find out it really isn't what it's cracked-up to be.. No worries there) -- and then start talking to doms. The good ones won't pressure you and will pretty much repeat what I just wrote if they know you're new. "Make sure you wanna do this."

Personally, and this comes from other sites and experiences, vanilla ones, be wary of the long distance entanglements. Be sure you want to traipse off to Bear's Balls, Wyoming from Baltimore MD or something and meet some fella of whom all you know is what they share.

Hazards have always existed. It seems like it's really bad now but only because we hear about it more.. But even if there is only one fuck-stick for every few thousand good dudes--- meeting Jack the Ripper's long lost great grand nephew is most likely not on your shopping list.

Both doms and subs need to really take their time with Toll Call Tango. The creepasauruses don't generally have the patience to hang around and shoot the shit for too long.

I hope all this crap helped. As I said, while I've been a twisted-sister around a dozen years, I'm new to sites and experiences such as those found in this pleasantly-appointed hole.

BDSM Yoda​(dom male){Not Lookin} • Dec 27, 2017

Having been in the lifestyle for almost 30 years (over 1/2 of my life), I can honestly say that the majority (not all) of "doms" are just looking to get their rocks off. However I can tell you that IF you are patient enough, and are willing to go through the fakes(and TRUST ME, THEY ARE ALOT!). You will definitely find one. Other than the refered media aforementioned, you might also want to read through my blog. I've been told by doms and submissives alike that it has helped them on their way to figuring out what they want and expect.

Much wisdom,

Yoda

K y i v • Dec 27, 2017

The Criterion for Acceptance- Gautama Buddha
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it-- unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."


The Criterion for Acceptance
10. "Come, Kalamas. Do not go upon what has been acquired by repeated hearing; nor upon tradition; nor upon rumor; nor upon what is in a scripture; nor upon surmise; nor upon an axiom; nor upon specious reasoning; nor upon a bias towards a notion that has been pondered over; nor upon another's seeming ability; nor upon the consideration, 'The monk is our teacher.' Kalamas, when you yourselves know: 'These things are good; these things are not blamable; these things are praised by the wise; undertaken and observed, these things lead to benefit and happiness,' enter on and abide in them.