Lostasfuck(sub female)
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
Bonded and alone
Has anyone experienced forming a bond here so strong they cant break it? He was my first. I cant undo it. I'm stuck. I need him and I cant find him. How can I break this bond ita become a curse.
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Online now
Tucked Tail(sub female)
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
Yes. I got into my first dominant/sub relationship with a person fifteen years ago. He has a personality disorder and was incredibly toxic and abusive and although I've cut ties with him for the most part over the last three years I've never felt a stronger devotion and desire to please someone ever in my life. I had to cut ties for my own safety but I don't think I'll ever not want to give myself to him. I'm hoping to replace that level of intensity with someone else, but in an actual healthy and safe way someday.
I can't tell you how to break that bond, because I haven't figured it out yet either. We have such messed up brains as humans. |
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Toy Sub(sub female){*Slave*}
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
Hi, I am so sorry you are feeling lost.
Always remember that submission should come from strength and never from weakness. The first thing I would like you to do is to remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary. You CAN. Understand and accept that if you can't find him when you need him, he is not the Dom for you. The Dom for you will always have your best interest at heart and be there to pick up the pieces, especially if he was the one that broke you down for his own use. Aftercare is more than just a few moments after a "scene"; It is ongoing and nurturing to allow you to grow as a sub (& heal if necessary). Once you accept that he has failed you, it will be easier to let go and to begin to build a bond with a Dom that will cherish your submission and care for you, because ultimately, that is what enables you to serve his needs. For a sub... "The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else" . 
But first, do some self worth and validation exercises,.. some word clouds and vision boards about yourself, your submission, what you have to offer, what you desire for yourself, and in a Dom.. and be strong enough to not settle for any Dom that does not align with your vision. Get up in the mornings and Bow in front of a mirror & remember that when you are not collared, you serve your self first.. Look at yourself , all of you..feel beautiful, intelligent, strong and sexual...Remember who you are as a sub, and once you know that, AND feel good about it, you are ready to make yourself available to new Doms,... and unlike your past Dom, they won be hard to find. Be strong precious. You are a a gift. |
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Lostasfuck(sub female)
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
Toy Sub wrote: Hi, I am so sorry you are feeling lost.
Always remember that submission should come from strength and never from weakness. The first thing I would like you to do is to remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary. You CAN. Understand and accept that if you can't find him when you need him, he is not the Dom for you. The Dom for you will always have your best interest at heart and be there to pick up the pieces, especially if he was the one that broke you down for his own use. Aftercare is more than just a few moments after a "scene"; It is ongoing and nurturing to allow you to grow as a sub (& heal if necessary). Once you accept that he has failed you, it will be easier to let go and to begin to build a bond with a Dom that will cherish your submission and care for you, because ultimately, that is what enables you to serve his needs. For a sub... "The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else" .
But first, do some self worth and validation exercises,.. some word clouds and vision boards about yourself, your submission, what you have to offer, what you desire for yourself, and in a Dom.. and be strong enough to not settle for any Dom that does not align with your vision. Get up in the mornings and Bow in front of a mirror & remember that when you are not collared, you serve your self first.. Look at yourself , all of you..feel beautiful, intelligent, strong and sexual...Remember who you are as a sub, and once you know that, AND feel good about it, you are ready to make yourself available to new Doms,... and unlike your past Dom, they won be hard to find. Be strong precious. You are a a gift. Thank you for the support. I havent stop trying. I think that is what is so frustrating. Its like a mind compulsion. Its not fair. Because if he was just a human being maybe he could call or ehatever and just release me or tell me some truths so that I can move on. I just left in a pitt of rage and confusion. Its really hard. I'm super picky who I get back under |
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Miki(masochist female)
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
I don't know how much emotion you have invested in this, but if the "bond" is just a D/s commitment, you can pull the plug on it at will. This guy seems to have ghosted you, so all bets are off.
In the case of attached feelings, yeah it hurts, but you are no doubt smart enough to now this tool isn't for you. Move on. Lastly if it's some kind of "contract" thing--- hope you realize none of them are actually legally binding, signed or not. And of course sorry if I missed the mark. The above is just my 2 cents about what I got from the original post, but one of my issues is I don't do well with long posts, so I often skim. Sorry if I missed anything. |
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Bunnie
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
I tend to fall that deeply too, and agree, it does feel like a curse. There’s no rush. Your heart will be ready again at some stage
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Redneck Kitty(sub female){(mdlg)}
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
You will find it when you least expect it
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Zelia
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
One of the things that might help is knowing that if you can’t find Him, it’s likely He has moved on. You’re missing something that isn’t there anymore. If you found Him it’s unlikely the relationship would be anything like it was.
That’s a difficult reality to accept but accepting it and beginning to grieve for what you’ve lost helps you to move forward. Invest in yourself. You’re a whole person without a Dom/Master. Find things you love, journal, read, run… it doesn’t really matter what you do but you need to find a way to move on so that you’re happy on your own and don’t ‘need’ anyone else. |
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Lostasfuck(sub female)
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
No you didnt miss the mark Miki wrote: I don't know how much emotion you have invested in this, but if the "bond" is just a D/s commitment, you can pull the plug on it at will. This guy seems to have ghosted you, so all bets are off.
In the case of attached feelings, yeah it hurts, but you are no doubt smart enough to now this tool isn't for you. Move on. Lastly if it's some kind of "contract" thing--- hope you realize none of them are actually legally binding, signed or not. And of course sorry if I missed the mark. The above is just my 2 cents about what I got from the original post, but one of my issues is I don't do well with long posts, so I often skim. Sorry if I missed anything. |
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Lostasfuck(sub female)
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2 years ago •
May 4, 2022
It seems fine and then one day its just there again. Obnoxious lol
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