Advice

Advice

Dawna Dee​(sub female) • Aug 20, 2022

So I'm relatively new to this lifestyle, and Google has really been and no help! So I'm curious on what type of advice y'all could give me on the Dynamics in general, good books to read up on, places to search, conventions to go to anything to take these steps in learning. What's some good advice that has been given and stuck with you through your experience?

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Aug 20, 2022

That depends on the dynamic in question.

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Aug 20, 2022

The books that were recommended to me were: "Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns" and anything by Jay Wiseman. There is a book called "Slave Craft" by Guy Baldwin. I never read it, but I've heard good things and it tells about a slaves relationship...and read prefaces.

Most local groups give classes/seminars. They are usually free or low cost. I don't know where you are, so you will have to find them online.

Unless you are just looking to get off...which is fine....stay away from fiction/fantasy books. They are usually written by people who have no experience in the lifestyle.

Best advise I got was take everything you read and hear with a grain of salt and what works for other people may not work for you and yours. Take what feels right to you and toss the rest.

Best wishes.

trixietrixster​(sub female) • Aug 20, 2022

The first book that I read by way of suggestion was "The Loving Dominant", by John Warren ...

There are so many different dynamics and it's not at all uncommon not be sure where you fit in. Take your time, research as much as you can. And, of course, like nilla relationships, be cautious of red flags ...

Miki • Aug 21, 2022

As alluded to above, but just a touch more strongly.. There is NO "Official Book of Regulations" regarding twisted dynamics.

Sure, you can read and learn from various publications on the topic to get a general idea of how things "often" work, but in the end, once you find a partner willing and able to be "the other half of the equation" you two have to figure out what works for yourselves.

Any kink worth their salt will tell you... That they can't tell you what works and what doesn't.. for you.

SassyinCali​(sub female) • Aug 21, 2022

I agree with what was said above, especially by Miki. Every dynamic is different, even ones you have with specific partners will be different. As they will involve different people with with a variety of interests and approaches. Open and clear communication is vital from the start as to expectations and what you are looking to get from the dynamic. Keep the communication open throughout the dynamic as people evolve and needs may change.

Finding a mentor you trust is something I would recommend as well.

You can find different resources and information on this site in the Magazine section as well.
https://thecage.co/library.php?Library=view_category&CatID=1

DevilOfNoMercy • Aug 21, 2022

First you need to figure out yourself,what you want out of this and what works for you. Because without that knowledge it is very easy to be mislead and hurt.
This is an old and good sight to look at. Very detailed

Feel free to look at it

https://www.evilmonk.org/a/dvera01.cfm

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 21, 2022

Being new you will not know what you want or what works for you.
Thats not realistic.

Google a bdsm checklist. Think about it.
What do you mastrubate to? Thats a good start.
M/s for the Rest of Us- because I wrote it.
The submissive guide.com
Good place to start.
Good luck on your journey!

DevilOfNoMercy • Aug 21, 2022

If you listen to 20 different people you will get 20 different answers. Granted some of it you learn through exploration but you do need to know what you expect to gain from this lifestyle and that part comes from within yourself. Once you have a clue of what you are and what you want then pursue it and find those who are similar to you. You should also find someone honest that you feel you can trust and ask questions as they come to you.. I had a mentor when I first came into this lifestyle 36 years ago who taught me every step of the way until I could stand on my own 2 feet and do things on my own.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 21, 2022

You cant know what you expect to gain.
Its like telling someone who never had chocolate to describe the taste.

Meet people- talk- think about who you are - but knowing is a different matter all together.

Be open to yourself and find others who want the best for you- NOT BY USING YOU-

Mentors aren't for everyone.