Does everyone know the why behind their kinks?

Does everyone know the why behind their kinks?

Estaria​(sub female) • Sep 2, 2022

First off....hello everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read and post if you're here! ^.^

I'm just curious...does everyone know the why behind their kinks? Do you think it's important to know why you like certain things or is it similar to liking different flavors of ice cream? How do you explain why you like vanilla and not strawberry? It's just a preference in my opinion.

I'm curious because I've come across some kinks that I think....yes, that's nice I think I would really enjoy that. But, I'm not really sure why and sometimes they are things that I think (in my limited amount of education on bdsm) are used more as a sub's thing. I don't have a dominant bone in my body (at least I don't think so) and I guess when I think about these kinks, in my mind they are not used in a submissive way but by the dom in a dominant way. If that makes sense?

Anyways, the question....do you all think it's important to understand the why behind kinks or do you think it's best to just go with the flow and whatever you like that's just what you like? ^.^

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Sep 2, 2022

No I don’t try to think too much about why I like the kinks that I do. I know some people are very interested in the reasons they enjoy certain kinks but it just doesn’t matter to me. Thinking too much about the why seemed like trying to convince myself it’s wrong instead of just embracing it.

aceaceace​(sub female) • Sep 2, 2022

It's definitely something I don't think about, mainly because that's not a can of worms I'm ready to open.

There's just nearly not enough good and competent therapist for all that shit.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 2, 2022

I don't give it much, if any thought. As Popeye oft was quoted, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am."

Overanalyzing shit like this can kill the mood, although right now I'm inactive sexually.

Estaria​(sub female) • Sep 2, 2022

Love it! Haha 😄

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 2, 2022

I love to hear the exclamation of pleasure from my partner while we play, plus I'm pretty good with florentine floggers and single tail whips.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 2, 2022

I have at least analyzed why I have submissive tendencies, but it's a complicated answer. Partly it stems from both a desire to please and a fear of failure, and partly from an admiration of strength and intelligence. As far as kinks, I think it may stem from a couple past experiences that are deeply personal.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Sep 3, 2022

I really don't try to reason out the whys. For some things, if it's obvious, I just kind of think 'oh that makes sense'. There are also some I've discovered that just hit that right button for me and I just kind of say; 'ok, guess thats a thing I'm into'. I feel like I'd drive myself mad if I spent my time seeking whys. I have no reason to put all of my kinks into that first category; for me, some things just are.

Celestial​(sub female) • Sep 3, 2022

Psychology nerd here:

Most kinks, but more so fetishes come from sexual experiences as an adolescent (specially whatever age you started masturbating).

So for example often (of course none of this is 100%), those who develop a foot fetish probably masturbated lying down and with their head raised and their feet were in their line of sight. The brain associates the pleasure of an orgasm with feet.

Another example is young people who masturbated at home with their door unlocked and had a fear of a parent or sibling walking in (due to whatever circumstance), may be into a exhibitionist fetish.

Of course, this is all subject to change - but it's most common statistically. Psychology and sex are two very fun things to study together!

Bunnie • Sep 3, 2022

I like to dabble with delving into my “why’s” because that’s almost a bit of a thing in and of itself for me. I’m very much into the “mindfuckery” aspect of BDSM. I like to know why I like to do something… and do it anyway. I like to feel my shame or my guilt or my fear or my desires or my humiliation. Strange, I know lol. I guess I like to have the whole experience with eyes wide open