What is mind games in bdsm?

What is mind games in bdsm?

Storms n Abi{Whatever } • Sep 6, 2022

Hello everyone. I just wanted to quench my deep curiosity about BDSM and ask more about mind games. As in maybe the psychological aspect of bdsm? I tend to lean more towards the psychological part and don't focus on the physical. But really. I don't understand. What's the psychological aspect of bdsm all about? And where does being broken fit in the picture? And yea... I'm confused atm

CSI • Sep 7, 2022

I did a lot of pondering and research about this when I first started exploring and I have to say, it all turned out pretty much as clear as mud (which is to say not clear at all). It seems to depend on who you are, who you are talking to and unique to each dynamic. Mind games can be anything from lying to intentional misleading (which may or may not be allowed in dynamics) to creating an environment of fear (for cnc and primal play for example).

I questioned the "breaking a submissive/slave" many times, and the best explanation that I found was that it isn't really intentionally breaking, but rather unlearning previous beliefs, behaviors, and knowledge that is believed to be detrimental to the submissives growth and preventing them from advancing to what is deemed as "better" for the relationship, the dynamic or to better serve or suit the dominant.

The problem with any/all of the above is the question as to who decrees that the dominant has the submissives best interests at heart or do they just want to f*ck the submissive up and get themselves off. I mean, a dynamic is an intense and such a deep connection (or should be) and should be a beautiful thing where both people are fulfilled and happy down deep in their soul, rather than a codependent toxic mess. Just my opinion.

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Sep 7, 2022

Mind games is basically fucking with someone mentally. Yes, in a way it can be considered "fear play". Which I don't think should even be a kink. Nor should "mind games" even be a thing in here.

Mind games are about getting into someone's head and making them either believe something or question something.
It's mainly used in fucked up ways.

For example, a dominant says that he sent the submissives nudes to all his friends. Then after having her freak out and cry for a while, they reveal that they didn't send them and lied. Causing the submissive's mind to go from deeply hurt, scared, and shaking with fear. Straight to relieved.

You're basically fucking someone up mentally for life and calling it a kink. It's the same as someone being physically beaten by someone they love and then that person holding them after and saying that they did it because they love them.

A good and pure dynamic already has good mental stimulation. It comes naturally. You don't need games to achieve it. You start to feel it more and more as your dynamic grows.

Storms n Abi{Whatever } • Sep 7, 2022

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I gained more understanding as I wasn't aware if this is something good or practiced. Now I know it's not right.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Sep 7, 2022

The psychological aspect of BDSM (or mind fucking) can be very exciting. The example that Secret Mind gave above however is not what I’m talking about.

It can be something simple like a Dom using one impact toy to slice through the air so that the sub hears that “whooshing” sound and is anticipating a hard impact, but then he uses his other hand to actually hit her with much less impact than expected.

It can also be being degraded by your Dom. Having someone you’re so devoted to call you names and talk down to you can be very arousing for an emotional masochist. Aftercare is extremely important for most people (both Dom and sub) after this type of play.

Then there’s the way a Dom can mind fuck his sub by just letting her imagination run wild like by telling her he has something he wants to try but not telling her what it is. Making her wonder all day trying to figure out what’s going to happen.

I enjoy feeling nervous and a little fearful in my dynamic. I understand it’s not for everyone, but it doesn’t make it wrong. However, I wouldn’t allow just anyone to do these things with me. I trust my Dom and I know that he loves me. He builds me up much more than he degrades me, and he reassures me more than he creates fear. But oh my…the adrenaline I get from the things he does to me psychologically is incredible!

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Sep 7, 2022

Abi,

(First - lets not dwell on what constitutes a legitimate kink, and whether or not it should exist on a BDSM site. That's a sure way to change the focus of this conversation before it has barely begun.)

It would be very helpful if we had a better understanding about what you mean by "mind games." There are a lot of ways one could answer this question based solely on one's definition.

We could be discussing the sort of bullshit that people pull on each other every day, like frustrating someone by locking their keys in their car when they are already late for an appointment. Worse things like driving someone out to the middle of nowhere and abandoning them there alone, only to return a few hours later. Even something as fucked up and malicious like the scenario that Secret Mind described.
But there are also enjoyable mind games - some we even perpetrate on ourselves like haunted houses and horror movies and practical jokes.

However, based on the wording of your question "what is mind games IN BDSM" my interpretation of your question is that you are wondering about psychological domination, emotional sadism, things like these.

Often, common fetishes like sensory deprivation, bondage, degradation, and some punishments, are founded on mind fuckery. By design many CNC kinks (including fear play) necessarily include this sort of thing. One could argue that erotic hypnosis is a sort of "mind game." I wouldn't use that term, but some might, and it would depend entirely on their definition.

To a great degree any relationship that involves a high level of trust, any power exchange dynamic, any situation where someone else has control over you in any way - even if you give it to them - can play with your mind. In BDSM these things are commonplace. As to whether or not they satisfy your definition of "mind games" hopefully you will clarify for us.

Can you also explain what you mean by "where does being broken fit in the picture?"

MasterBear​(other butch) • Sep 7, 2022

There seems to be 2 separate questions here..

The 1st of what is the psychological aspect of BDSM. That differs for everybody. For some the psychological aspect of BDSM is is taking on a role or an honorific such as "Master" "slave" "pet" "boi" "it".

All of these roles have a different psychological component.

What I think you might be referencing here is psychological play. Which is different then taking on a role.

For example, Interrogation, humiliation, degradation.

These are types of psychological play with a focus on getting into the brain.


As far as breaking. That is also a seperate issue. The concept of "breaking" is to break the person down physically and psychologically and then rebuild them into a desired role.

Breaking has serious long term effects that should not be taken lightly.