s types engaging a D type

s types engaging a D type

MasterBear​(other butch) • Sep 7, 2022

Here is one that I see a lot posted over time. It is new, usually s types asking how to approach a D type or how to answer a D types question.


The question is usually framed around "what do you call this person and what do you do to show respect"

So let's be very clear here the honorifics that we have in BDSM "Sir" "Maam" "Master "----- whatever--- these are earned names. They are negotiated names.


If if you go up to somebody you don't even know and they demand you call them by an honorific that to me is a red flag.


If you are an s type and you want to approach a D type:

Walk up - say hi- introduce yourself.


You are not expected to know a protocol that may not even apply to them anyway OR 2 call them by an honorific that hasn't been negotiated.

Anybody that expects you to know those 2 things you need to not be around anyway- cause its just downhill from there.

NobleRedbeard​(dom male) • Sep 8, 2022

That's probably what I enjoy most about nearly all things pertaining to BDSM. They're all earned. Anyone with expectations at the beginning of a relationship or encounter easily outs themselves as someone who doesn't take their role, position or responsibility seriously. I can be extremely intimidating to approach despite my best efforts, but when it happens, it's always met with respect. Courtesy. Careful consideration. Relationships of all kinds grow, they don't just happen. Besides, being handed the trophy of "Master" or "Sir" just for showing up seems so hollow and empty to me. Are there people out there who truly feel satisfied with being given a participation medal? I don't understand it. When I encounter a submissive, I never share any of the titles I may be accustomed to with her, even when prompted. Instead, I wait, and eventually I'll be given an honorific title of her own accord. In fact, one of my favorite moments in relationship building is waiting to see just what kind of submissive she is based off of what title she herself naturally gives me.

FlyingAlan​(dom male) • Sep 8, 2022

>>> So let's be very clear here the honorifics that we have in BDSM "Sir" "Maam" "Master "----- whatever--- these are earned names. They are negotiated names.

If if you go up to somebody you don't even know and they demand you call them by an honorific that to me is a red flag. <<<


100% agree, immediate red flag unless maybe at a munch or event when everyone there is in the scene. Even then.....................

I usually never tell a sub to call me anything. I want to see when SHE thinks it's appropriate. When THEY bring it up, it has more meaning and you know it's not just "because I told her to do it" When they bring it up I will usually ask why and their reasoning etc.. and if they feel we have gotten to that point where honorifics are deserved, then it is negotiated so that it is expected from that point on. At that point to both of us, the title was earned, not just a thing you do in this kinky world.

And honestly, it's sexy as hell when a sub tells you that she wants to start calling you Sir because it just feels right.

Estaria​(sub female) • Sep 8, 2022

I just want to thank everyone on this site. You are teaching newbies like me how things are supposed to be done. I am very grateful.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 8, 2022

People are offering views (said in general re on the Cage) and not all are of equal merit, and none, even the ones of merit should be taken as ‘how things are supposed to be done.’ I know that confuses things, but there is no one true way, a prescribed way. There are multiple ways to live a life in which some, or many bdsm lifestyles, elements can be lived.

Please look beyond the echo chamber that Cage often is to the views, opinions, teaching that well established, ethical, highly regarded, consistent educators offer. Its only by having a broad education, that its easier to spot the bs some try to peddle, as the right, and only way. I say that in general, not necessarily in relation to this thread,

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 8, 2022

In regard to MasterBear’s opening post, I agree completely.

Estaria​(sub female) • Sep 8, 2022

Ah, excuse my lack of clarity.

I only meant that I'm honored in general to be able to be around so many experienced people, subs and doms both included. I understand that while I might say this is how I think things should be done, probably also because of the certain dynamic I chose, not everyone does things the same. Do I think they are wrong? No, of course not. As long as everyone is happy in the relationship/dynamic, I wouldn't dare say anyone was wrong for doing things their own way.

I value everyone's opinions and thoughts, including yours just now.

I had just been woken up from some unexpected text alerts on my phone, so I wasn't really fully there. Maybe next time I'll wait until the morning to post on forums. 🤭

Miki • Sep 8, 2022

Anyone who insists on honorifics and all that shit, sight unseen, is not a real "dom". They might think they are because they "read about it somewhere" or made the usual outside-looking-in assumptions based upon similarly "outside-looking-in" crap like "Fifty Shades" just to name one.

Red flag, U Turn, tell the joker "No Thanks".

That's what I do, when tools make far-fetched assumptions just because of my looks or what I am wearing or their impression of those like me in general, once again based upon shit mainly meant as "entertainment only". (porn, saucy novels, stories from friends who went to far places), blah-blah-blah

InqSci​(dom male) • Sep 8, 2022

^^^Bingo!!!

I'mME • Sep 9, 2022

Estaria,

You did not do anything wrong in your first comment thanking people. NOT ONE THING WRONG.
Please do not ever apologize for being who you are, because that can become a habit. And then you can start to devalue yourself, what you feel and think will become less important, until one day you will have ceased feeling and thinking for yourself. Always follow that voice inside you, let it develop and your comment of thanks came from your heart. Do not let anyone take any of that from you, so you understand what I am writing about?