Dominant Styles

Dominant Styles

There4you • Nov 29, 2022

After a sabbatical I sat and wrote as authentically and transparently what I’ve found important to the foundation of me as a person and a Dom:
A Shepherd, Potter and Vinedresser.

My view is there is not a right or wrong way to be in a D/s dynamic as long as there is no harm to the other.
What makes it right; or wrong is the contract between the two parties.

I hope to have a blog where both Dom’s and sub’s can share, from their perspective what they have found makes them a better individual and player in those role?
I am curious as to how others lead there submissive’s and equally important what makes a sub feel valued, respected and desired?

Any and all constructive view points are welcome.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 30, 2022

Bingo, dude! Right on the "screws" ! So long as matters about the foundation and the day-to-day crap that is a relationship of any kind, not just kink --there is NO "right or wrong". --- well not as far as I'm concerned, anyway, for whatever that's worth. Your Mileage May Vary.---

So... I have posted on the topic before, some time ago, that there is no Official Book of Rules and Regulations of Kink anywhere in existence, except perhaps, in the minds of those (in here or anywhere us twisted fucks can be found) who appoint themselves Arbiters of Official Freak Policy.

-------------------------------------------------------------

When someone is new to either end of the stick, and asks a more experienced BDSM type for pointers and advice (may be awkward to many, but not if you know the other BDSM person well and both are comfortable with the topic) --- you get just that. advice, thoughts, opinions.. Guidelines. Pick what you find most applicable to your natures as a couple, and flush the rest down the proverbial crapper.

Best of Lick! (I really did mean "luck".)

Bunnie • Nov 30, 2022

@There4you,

“A Shepherd, Potter and Vinedresser.”

I quite liked reading how you’ve defined these aspects of yourself on your profile. Nicely thought out and articulated

“what makes a sub feel valued, respected and desired?”

What makes me personally feel valued is being of use. Having purpose. Making Another’s life better in some way, if I can.

Feeling respected, for me, comes from within. I don’t place my self-worth on what others think of me, so I feel that whether someone chooses to respect me or not plays very little into how I move through life. What matters to me is the choice I make in how I treat others. How they choose to treat me is their choice.

Desired is a strange one. As I’m shifting between the stage of “youth” into “hag-hood” lol, how I view being desired has shifted a lot. It’s still an ongoing process, so I can’t really share much about it in much depth. I guess as I feel like I’m embracing my “woman-ness” more, there is forming a depth to my sexiness/sexuality that wasn’t there before, yet at the same time, there is almost a feeling of societal invisibility forming as I transition out of the more “desirable age range.” It’s a strange experience. However, to answer your question more directly, I guess what makes me feel desired these days is simply being *seen* and accepted and wanted in the wholeness of who I am.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 30, 2022

“what makes a sub feel valued, respected and desired?”

What makes me feel valued by my Dom is the way that he makes me a consistent priority in his life. He tells me regularly how important I am to him and he backs up his words with actions. He never makes me feel like his responsibility to me is a burden, although I realize the effort that it takes to be the amazing Dom that he is.

I feel respected by him because he learns about topics that interest me and he likes when I express my opinion on various subjects. He says that I make him think. He encourages me to express my wants and needs. That doesn’t always mean I get what I want of course. Then there are those times that I want to feel like he doesn’t respect me at all. He does that part exceptionally well too. 😉

He makes me feel desired because of the way he speaks to and about me. I feel incredibly desirable being the subject of all of the sexy plans he makes for us and when he just uses me as his toy to play with. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room with the way that he looks at me. We very rarely are in the same room together and not touching each other in some way.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 30, 2022

You make it very easy for me to value, respect, desire you. I have said it many times here and in private that you are the biggest and best part of my heart, and my most treasured possession. No one has ever made me laugh as much or as hard as you do, has ever captivated me like you do, or made me want to be a better Dom, person, and man than you make me want to be. You are always the most beautiful woman in every room that you are in. It's not fair to everyone else but you just can't help it hahah.
You are my dirty little whore and I love you! 💘💘💘

There4you • Nov 30, 2022

LongerJohny & ButterfliesAndCuffs,

I very much appreciate how both from a sub’s reverence for her Sir and for you Johnny as a Dom who values emotionally, intellectually and physically your little butterfly…. It was indeed a beautiful expression!! Thank you for sharing.

I had a sub and our dynamic was almost identical to what you both have. Due to a harsh custody battle she asked to be released.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done but yet it was the best thing for her. Enjoy each moment you have together because we never really know just how much time we have.

I wrote my Shepherd, Potter and Vinedresser thoughts as I reflected on what I had learned as a Dom. It is a personal, and honestly very vulnerable account of the man inside…

Again thank you for both of your words.
You have made my day..

Tom

Someday I will find My submissive. I hope..

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 30, 2022

Tom,

Thank you so much for your sweet words! We value every moment we spend together. We realize how very lucky we are to have found each other.
I’m sorry to hear about what happened with your last dynamic. You sound like a very caring and dedicated Dom in reading your profile and what you’ve posted here. I wish you the best of luck in finding your submissive.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 30, 2022

Thank you very much Tom. That is very kind of you to say.
We are only 1 month away from our official first anniversary and we flirt with each other even more now than when it all began almost a year ago!
Best of luck to you finding your perfect sub just as I have found mine. The wait is more than worth it.

There4you • Nov 30, 2022

Thank you Johnny & Butterflies.
She is indeed out there for me to find….

Interesting you and your butterfly will have your one year anniversary in December. Always been amazed at how there are endings and beginning’s in life. For you guys a year since she first knelt. For me a year since I released her who had captured my heart as much as I her submission….

The cycle continues…..
I do believe with all that is in me my “butterfly” is close to her new birth!!

And thank you for your kind words as well,

Tom

There4you • Nov 30, 2022

To Bunnie,

Could not private message you so here I am for all to read.

I articulated my thoughts of a Shepherd, Potter & Vinedresser as I ventured thru a time of both healing and reflection as a human being, man and Dom. It was a difficult but needed time of evaluating self which made your kind response even more meaningful.
Thank you for that…

To my question of “what makes a sub feel valued, respected and desired?”
The aspect you shared of feeling valued thru “use” or service in my view points to your submissive nature. It is a beautiful characteristic.

Your personal perspective on being respected and having self worth regardless of others is so true yet seldom it seems lived out by the masses. We come together as two unique and wonderfully made individuals. We are complete in and of ourselves. The notion another will complete us, though sounding nice and romantic is in truth not (by my understanding) accurate. We do not complete one another, however, we do compliment one another. Thus when two individuals come together that are emotionally and relationally healthy there exist’s fertile ground in which the potential for growth, discovery and depth can be realized. As for Choice…… Yes we are responsible for our own decisions and what we allow or do not allow as it applies to others is where healthy boundaries arise…

Your reflection on desire I found endearing and one of self reflection. I’ve found in reality we are all in the constant process of evolution just as you shared. Maybe for different reasons however, to not be in a state of change is too not experience all life has to offer.. Views of ourselves, others, our priorities and what we desire gains more depth should we be on the constant path to experience what life brings our way. Your perspective in embracing your “woman-ness” has indeed made you a more sensual and sexy woman…. At least too me…

To quote you:
“However, to answer your question more directly, I guess what makes me feel desired these days is simply being *seen* and accepted and wanted in the wholeness of who I am.”
This is where I am at the root of being a man and a Dom. It is “INTIMACY” with my future submissive I seek.. The Greek word for intimacy can best be interpreted:
“Into Me You See”.
To know and be known is what I desire

Perhaps this forum question I asked is a Segway. I would request the honor of getting to know you better Bunnie.

Might you be interested?

Tom