Latent dominant tendencies

Latent dominant tendencies

gillesderais​(sub male) • Feb 25, 2023

I've just been reading Venus in Furs and one of the interesting things is the way Wanda, the domme, tells Severin, the sub, that he has brought out her sadistic side. She wasn't aware of it before they start the relationship. Do we think this is possible? Can a subs request turn a person into a domme if they didn't realise it previously? Do some women have a kinky side that just needs bringing out? Or is this just wishful thinking?

Miki • Feb 25, 2023

Only if it lies within to begin with. I am unfamiliar with the book you referenced, but that scenario is possible, although I doubt it can take place just "upon request" or be "switched on and off" like a light fixture.

But what do I know? All people are different and nothing is cut and dried, one size fits all. Not where humans are concerned. In the end all you got with this post is my humble opinion.

gillesderais​(sub male) • Feb 25, 2023

All I wanted was your humble opinion!

Miki • Feb 28, 2023

Well that you got, accent on "humble". Truth be told I seldom post to topics of which I don't know my ass from a hole in the wall but I had some thoughts on the matter and decided to share them for folks to take or leave.

Sasa​(dom female) • Feb 28, 2023

I don't know the book, but in general, of course, this is possible. That doesn't mean you can pull it out, but in my case, I changed with some partners. I believe it is a normal process, call it a kind of growing, also growing together.

but please don't dream about changing your marriage. There has to be a lot more than latent dominant tendencies. If she is open, maybe but in that case you would not call your marriage unhappy. You both would just add something more to your vanilla happiness.

Good luck

gillesderais​(sub male) • Mar 1, 2023

Thanks for the wise words. I guess I have been on a journey to the realisation that I am sub. But I don't think a dominant woman could have pulled a sub nature out of me if it wasn't pretty strong already.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 2, 2023

Based on the general fact that most ppl Centerton just what they feel suits them the best shows an extreme possibility of additional roles. For instance I've recently within the last month acquired ownership of a sub/little/kitty and with the addition of another sub/little/pet she has found a great joy in being mommy to the 2nd as she educates the 2nd of everything this lifestyle has to offer

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Mar 2, 2023

Preface: Just wanna acknowledge this is speculation, not asserting any authority here.

That said...

i look at attributes like "Dom" or "sub" as being on the human sexuality spectrum, which i see as multidimensional and way beyond linear (and linear is infinite lol). As many of us are often fond of reminding ourselves, this stuff is complicated. i believe our best chances of understanding come in narrowing to individual vs generalization.

Re the questions: "Wanda, the domme, tells Severin, the sub, that he has brought out her sadistic side. She wasn't aware of it before they start the relationship. Do we think this is possible? Can a subs request turn a person into a domme if they didn't realise it previously? Do some women have a kinky side that just needs bringing out? Or is this just wishful thinking?"

i think a big part of relationship is about discovery (especially intimate relationship). i think we can see ourselves through introspection, i also think we see ourselves in the mirror of another person. None of our 'mirrors' are perfect, or without bias, so i believe we have to always be looking and steer clear of reaching absolute (forever) conclusions about our self or another person. Life is fluid, and if one has changed, one can miss what is because they are not looking, but instead responding to what they saw in the past.

In my experience, some things are more fluid than others. E.g., i can trace being gay and having a sub side back to age 7, and those have remained constant my whole life, even though both have evolved. So, whether right or wrong, accurate or not, i tend to believe that attributes like "Dom" and "sub" are deeply rooted, but the form they take is individual. i think it's a mistake to apply general notions about either to an individual.

my own feel is we cannot 'make' someone Dom or sub. i don't think a subs request will "turn a person into a domme," but i do think that a subs request can uncover or open a door to a place in a person where they become aware of a part of their self they have not seen (or acknowledged) before. i've experienced it. A Man uncovered boy in me that i was not consciously aware of, and i had to be opened in an intimate way to see, and experience it.

A person may "have a kinky side that just needs bringing out," but i don't think that means just anyone can do that or it's a simple process.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Mar 8, 2023

I've read "Venus in Furs", which was written by the namesake of masochism - Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, a submissive masochist - and published in 1870.

The main character, Severin, first sees Wanda in a hotel lobby and is struck (har, har) by her demeanor. He approaches her for conversation and makes his offer: she wears furs, orders him around, beats him up, and he'll pay for her room and board and other items. It's suggested that Wanda has had no kinky experience before, so I'm unsure if this counts as a making-of-a-pro-domme story, thought it certainly flirts with that concept as well as financial domination.

So, can latent tendencies be coaxed out of someone who has no kink experience? Depends on the person. A lot of kinky people can trace an interest back to their younger years: creative uses for jump rope, watching superhero shows and either wishing to be the hero tying people up or the villain getting tied up, tickle play, pretending to be an animal, being very precise about tea parties with dolls and / or friends, etc.

I don't think that everyone has latent dominant - or even kinky - tendencies, at least not that they're willing to admit to. Is enjoying having your partner grab your wrists and holding them down during intercourse kinky? Or cover your mouth so that you're less inhibited about screams when living around thin walls? Or is that just them being GGG - Good, Giving, and Game? Folks identify the way they want to identify. However, kinky folks realize that they're kinky in various ways. Some people want more, some people want to hold it at a little bit of extra bedroom tomfoolery.

But if you're approaching a kinky person who already has a fixed submissive or dominant role and try to coax out a latent opposite, you're likely to meet some resistance. At best, some dominants I know have a sense of humor about it and take teasing as a form of community love. Most, though, balk or get actively angry at the very suggestion.

I used to attend local dominant women's teas, and watched as folks who were on the bottom / submissive side were handed implements and encouraged to top someone else: the cognitive dissonance was amusing, but very real: they were caught between wanting to follow an order and wanting to stay true to their idea of their role.

Many people can be talked into trying something once, but there's no guarantee that attempt will tap into any latent tendencies - assuming there were any to begin with.

Limerence • May 28, 2023

In my own personal experience, which has been limited to the last 6 years after leaving a 16 year marriage, my relationship with my partner since had begun more as two self declared switches. This has since morphed naturally and comfortably into dominant (me) and submissive (him) roles. We both have masochistic tendencies but his are more pronounced. He has most definitely brought out a more sadistic side to me that I never considered. As a profession, I’m a healer, so sadism/pain is not something that is part of who I have been or how I have interacted with the humans in my care. However, since this one human enjoys pain and becomes putty in my hands when pain is applied, I have come to enjoy this aspect of our relationship and I can see myself embracing this role and in all honesty, a part of myself. I see this as an option when considering the possibilities of other additions to our dynamic. The selfish dominant in me can see a future with multiple submissives if I were to feel so inclined to open our relationship.