Time wasters?

Time wasters?

MambaBlack​(dom male){Looking} • Apr 21, 2023

Anyone else on here, had to deal with time wasters before? Like say you hit a person in their inbox letting them know you interested in them, they reciprocate the energy back and you trying to see where things could potentially go. Only not even a few days after they just stop talking to you out of nowhere with no explanation whatsoever?

I’m sorry but that irks the hell out of me man like why even bother responding if you not even gonna follow through days later you essentially just wasted my time and lead me on to believe you were interested. What’s the point in doing that like seriously?

Re: Time wasters?

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023

**Concerned and heartfelt sigh**

Take a seat pal. Sure, you can grab a drink if you want. Make it strong.

What you described happens so often that there's a name for it: ghosting.

Yes, it is wasting your time. And no, you can't always see it coming and prevent it with absolute certainty.

Some people just do this, for a multitude of reasons. There is little else to do than move on. Having conversations, or putting this in your profile that this is not something you like, can make things a bit easier (on you, emotionally).

So, to answer your question: MANY people on here have dealt with this. We accept it as a reality and a cost of finding your person, and we move on.

Sorry this happened to you, bud. I wish I could say for sure it would be the last time...

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023

I just had that happen but they blocked me. This site need to be updated or we should have a rating system for flakes. Ebay does it. We should do it. I think it would help this site as less B's would happen

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023

Hi ER,

This has been discussed multiple times. Most recently in my memory here: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=128199

The site is opposed to limiting blocking. I know it sucks, but there are some very good reasons for having this stance in an online community such as this. It is not a perfect decision, but it is one that tries to achieve the lesser of two evils.

I am not familiar with the ebay protocol you're referring to. Maybe it is a kind of solution no one has proposed before(?)

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023

Once again a so called dom, bitches about time wasters, though it could be flakes, and fakes, fantasists and wanabes, there are numerous pejoratives that could be used, and using them in this sort of way isn't a classy look, in fact, to my mind, doing so is a red flag.

Look to yourselves, often, its on the one sending the messages, the energy, vibe, words used. More often than not this is why the message is not replied to, the exchange ends and blocking occurs.

Keep in mind that while this is a kink site, people here are human beings first, and not kink vending machines. This isn't a dating site either, and while some people, including myself have met and formed relationships with people here, its grown out of friendship first, and not some sort of insta explosion of kink magic, out of which a dynamic is formed, that goes for all sides and the middle of the slash too.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023

Point taken. But you have to admit that the opposite side happens as well... people don't always get blocked or ghosted for the reasons you've mentioned. And you have no idea whether or not the posters that complain about this are such people. You cannot assume they are. There are more perspectives than the one you are looking from.

And yes, people are human beings first, and not kink vending machines. I am 100% with you there. People have tried to use me as a kink dispenser before and it is not fun.

I also agree with the look to yourself before blaming others approach.

However, where we seem to differ is that I think people who are polite, engage in interactions in good faith, and who are disrespected and their time wasted are also human beings, and they should be considered.

And again, on the fact that there are more perspectives. Not every relationship grows out of friendship first. It is not a dating site, but there are people who do come on here with the goal of a LTR. Where, if a friendship occurs, it is seen as a stepping stone.

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Purĕ​(sub female) • Apr 21, 2023

may this (wannabe) sub speak ?

joking, I'm not really asking for permission (in this case)

I experienced it myself, talking a couple days to a guy, we had a nice phone call from a couple hours and not even 10 minutes after we hung up,I was blocked.
Out of the nowhere.
Even though we finished the call with (quote him) "it was amazing talking to you and I can't wait to hear from you again.You seem like a very interesting woman".
So, imagine how I felt, logging in and seeing that I was blocked.
But after 5 minutes I thought "fuck him, his loss not mine" and I moved on.

I have to admit that I noticed very quickly here on thecage, that most Guys super quickly turn sexual and that just simply turns me off. In those cases, where i think, that this Guy maybe still has "potential" , I try friendly to move the conversation back out of the gutters, but if I feel that everything in his head is just circling around the sexual aspects of a dynamic then I'm simply not interested and stop replying.

I like to establish a certain chemistry first
before moving to those sexual aspects.

Back to the topic.
We all went tru it. Some of us deserving. Some maybe not.

Ghosting sucks. extremely.
Because it's the negative version of a mindfuck. Did I do something wrong? said or wrote something wrong ? what's the deal.
It's not fair.

(but complaining about it in public doesn't make the situation better. Just chew it up and swallow it.)

Ms MaryJane{NOT LOOKIN} • Apr 21, 2023

Or let's flip it the other way. Those that contact you when they don't meet criteria of what is said in profiles. Constantly get messages from those that like what I say and hope I will take them on. No. that is not how it works thanks. Respect what I say and don't come at me expecting a positive response if you don't meet what I expect. They are total time wasters as well. My block list is 10 miles long I am sure! lol

Purĕ​(sub female) • Apr 21, 2023

Oh, I love those.

"Hey, I loved reading Your Profile. What are You into?"
(mostly from Guys under 30)

my profile states clearly that I'm NOT interested in under 30. So why send me a message? Don't waste Your or My time.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023

Agreed.

Here is where I stand though: personally I think venting never solves anything, but it is a part of some people's process. Many blogs here are used to vent, and I normally ignore them.

But, with most other venting, people are met with sympathy. Yes, the answer is often "just suck it up and move on", but people are rarely so dismissive/callous about it. Except when it comes to this.

People get hung up on their own bad experiences and put people who fall into the ghosting camp with the assholes that deserve to be blocked.

Not every one is an asshole that deserves to be blocked. Not every one deserves to have their time wasted and people just tell them "suck it up" and move on. It is unhelpful. Some empathy is very easy here.

Calling a poster a "so called Dom" when you know NOTHING about them or what happened in their interaction is uncalled for.

And talking about people who deserve to be blocked is akin to meeting "black lives matter" with "all lives matter". It's missing the point.