Do nice guys finish last even in kink??

Miki • Jun 12, 2023

Please.. For the sake of fairness, can we please just hear him out, and if any of the more experiienced and All Wise Twisted Fucks in here have something to offer besides cut-downs and also-rans to offer.. Listen to the Deaf Mute. "Shut the fuck up."

Banféinní​(sub female) • Jun 12, 2023

Rejection stings. Unfortunately there is no way around it. In our walk of life we will meet people who simply do not return our interest or affections.
For the most part this more of a reflection of them vs the one who has been rejected.

Each individual has a set of personal preferences which is a reflection of past experiences, mindset and general makeup. There will be certain traits, mannerisms and physical attributes that elicit passion in one but not in another. I’m sure that you are not without your own preferences.

Having a personal preference or what innately ignites passion within us, does not necessarily derive from a preset discriminatory nature.

In an ideal world we would each take the time to dive into exploratory questions to learn about the person standing across from us. Even so, sometimes the chemistry is just not there. If one has been in the dating world for a bit, they most likely have experienced enjoying conversations and then upon meeting in person, the chemistry is nonexistent. It doesn’t mean either party is bad. It’s just that the connection is just simply not a match.

The search to find one who aligns with your preferences and connects with your unique energy can at times be exhausting and wrought with disappointment. The search comes with risk. Much like playing poker. You do not belly up to the table expecting to win every hand. Instead you expect that you will lose on occasion, maybe even more than occasionally. Yet you sit at the table because the risk is outweighed by the reward - winning the pot.

So I suppose the question you need to answer is whether or not embarking on the journey to find your match is worth the inevitable disappointments you will experience along the way?

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jun 12, 2023

Greetings. Take my comments for what they are worth. Since we've gone the route of a job interview and discrimination, I'll use your ordained analogy.

If you submit a resume to a job, you may never see an interview based upon the writing. You won't receive feedback on why you weren't selected. You are one of many submitting similar skill sets for a limited number of positions that you . . . and maybe only you . . . believe you are qualified for. So . . to get to the actual interview, you have to present your resume in an honest, tactful way that attracts the employer by presenting who you are and your skills - why are you the most qualified for the job. I say honest, because during the actual interview, the truth will often avail itself of your qualifications (hence an interview is necessary . . . and I often require a written part of the interview to determine if perhaps you actually wrote your own resume or had it professionally crafted). Often when the interview is over, you may never, ever hear from the panel again, other than a curt "You were not selected." This isn't discrimination unless you have evidence it is for a discriminatory practice - which not being found qualified or "the most qualified" for the job is not discriminatory. (Side note: I wouldn't hire a podiatrist to perform thoracic surgery - no matter that they may both be doctors - just not qualified.)

In this day and age of the internet, social media and the cyber highway, employers are checking out prospective candidates' internet profile and footprints. Young adults who post their "cheeky" college antics of excessive alcohol and drug use are finding they aren't hired due to what they have posted in the past. And many political appointees are now finding themselves being vetted against incendiary comments they blogged about in the prior years. So not only does their resume matter, and their interview, but their past history comes to bear.

I'll apply this to your profile, and I hope it helps. Your profile says very little, and the words evoke less than confidence and strength. You need to present yourself better in your summary. As you seem to indicate, you want to leave something to be learned, but seriously you need to throw "a girl something" - like do you enjoy sports, books, outdoor adventures, movies, music . . .or are you a vegan? Do you like animals? I'd stay away from politics or religion, but hey - you do you.

Much like curb appeal when selling a house. If the front of the house is ugly, why even step inside. Your profile summary offers no curb appeal. But then I point to your blogs. In the two years you have been on, you have a constant complaint that you aren't getting any interests and it appears you are blaming the submissives for not seeing your qualities. That is literally all you've written about it seems. You liken the submissives to racing after the married man when a nice guy is standing by. The nice guy is ignored because he isn't capturing their interest, and most women aren't really hunting "married men". You are literally dismissing the part you are playing in the exchanges. You also point out that in at least one instance, after making contact with a submissive female, she blocked you and it must have been this other Dominant. Or was it perhaps something else? Maybe it was him . . . but then again . . .

I'd probably rethink my blogs if I were in your shoes. They aren't flattering. They also present a picture that doesn't represent strength or confidence. Find yourself first. Maybe blog on your passions and things you like as opposed to how you don't like ghosting or blocking. If a submissive only has the curb appeal to go by, I'm thinking she is going to pass your house by because you don't offer her a picture of what is inside.

Miki • Jun 12, 2023

OK OK.. Give him a break! So he posted a similar post a year ago. Crissakes!

In a year's time, the number of twisted fucks like me who have come and gone would boggle the mind.

Unless they changed the rules, The Forums are for all of us to post questions.

No one is forced to answer and if an individual puts forth a question and gets no replies to their liking... and sticks with our site long enough to pose a question again after a reasonable passage of time--

... Is that against the site rules? Or Your Rules??

I have not been in contact with OP but I would venture a guess that, a year later, a question posed and answered the same is a question answered.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 13, 2023

@Mikki,

Is there a reason why you focused on this one post of mine? You've used it several times.

Notely • Jun 13, 2023

You may just need to work on loving yourself, cut some cords, what bothers you to make peace with life and things that take some time for yourself don't let online get to you.  
Love yourself, create the life that can be better so you can be without worry you start having a good , safe life for yourself.  
Read this book get on your phone  ,You Can Heal Your Life-by Louise Hays, find at local Library or look up some videos based on it to help you release the past move to the present. 




If you like walking in the park long drives why don't you say a bit more about yourself what you can offer as a leading hand , a safe home place you can allow sub to grow. You are the Teacher all it takes little things essence of masculine side to hold room for a submissive. You really can't force a connection if not the same not the same don't take to blighty just like talking to someone on the street if going know what politely say have nice day walk on your way no hard feelings.  Rejection saves you and them from heartache thier more fish in the sea don't give up on yourself and love don't let get to hard just take break get some fresh air do you we all had rejection at some point but do better to release. Hand that leads should start out trying to attract the right kind. The avatar picture looks like looking for a punching bag and not saying you are this but think before you leap what you put as pictures what you write. Nothing about you, what you bring to the table or what you're looking for. All it says is a BDSM test and the photos put a positive outfront leave the bdsm test to the one that comes with the profile don't add it all up in your profile that all comes later. 
If you're in a relationship, and they're not your best friend, then you haven't found real love yet. If you really want trust, safety, connection and someone that wants to share every experience with you, then what you're really looking for is the kind of love that only happens when you've found your best friend in life.

Love is more than just passion, it's also purpose— love gives meaning to our life. Love gives us a reason to do good, be a better person and give in a way that truly matters. Love is more than a rush of feelings or being adored, it's taking everything that's good and pure in us and sharing it with open arms and an open heart. Love with your best friend never grows old, it only grows deeper.

A healthy relationship is about two people choosing to build each other up in love and being supportive of each other. Most would agree with that but still not understand what that really means. We get so stuck seeing life from our perspective that we think that everyone should think and feel the same way that we do, that the way that we experience love should be the same for everyone else. The truth is, men and women experience feeling loved differently and it's unfair to invalidate the way that the other person needs to feel loved because we don't have the same needs. In order to know how to really be there for the other person, we need to know THEM. That means that we need to pay attention when they talk to us, really listen to who they are and try to understand why they feel the way that they do. We need to look at life through their eyes, understand love with their heart. This teaches us who they are and what has made them that way. It helps us to have empathy for them and to be emotionally available when they're having a bad day or struggling to feel lovable. Really being there for someone means that we know HOW to support them because we know exactly what they need, when they need it. When each partner knows the other this way then what you are creating is trust, respect and consistency. Instead of trying to one up or defeat the other, you stop playing games and embrace each other will heartfelt love, understanding and empathy. When you both have this level of trust, then you can experience real emotional intimacy and connection, you will both know what it's like to REALLY be in love with each other.

"When I say I love you more, I don't mean that I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us. I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could come between us.I love you the most." -unknown
A title or label is not what makes a person feel honored by you, it's your commitment to always make them feel like your priority and feel safe emotionally. It's never letting anyone else take their place in your heart. It's loving them more than any fear or temptation that would feed your ego. It's making the decision to choose each other every day.

Iove​(switch female) • Jun 13, 2023

For the amount you moan about women, it begs the question; are you even attracted to them? Doesn't sound like it to me with all this generalisation of women being self-absorbed narcassists just because they don't want to talk to you.

Bunnie • Jun 13, 2023

I’ve been thinking about this thread, turning it over in the back of my mind. I’m going to address this part specifically…

Do the nice guys/girls always finish last?

At first I thought, sadly, yes, yes they do.
But something occurred to me this morning.

Quality over quantity.

Firstly, a clarification on what I consider to be a “nice person,” because I don’t use that term in the context of superficial nicety born from a place of fear. When I use “nice,” it is in the context of someone who comes from a place of healthy love (or at least with the goal of working towards that).

If someone is seeking quantity, then yes, as a nice person, they’ll finish last. Why? Because niceness is confronting, takes work, requires self reflection, and requires putting the effort into putting intention into practice. None of that is easy. And it’s not easy to be around if one isn’t prepared to sit with that within themselves and too do the work.

However, if someone is seeking quality, nice people always win. Because they will attract a person who values those very things about them that make them a healthy partner, and they too will be striving to meet the same level of dedication to achieving that space.
So what do nice people get when it comes to quality?
Real intimacy. Real connection. A Real partner. A Real bond.

I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell want the second type of connection. Give me quality over quantity any day

Bunnie • Jun 13, 2023

p.s
I guess my point is that if we’re seeking quantity, or not attracting quality, but are hoping for deep connection and intimacy, perhaps that’s simply an indication that it’s necessary to do some internal delving and see what still requires some work.

Kitzer​(sub female) • Jun 13, 2023

Yes because "nice guys" make everything awkward. Women don't want nice, they want real and "nice" is the furthest thing from authentic. Most "nice guys" are resentful too and no woman wants to be resented.

Woman can be particularly sensitive to that shit. We don't like being hated on and "nice guys" hate us the most. And mostly because they can't get what they want from us. Which means they're not really "nice".