To Share or Not to Share

Yrmstr​(dom male) • Jul 18, 2023

I think that a good sub should share her Dom. This shows humility and trust, and if the sub is truely sub and enjoys her Dom, then she should want others to enjoy her Dom as well

Yuan​(dom female) • Jul 18, 2023

In my opinion,If a sub doesn't want to share her dom ...it doesn't make her bad . We all have different wants,needs and limits. Some likes to share or be shared . Some doesn't. There's no such thing as bad or good sub or even "truely" sub in this case.

Yrmstr​(dom male) • Jul 18, 2023

Also I do not share my sub for two reasons. The two times I shared my sub came back with some bad habbits and the other time, she by my standards was abused and misused. I care about my subs and they will never be abused and or misused.

I'mME • Jul 19, 2023

Well obviously you didnt care enough about your sub to know the person you shared them with. Since your sub came back back ''abused and misused''

As a matter of fact, you harmed them by your seemingly casual attitude towards the mistreatment over another human being.
If a sub does not want to share their Dom, that doesn't equate to bad, good or anything else about them . Blanket statements.

Miki • Jul 19, 2023

I would not assume Yrmastr "didn't care about his sub" because he shared her twice and the results were not good. First it's highly unlikely he did that if she established "no sharing" as a hard limit, and second, consider for a moment the dude(s) he shared her with were, at least before the fact, trusted friends who had darker sides he was unaware of. it's completely possible to have a friend for years and never see their shitty side. After all, everyone has one, it's just that some are much better at keeping it under wraps... "Show 'em your good side" kind of crap ... than others.

At any rate, Yrmstr also said there would be no more sharing because of these occurrences, and if Sub was damaged in any way, I am reasonably confident that their dynamic is good enough where the damage can be healed.

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As most know, but some seeing a post of mine for the first time would not, so I'll reiterate:

Being one never having been in a dynamic beyond a "session weekend" or even on the rare occasions I actually took a week of vacation from work, my experience in "sharing" is limited to the dude hosting a "party" on one evening or another where I'd be "shared" with those who attended the gathering. Probably better defined as gang-bangs.

Personally I enjoyed the hell out of it.

But therein lies the rub.

Where dom or sub sharing is agreed to as acceptable, then it can be fun and safe, if the "sharing" is done, at least of the sub, with the dominant nearby (not necessarily watching. Fine by me, but I am an exhibitionist, plenty of others are not) But anyway, nearby in case anything gets out of hand, --the "action" can be stopped.

If it is not OK, then (there's that word again) Communication and establishment of hard or firm limits regarding sharing be unmistakeably established. From there, if one or the other breaks the limits (s)he can quickly be tossed ass over tea kettle out the front door, bag and baggage.

Yrmstr​(dom male) • Jul 20, 2023

Thank you Miki for u derstanding, and yes I thought it was a trusted friend that is no longer

I'mME • Jul 20, 2023

One:
Miki did not know that when she wrote her comment that was full excuses as to how something like that could happen to me.

Her comment to me as well as your answer read like excuses. If you weren't prepared to for someone to have thoughts on what you wrote, then you should have not put it out of a social platform where there are people with all types of experience flowing around.

I'mME • Jul 21, 2023

One:
Miki did not know that when she wrote her comment to me, that was full excuses as to how something like that could happen.

Her comment to me as well as your answer read like excuses. If you weren't prepared to for someone to have thoughts on what you wrote, then you should have not put it out of a social platform where there are people with all types of experience flowing around.

Yuan​(dom female) • Jul 21, 2023

@I'mME
I won't even talk about his (Yrmstr)2nd reply on this forum post .
To me both of his replies contradicts each other .
His 1st comment :
"I think that a good sub should share her Dom. This shows humility and trust, and if the sub is truely sub and enjoys her Dom, then she should want others to enjoy her Dom as well. "

Even this raised my hackles ,

But if he meant it in the sense that some subs likes to share and enjoys it , then she can do so .

But what I interpreted from his sentence, that If I don't share my partner
1. I don't trust him
2.I am not a good sub
3.I am not a true sub as I don’t want others to "Enjoy" my dom as well.

Then he goes saying in his 2nd reply:
I don't share my sub cz she was abused etc etc .

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jul 21, 2023

Returning to the OP topic: Sharing isn’t something I personally do. For me it’s not a thrill nor a kick. The right partner always scratches my itches mentally and physically. For some it is a thrill to enjoy new bodies, whether as a Dominant or a submissive. Some submissives may have a fantasy about serving more than one Dominant. For some it’s a thrill to exert the level of control to send their submissive to please another person - a power play as part of the total power exchange. I’m guessing from a social aspect, it’s a thrill to show their peers they can share their submissive. There are a ton more reasons why people might share as a personal or kink thing, to include personal emotional and physical rewards. But . . . Not my thang! I know who I am. Not that it might not be a fantasy or roleplay for the evening . . . Hmmm. . . But the elder mind in me considers more than the initial thrill, it also considers the pitfalls and emotional impact for both myself and my dynamic partner.