Adding To The Pack (Family) - Worth it or not and why?

Adding To The Pack (Family) - Worth it or not and why?

ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate} • Jun 23, 2023

Anyone that has read my profile page and kept up with it knows that Hekate and I are considering bringing in another to our pack. (We are not currently vetting anyone at this point.)

My question is, what are the pros and cons to this and is it worth it? Also, why is it or is it not worth it?

This is something that we have discussed and have agreed that anyone that would be considered would have to mesh well with us and bring worth to the table. In other words, we are not looking for someone that wants to be a freeloader but, will participate in what we are building, understand it, and be a part of it. But, is it worth it?

For clarification, we live a 24/7 Lifestyle. There is no coming in and out of who Hekate and I are.

All thoughts and comments are appreciated.

~Eros

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 23, 2023

I have never done 'kitchen table' poly, always been parallel, or solo, a few times with a primary, more often not. In saying that common problems with all multiple partner set ups include jealousy, insecurity, disrespect, anxiety, inadequacy to name a few, sometimes leading out of each other, sometimes appearing on their own. Open honest frank communication, and actions reflecting what one is saying is important, full transparency and all desiring equally to go in that direction - that is most important. However sometimes despite setting boundaries, limits, guides etc for how things are governed it may end up falling apart despite ones best efforts.

Finding a third, or more is a challenge, often these are referred to as 'unicorns' particularly if they are to be involved in mutual partner scenes, top playing with subs, subs with each other, maybe other tops, in a household, pack set up. It works for some and well, and certainly the variation in energy exchange between top and different subs makes that worthwhile, but between subs that is the thing, that isn't that common, finding and creating, maintaining harmony that will take work, and everyone being on the same page and wishing to make it work.

I wish you Bboth the best in this potential endeavour.

K y i v • Jun 23, 2023

In my experience.. Poly of any format is the quickest way to a very nasty divorce.

Ubasti​(sub female){N/A} • Jun 23, 2023

I’ve done the poly with the “sister wives” before. It was a complete disaster. Females are temperamental emotional creatures. It’s not a question of if jealousy happens it’s when. Taking into account vasopressin and oxytocin affect on emotions you cannot predict what will happen. Rational logic will get lost in the shuffle. Unless you have at least one of the females be emotionally unavailable and then there will be the problem of them bonding to the “family” unit. I feel that dynamics with just one other person is hard. The amount of time/effort/work in the poly situation I was in was overwhelming. It affected my career, family, and self worth in negative ways.

I’m with Kyiv it’s more than likely it will end a dynamic. That’s what I’ve seen in other dynamics not just mine. I’ve only ever seen dynamics work in situations where the two dynamic partners bring in others for playtime only. With both partners present during time with the 3rd/4th and all communication is done in group texts. Or a pack house as mentioned above. But there was more than 1 male available in the two pack houses I know of. so there was less drama.

Just personal experience and what I’ve seen from friends. May you find what works for you both in a healthy way.

~ U~

zipties​(switch female) • Jun 23, 2023

In my opinion... 3 is a crowd.... and I don't like crowds.

autisticbarbie • Jun 24, 2023

Agree with you. Be very careful with this. I have no moral objection to it at all, but it seems like a lot of downside for everyone with very little upside. The thought of it seems kinda nice for a week or two, like we can share clothes, take care of our man and run the house together. That would get outweighed quickly though by less personal attention, less money, less sex, less spoiling, less emotional energy, all that good stuff halved. And no matter how much I loved the female partner, I'd eventually either view her as competition or get bored of the guy and find someone I can have to myself.

From a guy's perspective I can see the desire for like two minutes until I realized that I'd have to double my effort and resources to keep them both happy which sounds like a recipe for an early death, lol.

EpicParker​(sub female) • Jun 24, 2023

I am polyamorous. I have 3 Doms and live with 2 of them. We are 24/7 D/s. We have been together for 14 years and 4 years with my 3rd dominant. I highly suggest you make sure your current dynamic is stable before bringing in someone new. You have to have excellent open and honest communication, boundaries, limits, and rules. Heavily vet a new partner for at least 6 months. It’s important to be able to give everyone the same amount of time and effort. It’s important to not forget your primary partner and their needs.

I'mME • Jun 24, 2023

Eros Rising,

Questions:
Will your 3rd be bisexual?
Are you going to do a hierarchy?
As in Hekate is over the 3rd?

By your words, the 3rd would live with you?

I have previously expressed my dislike of the word Unicorn on here. I will never use it.

These are things that I never see anybody talking about.

When a third (in this case) uproots their life and goes to a couples household, often the couple already has rules made that didn't include the third.
That alone can settle on someone.
Then there is the matter of will they have their own space? Will they be expected to work, not work?
How will they be referred to with your family? Friends ?
How about holidays, how will y'all handle those? What about medical care? Children?

What if things don't work out, will there be an amount set aside for them to either get on their feet, get back home?

I am certainly not questioning your skills with any the above.

I'm giving real life questions.


As far as dynamic between the 3 of y'all would go, it's a conversation that the 3rd should be there for.

Does that make sense?

The term unicorn came about bc couples wanting something like a living machine that desires both of them, never gets tired, cooks and cleans, never complains, is our up on a shelf until one or both decide that they want something to play with. (Dang that's closest I have yet come to explaining what I have witnessed people wanting)

Despite having never met you guys, I know that is not y'all by long shot, through your posts.

This is who I am, by no means does anyone have to ever pay attention.

autisticbarbie • Jun 26, 2023

These are great questions, I'm Me. I get messages daily from men and women expecting me to be their unicorn fantasy daily. Sometimes they don't even tell me what's up at first and I just think I'm talking to some nice guy. And then they come in with the 'i have a girl we want you to be our third' after I've developed some feelings. It's shitty. As you mentioned, I of course don't get these vibes from this poster whatsoever, but these are great questions to consider!

I'mME • Jun 26, 2023

SJG,

Good morning,

Thank you. I thought it may just soark their own list of things important to them.