Remote TPE Relationship

Remote TPE Relationship

Goodsub​(sub male) • Aug 18, 2023

Hello everyone
I’m a submissive that started a relationship two months ago. So far the relationship has been remote. I haven’t met my master in person yet and haven’t even seen him at all. This is due to reasons the master states and that I understand if I choose to believe him and I do.
So far it’s been alright I have a protocol I go by, asking permission to use the toilet, he chooses my outfits, he authorize my schedule each day. Everything is backed with video proofs of me.
Lately my master is more busy and is less communicative with me. Only likes on chat that he saw and approves. It’s was like that sometimes before this also. I feel that he’s not responding to any of things that I’m saying and even not caring about my needs in a way.
He keeps telling me how a failure I am. That I’m a trash incompetent, loser and basically degrading me and letting me feel like I have no values accept my ass hole that’s the only thing I have to give him.
I’m half way okay with that. It makes me horny but also sad. I did express I needed more warmth and softness from him. But he’s reluctant to give me that because he says it turn him off. On the one hand I know that I’m nothing compared to him on the other aren’t I suppose to feel valued in some way.
I would say that at the beginning we had more emotional talks but for the past few weeks it’s gone. Do I think it’s part of the process for him?
I’m really puzzled about it and don’t know if I should continue with this or not. It feels very hard to be degraded in that way all the time. I know that submission is something that I’m destined to but I want to be valued and loved also. Not only to degraded.
So
1. What do think on the fact we haven’t yet met two months into the relationship? I haven’t even seen a picture or seen him in a live video.
2. Am I suppose to feel degraded at all times and not feel valued at all?

Thank you for giving me any feedback on this.
I don’t know if what to think or feel.

I will say this turns me on very much and I know I’m a failure in a way. But I do have some value, no?

Vint​(masochist female) • Aug 18, 2023

I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. Personally I view it as highly irresponsible to engage in degrading someone without first having a deep understanding of that person. Secondly, degrading someone while not giving back isn’t healthy either. If he’s going to take from you then he also needs to be putting something back. Ask yourself if he’s putting anything back in you, does he build you back up? It doesn’t sound like it to me. My advice would be to cut and run immediately. If you’ve expressed your concerns and he hasn’t seen fit to address those on his own then he’s never going to do so. You can’t teach him how to be a good Master. Don’t keep submitting and hope he will get better. He’s breaking you down because it amuses him and even though it’s a turn on you deserve more than to be a temporary amusement.

Goodsub​(sub male) • Aug 18, 2023

Hey

Thank you for taking the time answering me.

I can say that he does know me. Weve talked a lot about my life and he understands me well in a surprising way.
He does give back but in a very slim way. He doesn’t fulfill what he said he would do for me like in helping me manage my work and clients which I feel not assertive enough with. When I asked him about it he told me he will do it when he decides. So I don’t ask for this again.
In opposition I can say that the fact that he lets me deal alone with the stuff he said he would help me with I actually managed myself having him in mind, so maybe this is his plan.

Don’t know. I’m confused about it. I like to submit myself to him and maybe he’s right and I’m wrong and he will take care of me after all. Right now it doesn’t look like it. He does talk about living together from the start we just haven’t met yet because it’s impossible at the moment.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Aug 18, 2023

As someone who has done online dynamics and I'm currently in a irl dynamic. This is a serious of red flags. Unless you agreed on the degradation aspect, then it's unconsensual.
He isn't up holding his end of the dynamic and it's clear that even after discussing it, that he almost doesn't care. You deserve better. I would sit him down one more time and put everything out on the table. Because as of now he is ignoring your needs. If he dismisses them again, I'd leave the dynamic. Your mental health is extremely important when it comes to bdsm.

Re: Remote TPE Relationship

Yuan​(dom female) • Aug 19, 2023

First of all, Choosing to believe him is okay. But before that you should vet that person as you haven't met or even seen him and it's been 2 months already.
After reading your post , the situation seems fishy to me .

I think what you should do is take a deep breath and start thinking from a third party view. As many have mentioned before me , I could see many red flags.

First of all if I think from a positive view , I would say maybe he is really busy .

And if I think in a bit pessimistic way (Which I am doing now) ,

Degradation turns you on but not 24/7 . You have some needs like you need emotional support and also help in managing some of your tasks . But he isn't fulling them so in a way he is neglecting you and your needs. And being reluctant to give you support or it turning him off ....this line kinda rings red flag to me. Feels like he is just giving illogical excuses.

1. You haven't met yet because it's not possible now . That's reasonable.

But not having seen a pic, like I mean you are in a dynamic (2months) but you haven't seen your dominant yet . It looks weird to me ...


2.Submission isn't only about being degraded...like yeah there are some subs who might only like this .But you aren't one of them as far as I have gathered. So your wants are absolutely a top most priority for your dominant. And you aren't "Supposed " to feel degraded if it's not what you want.

Lastly , in my view He might not be the type of dom you want nor you are what he need. If you are feeling that he isn't responding to your needs and only taking what He needs , then you should and must have a clear talk with him regarding this . And if he continues doing it regardless of it , that's not the type of dynamic any sub should be in.

Yuan​(dom female) • Aug 19, 2023

It's okay to feel confused .
But please don't try to make excuses for what he is doing wrong .
" maybe this is his plan" - I think you are trying to convince yourself that He is right. Cause deep down inside you are feeling that something is definitely wrong.

But the thing I would suggest doing now is talking with your dom and stating your needs clearly .

You need time and support (also some help in managing your work which He clearly said that he would do so but didn't) ....even after this if He isn't able to take care of your needs.
Then you should really think clearly about whether you want to continue your relationship or not.

Re: Remote TPE Relationship

starsailor • Dec 3, 2023

You are not a failure, failure is just a perception that you choose to perceive right now. He has likely moved on or disinterested.

These online relationships can move fast as a Master I have been in many. Some long term and some just dip in and out, The downfall is the lack of interest in me beyond me being a Masterx I’m not here to perform a service or fulfil a list of desires. I have a life. My life outside of BDSM is very much important as is within it. I enjoy the control, I enjoy the communication, I enjoy the texts to and from,

It can get stale when the slave forgets my own emotional needs.

You can always spice things up but you need to use your imagination.

Better to serve in person where practical. You have your needs too.

lambsone • Dec 3, 2023

I don't know how relationships go with men to men, but this is what happened this week with me. My Master owns a business and because of the holiday, he had 4 days off. If he and his 2 workers take time off nothing gets done and customers don't get their needs fulfilled. So this past week, it was catch up time. He put in extra hours, was dead tired when he got home but still had to take care of things at home. I knew this going into this week, and reminded myself to give him space. Because we are online only, I try to be supportive when I can. Sending him funny stuff in text messages to give him a laugh and ease the tension in his day, I may sit in the corner on my own or practice deep throating with a dildo. Etc to let him know I've done it. Sending him erotic photos of myself to keep him perked up during his day. Praying for him for what I think he might need in his day such as wisdom in making decisions and dealing with customers, or energy to endure through the day. He also has grown children and friends who like to be with him. And sometimes I feel like the last person on the totem pole of his life. I try to hold it together but this week was especially hard. He sensed something wrong and asked me about it. Knowing I couldn't hide it from him because he is very perceptive I had to admit that I was lonely. I hated to burden him, but do you know what he did? He jumped into action immediately. He continued training me, he disciplined me for an infraction, and basically paid attention to me until I felt better. We've known each other only 2 months, never met in person, and yes he calls me slave, slut, cunt, etc. But he also calls me Hon and Babe. I know it cost him dearly this past week to take time with me and I thanked him for it. But this is what a real Master does when he/she truly cares for their sub/slave. They recognize their needs when they need them filled, and fills them. I have photos of him and have talked with him on the phone. Long distance relationships are tough. Online is tough and we have to make exceptions because of it. However if a Master doesn't respond when the person they are responsible for needs it or at least acknowledges the need, then I would question it. He should fulfill his promises to you to help you. No one is so hardened as "property" that they don't have basic human needs to be valued by the one they are committed to. I would question why it's not possible for you to meet or even have a photo. What exactly is it that is stopping that on his end? Try not to be so accommodating if you are feeling so bad and unsure about his treatment of you. Have the courage to walk away if you determine it's necessary. You have value, you have worth. No one says that a slave/sub has to feel devalued 100% of the time. It's not healthy even if it's a fetish that they might have. There are times when you have to put you first. Only you can determine if this is one of those times.

starsailor • Dec 3, 2023

you have good insight to his needs just remember who keeps his totem pole up!

Miki • Dec 3, 2023

Ugh

Take this with a grain (or even a tablespoon) of salt because I never have nor ever will do "remote TPM" or remote anything, with your experience being one of the principal reasons.

I barely skimmed the above replies because for one thing I am averse to solid walls of text and another, I only want to relate how I would feel if I were, hypothetically in your shoes.

The guy on the other end is a jackass.

Of course you did indicate this turns you on but if you indicated this to the aforementioned jackass, well, it only encourages him to be irresponsible and callous all the more.

Strictly from my point of view and in just my opinion, junk this jerk and find someone IRL with whom you might start a relationship of your mutual choosing. Otherwise, even for you, this crap can and will get old and eventually you'll be inclined to tell him to get lost and go play with himself.

But,,,, "time and effort wasted"... Depending of course on your individual environment (good size city or backwater wide-spot-in-the-road town) .. that would be better spent developing something real and in person, bearing in mind the bum-fuck little towns aren't exactly brimming with twisted folks much less those who are open about it.

[Since everyone knows everyone else and their business, it totally wouldn't do to find out the dude who is simultaneously the police chief, fire chief, and postmaster--- is a freak who likes whips and chains and has a woman running around wearing very little cleaning his house and sleeping at the foot of his bed. Bad bad for Mayberry's clean image. In such cases you'd need to venture to a real city to find someone to fill the bill.]

Anyway, "time wasted" and that you wrote that he contacts you less and less...

Hm,

Who else is he playing this remote control kink game with? Is there even a sliver of reality?


I dunno, again I can only put forth my opinion. The only "remote game" I ever saw as useful is when 2 people located far apart get together over the phone or Online for a remote game of Chess.

(I have seen it in my workplace... One side of it. Fascinating how seriously they take it. No less than if they were at a table in person with an actual chess board sprawled across that table.)

Beyond that.. Online BDSM play? Phooey You're worth more than that.

Best of luck!

M