moving soon, safety and groups

moving soon, safety and groups

NoelM​(sub female) • Sep 10, 2023

i am moving soon and have had no luck finding a bdsm group, or a lesbian dom, or female dom who is out there and would be willing to help me into this world safely, my last attempt was terrifying and unsafe, with no friendly or actually experienced people who were around or willing to help. Any advice would really, really, really be appreciated. thank you in advance.
-NoelM

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Sep 11, 2023

Time. Do not feel like you need to rush into finding a dom just because you don't have one rn. This could be a good time for a break if you need it to get settled in and such.
Wishing you luck

autisticbarbie • Sep 18, 2023

I agree with little Vixie. Also, If you are on social media sites like IG or fetlife, you could try following people in your new area who seem interesting. You could develop some rapport by commenting / liking their posts and eventually shoot out a casual message about how you are new to the area and want to safely attend events or get to know folks in the community and ask for support. I have major social anxiety, like severe social anxiety, but this has worked for me several times in the past.

Good luck on your move!!

Miki • Sep 19, 2023

Definitely "Time".

Available female/lesbian dominants are not in abundance.

It's not at all unlike any other "seeking" situations. The ratio of "x" seeking women to women seeking "x" is somewhere near 9:1, and that's a conservative estimate. It varies from location to location but no matter how you slice it, patience is highly indicated.

Having written all that, don't rush and don't settle for the first one to come along.

Due diligence and all that shit.

If someone is "available" it's for a reason. But not always a bad reason.

Ask questions, observe, and share that the last one was a bad scene and you don't watch re-runs. Doing that only helps one "get the runs" ... and that's pretty shitty.

_______________________________________________


But don't get discouraged. It's "just one of those things"

Best of Luck!

Six Foot Four • Sep 20, 2023

I'm going to echo everyone else; it does just take time. If you're utterly inexperienced, I would focus on finding a group that's into whatever particular flavor of BDSM you're into. It might be as close as the nearest major metropolitan area, but depending on where you're moving to it might be quite some distance away.

A munch in a restaurant or other public place can be a great way to meet people, make friends and get your feet wet in a new area. They'll know people who know people & what's going on in your new home. Best of luck to you.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Sep 21, 2023

Time. Distraction.

I moved several years ago, to an island off an island. No viable options here. You need a critical mass of people.

Be mindful you don't take the wrong opportunities. Just because someone appears, doesn't mean they are right.

I found distraction in vanilla play for a long time. Then found a safe but not really ds outlet. Then found my way back to online play of one form or another. This can be deeply satisfying in many ways.

Time and extending your search parameters /geographical area helps. And you will likely have to compromise on some things.

Try not to let the desperation and keening lead you to do unsafe things. I know how that can happen.

Good luck

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Oct 2, 2023

Check on Fetlife for munches, demos, and Events near to where your moving to.

As things start with socialising and time means they sometimes develop into something more.

Give yourself time to settle into your new area first.

NicNacNat​(sub gender queer) • Oct 3, 2023

Just wanted to say that I hear you. I am working through similar aspects that you mention, but don’t have much concrete advice right now. Wishing you the best!

NoelM​(sub female) • Oct 8, 2023

Thank you all so much for your comments, I went on Fetlife and managed to find a group run by Domme's that i plan on checking out while I am down here

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Oct 20, 2023

That's good to know. I find Fetlife useful and I am pleased my advice helped you.