Chase..?

Chase..?

Daddydes • Oct 14, 2023

Hey, I’m a fairly new Dom and I need some guidance. I have an experienced sub I’m pursuing but we keep finding ourselves at communication road blocks. Do I pursue her or just let the situation evaporate. Never been enamored w/ a sub like this honestly & I don’t want to come off too pushy but I also don’t want her to mistake my lack of pursuit aa disinterest & move on.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 14, 2023

There is no such thing as 'a sub like this'. She's a unique person.

Calm, confident, honest in your approach. You may simply not be suited. She may be shy of someone who is not experienced. Because she may believe you don't understand the emotional and mental sides of this. I've been that woman. Mostly, new folk don't, and it's very hard as a submissive to trust and let go.

But I've also had an amazing dynamic with a man who didn't understand, but was able and willing to learn. We had a rocky start, but then a fabulous relationship.

The simple and only answer is to communicate. You must both share your feelings, listen.

Have a look at the recent chasing thread. Might be some helpful info there about how a submissive might think or feel, and therefore respond.

Daddydes • Oct 14, 2023

“Enamored w/ a sub like this (before)”, speaking abt Myself. Also, note-worthy mention she is a brat.

I know being new to the scene is definitely a hurdle. I don’t want that to get in the way of her perception of my character. I know I’m capable of leading her. I just need more time in. Any good resources or places I can go to get more info on the emotional/mental side of things? I’m willing to do the work. Not just for her, but I want to be at My best as well.

Thank you for the advice though. We’ve definitely been trying to communicate through things but we hit a wall, she breaks down, and runs, blocks me on everything, then will revisit weeks later via a social media/a random call or text. That’s the part I’m really inquiring abt. Is this just bratty behavior? When she does this, is it Dominant behavior to pursue her during this time or let her just come to Me?

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 14, 2023

Cost benefit exercise.

If you believe she is what you seek, that she's special, then it is up to you to make that clear to her. Calmly, steadily.

Only you will know in your head and heart when the investment and consistency you are demonstrating is not being 'met' in the right way.

My gut instruct re blocking and running and returning is 'flaky'. However, I understand her potential fear.

You may also need to accept that she's seeking something specific, and you're not quite it. But contact with you gives her something while she searches on.

Perhaps the 'dominant' thing to do is to always respond when she reaches out, but no more. I don't know though, I'm not dominant.

And if all she has to do is twitch her little finger and you're all over her, that may not be best for either of you?

Hard to know without knowing you.

There will be a gazillion resources here and in fet and elseplace that will guide you re the emotional and mental side of ds. And notable books. Google and search functions are your friends.