Dom Drop

Dom Drop

Sololoquy • Oct 24, 2023

Experiencing dom drop for the first time. Mostly just low mood and a kind of dissonance between what I understand rationally about BDSM sadism, how I feel in the moment, and how sadism is perceived by society and myself ethically.

Any tips would be appreciated. My starting points have been watching videos about sadism and masochism within BDSM to get a better understanding, and writing something supportive from sub side.

I'm going to be writing a lot in my blog to help process stuff, but is there anything else I can be doing for myself?

Miki • Oct 24, 2023

Sadism in a BDSM context, replete with safe words and the know-how of when to stop-- is one thing.

But strictly speaking, in overall societal circles, a sadist is a very sick and dangerous individual who revels in the misery--- or worse-- of others, totally without the desire to please their targets.

Of course in the land of twisted fucks, a "sadist" is one who is a bit more thorough when it comes to the pain aspects for a sub who enjoys that or enjoys the humiliation that comes with it and being put in their place-- They do what they do because their sub or masochist enjoys it and would not cause undue bodily harm and is not interested in frightening their subject.

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Anyway, when I was active, I avoided those who identified as sadists or have a "sadist mode"-- out of an abundance of caution in the event they are actually sadistic to the point of tangling with them is putting myself in peril.

As I have communication disabilities -- a bona-fide sadist could easily get an extra thrill out of doing me great harm.

I passed on that risk, however seemingly slight.


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Blog, hm? I didn't get the title... I might take a look at it although I have only viewed one blog in my entire time in here.

I don't get on well with walls of text, even though I am an avid reader of novels or other written works-- in book form. (as in I don't do Kindle)

Nothing smells as wonderful as a book, especially hardcover tomes from a library. For me, anyway.

Sololoquy • Oct 24, 2023

I'm aware of the difference between sadism within a BDSM context with RACK and sadistic personality disorder. That's why there's dissonance. It would help if there were different terms to help with clarity.

Yes, of course there is overlap and there's a danger that there are people with sadistic personality disorder or similar operating within BDSM and not applying RACK or SSC etc. And yes, I agree that there should be extreme caution.

Your warnings apply to someone who is deciding whether to enter a dynamic with a sadist within BDSM, but that isn't the situation I'm in. I would certainly heed those warnings if I were ever to engage with a sadist within BDSM.

As for my blog, it's walls of text because I have a lot to learn and process and it's really just a journal of my early experiences figuring this all out. No obligation to check it out if it's not your thing.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Oct 24, 2023

Greetings Sololquy. What lead up to your Dom Drop? That will dictate how you would respond to it.

If you achieved this Drop from having enjoyed an intense session with a submissive, risen to great heights together, and are now crashing down, it’s an energy thing and you need to restore your electrolytes and hydrate. You can also sit and meditate to calm your mind and soul.

Some Dominants restore their energy by physically being in the moment with their submissive. Hey - energy is ebbing and flowing between the two, so it makes sense.

But if you didn’t achieve your Dom Drop from elevations due to play or interaction, it’s probably not Dom Drop and might just be in your head. A little more information may help in achieving the right answer.

MCCheer​(sub female) • Oct 24, 2023

Sololoquy - taking your request at face value, you can work on Dom Drop with all the same suggestions people give for sub drop. You need self-care. What are things that make you feel good? I can't speak from a Dom perspective but when/if I enter sub drop, I like a fuzzy, soft blanket to curl up with. I will also journal, make sure I'm not hungry or thirsty, possibly a long, warm/hot shower, a cup of tea. I also like to talk to my Master for two reasons - one so he knows where I am at mentally and two because he can usually help me to feel better. That's my quick two cents while I'm between meetings at work.

Sololoquy • Oct 24, 2023

It wasn't even really a session because it was quite brief. I'm just over two weeks into exploring kink and the first week was more bondage and discipline, the second week started to introduce some sadism under the guise of discipline, and then this week I have started to explore my sadistic side without using punishment as "justification". I use the Obedience app and have introduced an element of impromptu acts that are not geared around punishment. Nothing that is even close to my limits either, nothing that I haven't done before. My sadistic side as dom enjoyed it, my masochistic side as sub enjoyed it. It wasn't anywhere near the kind of intensity I had two weeks ago when I wrote for three hours in bondage either (when I experienced sub drop and muscle fatigue from kneeling a long time).

But for some reason, the fact that it was an act born of sadism rather than punishment, ended up making me feel low a few hours later in the middle of the night. It's solo play so I don't even have to worry about what's going on in someone else's head. I know I chose to do it aware of the risks and I enjoyed it, but then that was true with the session I had sub drop. The low point came later.

It just seems like there is a lot less weighing on me when agreeing to submit to pain or degradation than there is when inflicting it, and the feeling that I'm somehow wrong for engaging in it is unsettling, even though there's literally no harm involved and it was good at the time.

Sololoquy • Oct 24, 2023

Thanks. I like a blanket as well for sub drop and I journal a lot. I'm solo so it helps me sort out both sides externalising it all. It took about four days to get over sub drop the first and last time I had it, and I also watched videos about the experience from BDSM educators and talked to other people who were familiar with kink by way of support. I think the difficulty I'm having is that the root is different. I feel more of a guilt/shame response for engaging in something society views as wrong when not done in a RACK environment, even though I very much applied RACK and it was literally just me, so why would I feel like this when I know I was, am and will be OK with similar acts in the future? It seems to be an emotive response rather than a rational one, so maybe just need to ride it out and treat it the same as sub drop as you say.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Oct 24, 2023

Ah, ok. So not really Dom nor sub drop, so much as drop. Energy. Like a sinusoidal wave, what goes up must come down. The energy also causes emotional duress and you are focusing on BDSM intently. The down drop will cause you to feel unsettled.

As indicated above, warm your body (as MCCheer indicates above - blanket or sweater or sweatshirt), hydrate with water and electrolytes, and have something to eat with proteins. Rest and realize you’re part of the crowd. Focus on something other than BDSM for a bit and if you have a friend you can chat with about this, call them up. If not, watch something that will take your mind away from BDSM. Once you feel back on two feet, you can re-assess your feelings on sadism.

Sololoquy • Oct 24, 2023

Thank you - that's really helpful

NCarraway​(dom male) • Oct 24, 2023

Sololoquy,

As many have said its somewhat difficult to pinpoint the why but I'm not sure, in my opinion, knowing the why will help much.

My own experience is that I experience Dom drop (or whatever you wish to call it) more frequently than my peers (I have ascertained through discussion over time). I experience it now perhaps after 10% of scenes or thereabouts. I have experienced it far more in the past and it is often associated with intense scenes, new things or times when I have let the bad man come out. Having said all that it's still unpredictable for me. Sometimes I think I will for sure drop and I don't, other times I will drop after what i consider to be a very mild scene. My most notable drops occurred when I stretched my ethical and moral values with new activities, for example the first time I experienced humiliation play as a Dom.

Since it is so unpredictable for me I don't waste much time trying to understand exactly why. I consider it to be a physiological event related to brain chemistry and this allows me to rationalise that it's a ride I am on that will level out in a few days.

When dropping I do things that provide me with energy and an alternate focus. I spend time in the garden or sew, that helps me. I make sure I eat and water and I make a point of letting my partners know what is going on.

I have also found that talking about the scene with the relevant partner is useful. More often than not I am craving reassurance that they had a good time and that they still love me. That helps a great deal.

The biggest help though has been the acceptance that this is a thing, it happens to me, is unpredictable and if I want bdsm in my life I should accept the drops that come with it.

Best of luck with yours