How should i start my first meeting with my sub?

How should i start my first meeting with my sub?

mommytreatsyouwell​(switch female) • Dec 3, 2023

I'm kinda new to all of this. I always felt that i don't want to be dominated by a man and only a few years ago i discovered domineering side of mine. I'm still not sure about how far i can go in this, i know I'm not really into extreme things. I like the idea of torturing, humiliating my sub and also care about them in the process and after. It seems i found a good person to try and i guess we will meet in 3 weeks i would like to know some information about first roleplay and what will be good to start with? What do you think about ruined orgasm on the first meeting ?won't it create disappointing affect in mind of sub ?

Thanks for sharing in advance

Miki • Dec 3, 2023

Unless that potential sub is game to jump right in, it's best for a first meeting to get to know the individual on a human level. Where each actually takes the time to learn about the other's personality traits, quirks, whatever outside the scope of a D/s dynamic...

One would want to see if there is chemistry above and beyond the twisted shit. To save that topic for subsequent get-togethers.

Personally I tend to think that anyone quick to jump headlong into the kink at first blush --- could very well be looking for just that and not be long on the scene.

When I was physically active in this, that's how I was. (I un-ticked the "Show Role" on my profile, as showing it might make some think that while I am "Not Looking"-- they could change my mind. Nope. Anyway it's "Masochist Female")----- I am not a Sub, I am a "kinkster", go, play and go away.

Thing was, I made this abundantly clear beforehand to those who would meet me in places (always IRL people I have known or seen about my day-to-day over a period of time) --- the sticky wicket in other situations is there are those out to play and nothing more--- yet are not always forthcoming about it.

So, in a nut-sack, meet the sub, talk about stuff and delay twisted shit til "next time" or very late into the first meeting. However "next time" is important for another reason--- make sure there is one first.

Thanks for sharing useful info!

mommytreatsyouwell​(switch female) • Dec 3, 2023

We've been chatting for 2 month and we discussed all potential problems and "no" in role-plays. He wants to have a role- play one first date but he doesn't what he wants exactly. But I guess your advice is really good , i will start from something down to earth to break the ice

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Dec 3, 2023

While it’s important to understand what the submissive’s limits and fantasies are, it’s the dominant who will determine what will and will not ultimately happen when together, not the sub.

As the dominant in this scenario, YOU will decide if there is role play or not. YOU will decide what will happen. His role is to please you and accept what YOU decide, even if it’s orgasm denial.

Miki • Dec 3, 2023

... but if a dominant decides too much without consideration of limits and shit... the sub's humanity over humility--- out the door with his or her ass.



It is a two way street even in D/s and a dominant without respect is a dominant who plays alone.

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Dec 3, 2023

I agree Miki, that’s why I said it’s important to understand their limits and fantasies. But it’s not the submissive who should be deciding what will happen.

If it’s a top/bottom play scenario, sure. But I am taking the term “submissive” to heart.

As a submissive, I voice my wants and needs to my dominant. But he is the one who decides what I do and do not get.

If I tell him I want to role-play, he’ll listen to that want. But if he decides it’s not happening, it’s not happening. I submit to his decision.

Re: Thanks for sharing useful info!

I'mME • Dec 4, 2023

mommytreatsyouwell,

I will tell you this, You may THINK yall have discussed all that could go wrong, but yall have not.

Humiliation is kink where two people have to know each other very well, and still be mindful about the reactions of sub.

I second Miki on a first meet just being a meet, but people are going 5o do what they want.
We do not know your sub, but negotiation is important, may want to start now if y'all intend on playing.

I'mME • Dec 4, 2023

aPeepingMom,

In top/bottom situations, it's the same as D/s. The bottom can voice what they want but it's the top who decides if and how.

I'mME • Dec 4, 2023

At a first meet, NO. Did OP say that she has asked this person into a dynamic? Even if the answer is yes, that doesn't mean that a sub loses their voice.

That would make them a potential doormat.

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2023

So which is it? These two responses are contradictory.