Blackmailed when compromised...

Blackmailed when compromised...

Steellover​(sub male) • Dec 14, 2023

So, I'm writing this basically to elaborate on a recent blog post, but most of all to explain things rationally as a cautionary tale, "For the good of the order."

This is more in the spirit of "Be Aware of this type of scenario" rather than "Feel sorry for me for making a dumb decision." (Because yes, I do own this decision. Partly my bad. But also, partly...bad girl.)

I was involved with a pro domme who was visiting town, who I had met online. We'd had a couple sessions in the past that went well. Then, last night, while I was, shall we say, "Compromised," she basically wouldn't allow me to be "uncompromised" unless I agreed to purchase for her an expensive gift. Which, lets say, was far more than I spent on any gifts for my family. (This, in addition to the already expensive tribute of course.) Her "Safe word" was, "Yes, Mistress I will buy this for you."

This is the type of thing that can happen with "Pay to Play." Just letting you guys know out there, because, fellas, I know what it's like to want to experience first hand the things you read about in FemDom scenarios, but do not have an actual partner to explore these things with. This is why I sought out a pro. So I could pretend, just for a short while, that there is some real connection even though of course there really isn't. Let's just say that it basically killed the mood for the session- and after this, I'm pretty much done with paying for female companionship of any kind. Now some guys may be into this, and that's fine, I won't judge, but for me It isn't worth it, and it isn't enjoyable if it's gonna be this. In a more extreme scenario, it could have been my car keys and wallet, or an even more expensive gift in the five-six figure range. I guess I can count myself lucky I didn't get taken for more than I did, but guys... just be aware out there and be safe. I thought she and I had a bit of an understanding and a trust, so that was why I put myself in that position. But in the end- with paid pros, money and material things are always what talks.

So guys... Stay safe out there.

Miki • Dec 14, 2023

Yeah, cautionary tale.

There's always the temptation to get the "quick kinky fix" but in nearly all cases, those "pros" are pros all right, at parting a guy from his money (not to mention self respect or dignity)


Subs, and especially sub males really need to avoid that kind of shit completely.

I have yet to read anything from a guy who had an experience that was worth it.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Dec 16, 2023

Funny with ALL my years in the lifestyle I've yet to meet a real submissive who paid ..

SchrodingersDinosaur​(switch female) • Dec 17, 2023

Steellover, I am really sorry that this happened to you, it stinks and it’s hella unfair. And frankly, it shows what a shit business person that particular ProDomme is. There are decent folks that are into the pro side of the Lifestyle, both giving and receiving. I would think that they’d learn in a reasonable amount of time that squeezing a good customer too hard is not going to be a long term beneficial proposition.

Fyglia, obviously as a Dominant female you’ve likely had no scarcity of attention. A male sub turning to pay for play because they haven’t been met the Dominant they click with yet doesn’t make them a faux. Or fuck, there are people that turn to pro’s specifically to avoid being taken advantage of by some rando bitch who is money-grubbing off of a person who just wants to make a connection with someone who will love them the way they would like to be loved. Presumably many believe that a pro will be just that, professional.

I hope that you are able to find the connection you seek, Steellover, but just as we tell the subbie who unfortunately finds themselves having been taken advantage of someone who has claimed to be Dominant but really are just a player, I kinda think the same is true in this situation. If pay for play is an acceptable option for you, don’t assume that all pro’s would do you as dirty as that one did. There are people it works just fine for. Just like prostitution in general. Just because it’s egregious to some doesn’t mean it's an inherently evil practice. It can be a legitimate and reasonable (or dare I say, even empowering?) way to make a good living and it can also provide a safer sexual outlet for those without other option to meet their needs.

*caveat because I can feel the angst and pitchforks welling already… Pay for Play/ FinDom-me isn’t supported here at the Cage, so it is not appropriate to solicit either direction on this platform. Elsewhere tho, isn’t it contextual with not yucking another’s yum?

Much luck, OP. Good on you for being brave enough to share.
~ Henna

Miss Sparkle​(switch female){H} • Dec 18, 2023

Hello Steellover​,

First of all, Im really sorry this happened to you! Sending big hugs your way! XOXO

It`s unfortunate that these type of things happen as they do make good guys get scared of paying for getting what they want. As a starting FemDom who does want to get paid for her services, I hate it when things like this happen, they put a bad word on us...

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but the reality is you can get fucked by a FemDom, a male sub, a regular chick in real life or the guy who fixes your car. I honestly don`t think the problem is paying for play, the problem is making yourself too vulnerable and having some asshole take advantage of it. For example, as a FemDom, one of the things Im scared of is having a guy come to play and me ended up being raped. Its a possibility, a horrible one, but it could happen... The same way something bad happened to you although the damage was monetary and not physical.

I would like to think there are some of us out there who want to get paid cus it takes time and preparation and cus it is honestly so incredibly hot to think someone likes you so much that they will pay for you. Many "regular" woman out there do have this fantasy, as western society has romanticized the idea of prostitution to some extend (like in "Pretty woman", or that Aerosmith video, Crazy... we ALL wanted to be the poll dancing girl! haha). So at least to me, paying for a Dom is not a bad thing. If you want it and can afford it, why not? If someone like me can give the service and honestly takes pleasure from it, why not?

Of course, after your experience, you may be better trying to meet someone who will willingly have a dynamic with you just for the pleasure of it but, just for the record, there are always ways to keep yourself safe. One of the things I like to do, for example, is signing a Non Disclosure Agreement. Once I know I like the Sub and the Sub likes me, before I even send an amazon wish list or say how much I expect to be paid, I like to sign a NDA that will protect both of us. I have no issues showing my real name and last names if the other person is willing to do so too and if we come to the understanding that we BOTH have the power to fuck each other`s lifes and we still feel confident enough as to start playing.
This is something you could do even with a non-paying dynamic, you know?

I would also recommend you make more friends from an online community (maybe here, maybe on Discord?), so that you have someone to confide in, some kind of safety net. I find that people outside of dynamics are faster at recognizing red flags that the people directly involved so, if you had a couple of friends that you can share your experiences with, they could help you on your vetting process moving forward.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to DM me.
Hope you (and your bank account) get better soon.

Mitch (aka. Miss Sparkle)

Mistress Kassandra​(dom female) • Dec 18, 2023

I am not a pro Domme but one introduced me to the lifestyle. I do wonder if their was any indication on your part that you were willing to be coerced in the manner. The pro Dommes that I do know would happily do that if invited to but would not do so otherwise

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 20, 2023

Though you are not looking for it, my heart breaks for you. Not because a criminal stole from you, i'm sorry that happened and that such people exist, but it's an unfortunate reality of life that some lie and steal.

What makes me sad is trying to get a need met through "pretending." Not a judgement, what makes me sad is the extent of desperation that would bring anyone to that place.

Steellover​(sub male) • Jan 2, 2024

I haven't posted in a couple weeks; I've been on vacation and taking a break from just about everything, except family issues, and have thought a little about it.

I'm done pretending as well. At this point I've given up any semblance of pay to play and I'm looking for a mutual fullfilling and meaningful relationship- the real thing. Whether that's a "kinky" one or a vanilla one doesn't matter to me anymore; at this point I am not even picky about that. I'm just looking for someone to spend time with, share intimate moments with, and eventually share my life with.

MissMelisandre​(dom female) • Jan 3, 2024

Wise decision. Keep the faith. There are dommes out there with good hearts. It sounds like your intentions are genuine and pure. That is unique and something to be treasured. I trust a nice, wicked domme will scoop you up soon.

insubordinate​(sub male) • Jan 3, 2024

Heart breaking thread. But unfortunately, it accords with my experience. Been looking for a 'nice wicked domme' as MissMelisandre has stated but the only ones that reply to posts, personal ads etc are FinDommes who string you along until the point of 'pay up buddy'. It is hard to not become disillusioned. I can totally relate to Steellover turning to a ProDomme to just find some satisfaction. Unfortunately the Stones got it right - "Can't get no ...can't get no...can't get no ...satisfaction..." Well Steellover, if there is misery in company, you ain't alone...