Share Your Aftercare Tips and Advice

Share Your Aftercare Tips and Advice

lambsone • Jan 1, 2024

Would anyone care to share what they do for aftercare? If bruising occurs, do you have a favorite cream you like to use?, etc. If mentally exhausted, what do you do to refresh mentally? Do you do aftercare for each other? Please share what the aftercare pertains to.

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 1, 2024

For myself, aftercare can be as varied as a scene can be. Many factors go into the, as I usually call it, the end of the scene. I try as best I can to negotiate it in. However I often find that my bottom's usually don't know what they need where aftercare is concerned. When used in a LTR after care can grow and evolve to be better than in a casual scene partnership. I do have a sort of personal guide I adhere to depending on the scene and who I played with.

Casual Play with someone for our first time I will at a minimum make sure she is hydrated with something she wants, has a soft cuddly blanket and any more attention she is comfy with. Typically finding a quiet darkened corner of the facility and cuddle while making light talk about the scene or affirming her performance.

There are times I scene with Someone Else's Sub - in those cases I leave the aftercare to the couple and only assist where they want or need me.

With someone I scene with often and the two or more of us are fluent in each others limits, preferences, personalities, and finer nuances, aftercare is just known as the end of the scene. . . . .or an interlude to the next scene. . . . . . .or perhaps just becomes bedtime.

Here, again starting with any hydration and first aide needs, the bulk of the rest is usually good old fashioned cuddle fucking and lovemaking vanilla type spooning and giggling tomfoolery that slowly morphs back into some rough or painful activities with a lot of mindfuck whispering.

Or. . . . . .

lambsone • Jan 2, 2024

Thank you for sharing your experiences Cognizant. That was great.

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 2, 2024

I should emphasis the importance of aftercare better than in my original post.

There is a phenomena that can be very traumatic and difficult for BDSM players after a play session. It is known as "Sub Drop" and can also affect Doms, Switches or anyone playing. If not dealt with promptly, this drop can lead to further depression, fatigue and emotional upheaval for several days after the end of the scene.

I personally have had Dom Drop after particularly intense scenes, usually involving heavy pain or humiliation. . . when my bottom is someone I love and adore. Seems there is a psychological disconnect between feeling affection and love for someone, then physically bruising their body while also scoldiing, shaming, insulting and demeaning them to be less than human. So, after these heavy scenes with my lover, my partner, my equal in life I feel a type of guilt for pushing her body and mind to a point where she is a broken blathering mess of inflamed red welts, throbbing nerves, wild mixed emotions and physical exhaustion. I need to lay in her arms as much as she needs me to hold her.
OK, I just tore her down, broke her and most likely forced her body to cum several times more than she thought she could, now we need to reassure each other that this is what we do with our love for each other, these are what we need, this is for the pleasure of both of us. Those thoughts are easy during pre-scene negotiating or set up, but when you see the woman you deeply love, the woman you adore more than life, the person, the human you share life with suddenly bawling, her face contorted, straining to release the pain she is in, shaking uncontrollably and obviously in great pain - well, it does a number on my brain too.

By and large the fluff and stuff that makes up my aftercare is just to gently lay with my partner caressing some pain away, rubbing some salve into some bruises while holding her close and whispering how wonderful she is, how great she did in the scene, how proud I am because of her desire to push her limits for me and that sort of talk. It is as much for me as it is for her.

To sum it up - the deeper the connection between myself and my scene partner - usually is an indicator of the intensity of the scene. I can get far more involved with someone I know and play with often.

This drop doesn't happen every time we scene, nor does it always have the same symptoms. Basic aftercare should include taking care of the physical needs of hydration, blood sugar levels and any salving or icing of bruises. She should be given the option of cuddling up in a warm fuzzy blanket in a quiet dimly lit area, with or without other cuddlers. . .a calm open discussion of the scene usually alieviates any psychological needs. . .

lambsone • Jan 2, 2024

Thank you for the additional information.

lambsone • Jan 5, 2024

I was doing some reading around the internet and found a submissive's blog who mentioned Arnica or creams that have Arnica in them. She noted that it shortens the healing time for bruises or cuts. Anyone ever use that?

silentnotes​(sub female){Looking } • Jan 8, 2024

I'm a clumsy person so I have used arnica in general to help with bruises and I can confirm it helps greatly.

Something I personally really like is soft music and reassurance, talking about what happened. Other than that something to drink, a fluffy blanket and cuddles do it for me

lambsone • Jan 9, 2024

Thanks for sharing silentnotes.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} • Jan 9, 2024

I get very cold after subspace, so I either curl up in bed with a heating pad or take a hot bath. I also listen to music.

Sometimes when I’m having trouble coming back to center (drop) I have to do somatic release exercises. I strongly recommend that anyone in BDSM looks into vagus nerve release exercises (also called somatic healing, somatic yoga and so on). Part of the reason we get drop in the first place is because our body is stuck in fight or flight mode. The vagus nerve release resets that.

lambsone • Jan 9, 2024

Very cool (no pun intended) Sweetlydepraved. Thank you.