Is mutual attraction necessary for you during CNC play? (thoughts on "forced" bisexuality

Is mutual attraction necessary for you during CNC play? (tho

Squeedoodle​(sub trans woman){Taken} • Apr 8, 2024

So I'm a lesbian, mostly. There have been the occasional exceptions, but for the most part, even if I can recognize that a man is attractive, I'm usually not attracted TO him, whether that be sexually, aesthetically, or romantically.

That being said, what excites me during play/a scene is being controlled and under someone's power, regardless of whether I feel attraction to the person weilding it, so I have occasionally played with men who know how to bring that good sadistic and dominant energy to the scene. Plus I like humiliation, and it can be really fun when someone knows I'm not *attracted* to them, but they don't care, because I'm just a hole for them to stick their dick in. After all, why would they care about what a hole thinks, right? Good objectification feels there.

So I guess what I'm wondering is this:

Subs, do you need to be sexually attracted to the person domming you to enjoy it, to get those good subby feelings out of it? Does it make a difference if you're ordered to do it by someone you DO find attractive?

And doms, do you need the person serving you to be sexually attracted to you to enjoy the attention? Would it feel unflattering/bad if they were only enjoying it because you were "forcing" them to do it, despite them being ambivalent about their attraction to you specifically?

Squeedoodle​(sub trans woman){Taken} • Apr 8, 2024

I mostly ask cause I've talked to some guys who are interested in playing with me, but lose interest after I inform them I'm also interested, but not attracted to them. That's totally a valid preference, I'm just curious how common a preference that is, as someone who very much has enjoyed playing with people I'm not attracted to, as long as they can bring the right energy.

Tbh I find attraction a kind of arbitary standard, because there are plenty of people I AM attracted to whom I wouldn't enjoy playing with, on account of them being painfully vanilla.

Steellover​(sub male) • Apr 8, 2024

Yes, I would say (as a sub male) that my being attracted to my domme is a prerequisite for this kind of play.

Squeedoodle​(sub trans woman){Taken} • Apr 8, 2024

So in the context of this topic, that being "forced bisexuality" play, I'm curious how that works for you. Do you mean you would only play with men you found attractive, and the "forced bisexuality" aspect would be pretending you didn't find them attractive, or do you mean that you are straight, and because it would be a prerequisite for this kind of play for you, that you would not engage with this kind of play in the first place?

ZorPrime • Apr 9, 2024

AS someone who is exploring the D/S world again,

I need to be in a relationship with the sexual, emotional etc. to really enjoy all the benefits.

I have tried it without being in a relationship with a FWB type thing and it felt like there was no connection to the person, I was attracted to her, but without that commitment of being with one person was not for filling and it felt more like a transaction (I know that sounds hard and rude).

When we do the aftercare with my new partner it adds to our relationship with the bonding and connection.

If that makes sense?

It is an amazing experience now with the right person.

Miki • Apr 9, 2024

Some need the physical attraction to have the "best results" but it isn't required. I have never been "attracted "to toys to tell the truth.

In the end, for the most part it's an individual preference. Best I can come up with is "Not a prerequisite for many but it helps."

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Apr 9, 2024

Many of, if not most of, the male subs that I've engaged in forced-bi play with over the years have ALWAYS demanded that "the guy MUST be hot"; otherwise, it's "gross."

Which tickles me pink!

Now, some are LOOKING for the guy to be gross because their motivations for forced-bi play are very different (humiliation, degradation). I think those who want to have a good time without having to take agency for it want the partner to be hot just like anyone else would (these might be people exploring their bisexuality or even coming out but not ready to and are seeking permission, all of which are valid.)

Others want to engage in some good old-fashioned twisted compersion and perform for mommy/daddy and be a good little slut and fuck whoever they're told to! It's all great. I find this more the case with women (cis and trans, but some sissy males, too!)

When it comes to people being attracted to ME in that kind of scene, that's a tricky thing. Motivations for BDSM and kink activities run the gamut. People all have their own motivations, and I'm an older asexual woman in a thick body, haha. I know how this all works. Someone might be engaging in that activity with me because I'm positively GROTESQUE to them (a portal into the future!) or they're secretly objectifying me in some way that they wouldn't dare to say to my face because they know I'll roast them like a fucking marshmallow for it. I usually do suss it out by the end, what fun!

Each Domme or Dom has their own requirements, but sexual attraction isn't one of mine. Obedience, entertainment, and a base level of sanity are though!

Squeedoodle​(sub trans woman){Taken} • Apr 9, 2024

I think this pretty well describes the angle I tend to come at this from. Sex as a form of service, whether it be to the one I serve or someone else they decide, brings me joy, because I know I'm making them happy and doing a good job.

To be honest I've at times wondered if I might be asexual myself as I don't seem to experience sexual attraction in quite the same way a lot of other people describe. But I'm not really sure and don't want to take away space from people who are more confident that they are definitely ace. Gray-asexual or demi are decent enough terms most of the time, when they're relevant.

Squeedoodle​(sub trans woman){Taken} • Apr 9, 2024

Thanks for the thorough and thoughtful replies, folks! ^_^

lambsone • Apr 9, 2024

I have to be attracted to the person I submit to or play with, otherwise I have no sense of purpose in the activity. And for me, going a bit farther. I would have to be married to them as well for the same reason. I wouldn't be able to feel a connection. All I would feel would be hollow.