*WELCOME to THE CAGE!* Introduce Yourself Here

Villanelle​(staff) • Mar 3, 2020

Bump! If you've not yet introduced yourself here, please do say hello and tell us a bit about yourself

RhiannonT​(sub trans woman) • Mar 4, 2020

Hi everyone!

I'm 'Rhiannon'. I'm a sub CD from Melbourne, Australia. I've been dressing for a long time and actively involved in BDSM for the last 5-6 years. As my profile says, BDSM is is an escape and an outlet from the 'real world'. It's somewhere where I can switch off from the stresses of day-to-day life and show off another side of me (I mean, what better way to forget about work than being tied up!!). I'm hoping to make some more friends and connections here, and I'm more than happy to share my experiences.

Rhi xx

Villanelle​(staff) • Mar 5, 2020

Welcome RhiannonT! Thanks for taking the time to say hello

RhiannonT​(sub trans woman) • Mar 5, 2020

Thanks for having me!

JamJam • Mar 5, 2020

Hello Members,

Very new to this site but hopeful it will connect me with a fantastic world of people finally allowing themselves to live out their fantasies, their desires, act on their internal instincts, and overall just have a lot of fun. To me, the lifestyle is a form of therapy that cannot be replicated. One that opens up the true self and reveals the inner personality that so often lives in the shadows of public view.

I'm looking forward to meeting some members in my community. Sharing. Playing. And, most importantly, supporting each other as we journey together in a safe, friendly, and super exciting environment.

Best of luck to you all. If you are near me and would like to connect, please feel to reach out.

Jeff

Hellkitty​(sub gender fluid) • Mar 5, 2020

Hey!! I'm Hellkitty
Im a sub and I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for the past 8 years now
I hope to make some friends here and lets have some fun

HisAngel • Mar 6, 2020

Hi! I am here strictly to do research and get advice from those who have been apart of the lifestyle for a while. My interest in BDSM started 8 or 9 years ago and at that time I had joined a community similar to this one. I learned a lot (not nearly enough I'm sure lol) and at that time after a while I took part of an online D/s relationship with a Dom. It was very helpful in helping me grow and learn what I want but eventually we came to a point where we realized long term we wanted different things. I still appreciate everything he did to help me at the time.

I drifted away from it putting myself on the back burner due to some personal things that arose including my dad's death. I wasn't really in a position to give much of anything to anyone and 6 years later I am just starting to heal from losing an important person in my life.

Fast forward to now. I am engaged to an amazing man who loves me for me. Who has been the most supportive person I know. I finally a year and a half into being with him found the courage to bring up what I wanted and needed. This was a month or so ago and he's been really supportive of it. We have a good in-depth talk about everything yesterday. Spefic desires, safe words, etc. He's very new to this so I am here for us both to learn more.

I know there's a chance this may not be for him but he seems to really want to try. I made sure to reiterate that I don't want him to feel obligated to just because it's what I want and he insisted that wasn't the case that he was interested in learning and trying. Like I said most supportive man I know. If it ends up not being for him I will understand and be supportive. I love him and if it means being vanilla while throwing in a few less intense kinky things every so often id do that to. I want him to be happy as he's always made me.


Any advice is welcome. What's not welcome is messages trying to make me your sub when I specially state in my profile im not looking. I may be submissive but doesn't mean I put up with that.

All in all so far this has been a great experience. I've had a couple of individuals offer some great advice for both of us.

Lady Anubis​(sub female) • Mar 7, 2020

Hiya, Lady Anubis here.

I'm awkward, shy, intervorted, and as such don't have to many real life friends. Here to gain some like mind friendships along with learning more about BDSM and myself. I am a sub, more of what I have found out about myself is on my profile.

Right now, looking for friendship as I said. Someone in my area to hang out with and maybe see wherr it goes. Really, just want to get out of my shell. New to the life, but when being dominated my fears, stress, anxiety just goes away. It's a new feeling for me because of what I've been through in my life.

Me saying hi. Holding forth. Boring you

Martin53 • Mar 7, 2020

So, this is long, and I’m sorry about that, but I wanted to just get all of this stuff said. I am looking for a BDSM chat space that is really a chat space where I can meet and talk to people. Not A) a BDSM dating site where there are 14 women and 3,674 men, all of whom send dick pics and say “kneel before your Master!” in the first or second sentence of their post. a chat site in which the last post was 1/13/2017 C) a chat space where people are always tying to pick up people D) a chat space frequented by trolls, catfishers and amateur photo retouchers.
I want to make friends. I want a space with consistent people that are online 2 or 3 times a week so I have a chance get to know them, and they me; where I know people and can come into the chat room and say “hi folks” and people say “hi” back and then I can sit back and listen to active people chat until I feel up to posting.
I want a chat space where people are familiar, if not currently active in r/l, with BDSM, SSC, R.I.S.K. or P.R.I.C.K. and have spent some time over a knee or warming up someone over their own. People familiar at least conversationally, with D/s M/s domestic discipline or other life style variations and able to speak intelligently about the fun, sexy, crazy world of BDSM.
As you can probably tell, I have some pretty unsatisfactory experiences with BDSM social sites, since the days of the IRC chat boards in the 90’s and early 2000’s. I believe strongly that I need this experience in my life and I refuse to accept that the online BDSM community has been completely co-opted by porn, pay-to-play and internet scammers.
I’ve been aware of my kink since I was about 14. I ran accross the fuckbooks owned by my best friend’s dad. Most of them were fairly hardcore books, jewish teens tortured by the Gestapo, young girls captured by police in a bannana republic and tortured, etc. But every now and again he had a book that was pretty staightforward BDSM stuff. I could tell by the changes in my mind and body that I connected with this material on a far newer and higher level than with anything before. As I became more connected with my sexuality (I lost my virginity about 3 months later and had a thing with a first cousin that summer), I began to understand more about the thoughts, dreams and impulses that I had had prior to that time.
I believe that the first expression of my kink was in a recurring dream that I had when I was 5/6. In it I had caused a pretty girl in my 1st grade class to be spanked and then watched as her dress was hiked, her knickers lowered and she was turned over the teacher’s knee and spanked pink. There were other dreams/thoughts/impulses over the next years with me as spanker or voyeur. I think I had just let things slide into the general ooze of my dawning adolecence, only to be resurrected when I connected with my friend’s dad’s porn.
I believe that my BDSM nature is as much part of my essential being as my sexuality. That is: I see my kink as a sexual orientation, not a sexual preference. BDSM affects me in ways that more general (vanilla, for lack of a better term) sexual activities and interests do not and I can not be other than I am.
I had my first r/l BDSM relationship at 17, with a young woman whose submission, it turned out, was so wrapped in her depression and poor self esteem that I could not be sure of exactly what she was consenting to and did not want to do further damage in allowing her to use BDSM play in conjunction with a true sense of herself as worthless.
While it may seem that the decision above showed a good deal of maturity and clarity of thinking, let me assure you that it was an anomaly as demonstrated by the fact that I then got married (to a different woman) at the age of 19 to a 17 year old girl. It was the essence of stupidity and ended 5 years later’
After that I played with different people over the years, mostly just scenes including bondage and impact play, some fairly intense, including with my 2nd wife who played up to the point when we had a child and it became clear that while she liked to bottom, she was not submissive, and got nothing from that kind of relationship. Our play dwindled to arguments (“that’s all you want to do (guilty), can’t we just have ‘normal’ sex”) Until the very end, near the divorce, she could not see that for me BDSM was normal sex. Once she did it was just another nail in the coffin.
The last relationship (the current one), a woman I love deeply, started with some mild play. But she could never get out of her head enough to stop correlating it with punishment by a parent.
After that I began to feel as if the full expression of who I am could never truly happen. This was in the late 80”s and early 90”s and there were not, or I was unaware of places like FetLife. IRC was active and I lurked in those rooms for a while, even had a cyber subbie for a while. And while it was exciting on an intellectual level, it was not sufficiently alluring to risk the marriage if eventually discovered.
To be sure, - I lived in the burbs of Philadelphia - there was an active community near in South Street area, but I was tired of lurking, being unable to truly connect given that I had a child and a full time job and a part time job and school and ... well, you get it.
So, I let that aspect of my sexuality atrophy and in the end I let any sexuality atrophy save my abiding love of women and the subsequent hobby of collecting pics (nude, clothed, sports, office, I just deeply love women, all shapes and sizes ).
I did play with some Prodommes over the years, but generally as a way to really get the submissive perspective and to get any play at all, given the sparsity of Pro subs. Eventually my inner Dom had enough of that and for 10 years now there has been no activity at all. Indeed, things have deteriorated in our relationship to the point that I have not had any sexual experiences at all - not even self abuse - in six years
The trigger to my change in perspective was the unexpected death of my best friend at the age of 57. It hit me hard. Very hard and I cannot say I am yet fully recovered. But one change his death wrought was my realization that I could not spend the 20 years or so I may have left (absent city buses, drunk drivers or heart attacks) with what is, I feel, the most essential aspect of who I am crushed under the weight of judgement, misunderstanding and disapproval. I cannot. I will not.
My wife is not aware of my reaching out, but I will tell her if my kink finds a comfortable avenue for expression and when I am able to deal with the repercussions of informing her.
I am far and away more comfortable in the company of women than men. In addition to my new desire to empower my true sexuality, I also have begun to identify as a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. It is too complex to go into here, but the point is that I prefer the company of women but not from the perspective of hitting on or seducing them. And there are other things, sexual aspects that I am not going into. This social/sexual ambivalence is why I indicated that my gender identity was evolving. I am not trans, it is more complicated than any label can cover.
If I ever find a comfortable place and way to be my entire self things may change. Just at this point understand that if you’re a woman and we begin to chat I will not being sending you pictures of my dick and demanding that you “kneel down for your master!” I quess I should reference male subs (whom I would love to have as friends - my joy in women is not exclusive of others) Of course, I hope many (if any) contacts will be fellow Dom/mes.
Okay, that’s me: vain, pedantic and self absorbed. But here nonetheless and hoping to once again be among those look at life through the black leather lenses of BDSM.

Miki • Mar 7, 2020

Hey Martin! A bit windy but I hear ya! Welcome to this place!

Yes it should be what you said in the beginning I had to skim, I'm on a time table-- War and Peace is shorter!!



Anyway love the sense of humor. I can tell you i relate! My Inbox exploding with digital dicks and "Kneel before your master!" I'll do that-- before a real world dick.

But again welcome and be patient. The Meat market is in the personals section. Out here "should" be normal folks to chat with and discuss our proclivities, among other things.

I'm a "charter" member and still there are those who I have to remind that I am absolutely not in the Personals section for a reason.
Have fun!

Miki