Help????

Help????

Waffles​(sub female) • Jul 26, 2024

Okay, so I am going to be in a long distance relationship with my partner who is learning to how be a dom (if that makes sense). I have found that listening to spicy audio helps with me time *wink wink*. However, I don't know how to even approach him about it. I would in theory like to have an audio recording of him walking through how to take care of myself. He's still learning about what to say that I like so sometimes he says things that don't do it for me. Does anyone have any idea on how I can 1) teach him how to walk me through taking care of myself that is perfect for me and 2) encourage him being comfortable enough to record his own voice for later uses?? All ideas would be appreciated! Thank you!

Miki​(masochist female) • Jul 26, 2024

First, there certainly is a "learning curve "to either side of the BDSM aisle.

That having been said, it's learning he'll have to undertaking himself and taking on a sub when one is just figuring out being a dom-,

-- and a long distance one at that...

I wish I had better advice except to take it slow and let him figure these things out himself.

Stay in touch stay close but be patient and ready for inevitable mistakes along the way.

Good Luck

lambsone • Jul 26, 2024

No one can read another person's mind so you will have to tell him what you need and how you need it done. Maybe give him some examples so he has some clue to build on. A Dom can only anticipate your needs when he has been around you for a good length of time in observing you, listening to you, asking you questions to clarify what you mean and if you like something or not. etc.

Put the shoe on the other foot and try to figure his needs out when he hasn't communicated them in detail. Then there is a time of learning when you're finally together and experiencing things at the same time. You'll need to communicate with each other about what you thought and felt during the interaction.

There's a lot of work ahead of both of you in building your dynamic. It won't happen overnight, it will happen over the long haul. Lots of communication needs to take place till you get to a reasonable point of knowing automatically how to fulfill each other's needs without asking them.

But even so, you will always have to communicate in your dynamic. People change as you age and so to keep things fresh and meaningful, learn to ask each other good questions and always review your shared experiences. You can try things out on them, but never assume you know what you think they need. Always review and don't do a guilt trip on either side if you didn't fulfill their need. Take it as a learning curve to achieving a better relationship.

And both of you keep in mind to always be grateful that you have someone to love. This will help you through any tough spots or doubts that might arise while you learn about each other.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 26, 2024

Start with basic audio chat messenges

UpFromTheAshes​(switch gender queer) • Jul 26, 2024

Personally, I really like being given scripts, when someone has something specific on mind that they want me to say. You might offer to write up some example scripts that he can try out, or modify to his own personal tastes and then try that. Perhaps you can start with shorter audio clips.

My best advice is to try things and see what ends up working best for both of you.

Re: Help????

CruelPuppetMaster​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2024

To teach him how to walk you through, you have to teach him about yourself: that should be easy, since he should be actively trying to learn about and understand you. Trade fantasies, either in talk or written down: that will help both of you learn what the other likes. Tell him you would like him to watch you on a video call, then while you do your me time, fantasize aloud about him: what you imagine he's doing to you, what you imagine he's saying to you. Talk about a kink book or movie you both know, what you liked and didn't like.

If you ask my SexPuppet what rule number one is she will tell you, "Know your Master." That goes both ways, of course: he has to get to know you.

I have had more than one long distance relationship and love interactive video play. Sometimes I will have her put herself into bondage and alternate hot and cold glass dildos until she is begging. We have several different role plays. Sometimes I'm a mentor instructing a young girl. Sometimes I'm a blackmailer, coercing her into putting on a sex show for me. And sometimes I have her put herself into very painful predicament bondage and I have me time while I sit back and relish her suffering. LD may not be the real thing, but it can certainly be lots of fun.

You should also encourage him to read and participate in forums and discussions on sites like this, to learn more about D/s.

CPM

SirDomCE​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2024

There is definitely a learning curve in the beginning of any D/s relationship. No matter the dynamic and experience level each individual must go through the discovery and exploration phrases. Communication and honesty are key to have things take off and then to keep things going. Find out what your Dom is open to and communicate your wants and needs in a manner that fits your dynamic. Best of luck to you.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2024

Well, you got a lot of advice here. Only thing I would add that could help is there are audio recordings of the type you want him to produce on pornhub. You could find one that you like and have him listen to it as a model for how you want to be talked to. I take it you want him to direct you to orgasm? Or do you just want to hear an erotic narrative of what you want him to do to you? Another idea I just had, is finding an erotic story that turns you on (Literotica has thousands) and have him read it to you. I've done that a lot with subs I've been with. Fun times Good Luck!

blue haze​(sub female) • Aug 1, 2024

I was just about to suggest the Literotica site as well. They also have audios that you can give him links to as examples.