Using people’s given name

Using people’s given name

TwinkleEyes​{n/a} • Dec 14, 2024

I recently have had an experience where another member is using my given name without consent when contacting other kinksters. Now I have other kinkster whom I didn’t give this name to using my name when addressing me.

This doesn’t make me feel safe. It goes against basic BDSM principals to me. It’s beyond disrespectful. I don’t know what to do about it.

Sir Don​(dom male) • Dec 14, 2024

So my opinion is that those in this lifestyle that have very little respect for fellow kinster are only out for personal gain. What has happened to being respect of our fellow kinksters? This is a move of an a wannabe.

Max Heathen​(kinky male) • Dec 14, 2024

it's also against Cage rules, report the users and attach the screenshot.

However, there's no way to verify that it's your real name unless you confirm it with response. I suggest anybody that speaks with you using any name other than your handle, do not respond. Thus there is no confirmation, leaving doubt to the user of whether the information they are using is legit.

TwinkleEyes​{n/a} • Dec 14, 2024

I did report it. I got a screenshot from one of the individuals it was sent to. Now that screenshot has been sent to a group offsite. This other user doesn’t have my consent to share my name either.

So I will see how staff handles it.

TwinkleEyes​{n/a} • Dec 14, 2024

The fact that this individual is contacting others about me using my name after I blocked them feels like stalking.

Cello Trance​{for You} • Dec 15, 2024

Oh man. This is beyond awful. I don't know what else you can do besides report it. Oh my God. I wish I knew enough about technology to to know how to help more but I don't.
What an awful thing.. Just know that there is also a lot of good people on this website. A lot. Blessings and peace your way.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Dec 15, 2024

Among younger ones, in my locale, at munches they all use each others names, I don't, I use a scene name and that was what I was taught back in the day when I got involved, I know people from back then I do not know their name, or anything about their vanilla life, nor do they mine. That was what was taught back then, for all the reasons its wise not to put your details about. Frankly if I don't get a scene name, I won't know who they are.

I know my younger peers don't get it, they are so out and proud, and face pics everywhere etc, some older folks too, and I won't judge them, but regarding myself I do not share my first name (never mind actual location and other details, in person or online) except on very rare occasions with people with whom an extraordinary level of trust has been established, and people I get involved with, and a strong deep trust has been established.

Its a matter of consent and discretion and sharing first names without explicit consent is a violation of those peoples consent, and is outing them. With people I know are sensible, and sorted I will presume they have consent, or the person isn't private, but those I don't know and they start bandying first names around I will get very nervous, uncomfortable and I may ask if consent has been given - if it hasn't then any chance I might trust that person will die, and I will brand them as untrustworthy, and I will either hold them at arms length, or close things down.

I am sorry TwinkleEyes you have experienced this, whomever did this isn't worthy of any trust, period.

Miki • Dec 15, 2024

When I signed up here I was in "Facebook" mode and thus my screen name is my name, and for me that's not a thing since except by accident, I'll never meet or even live near anyone on here, save for one but he's cool--- but that's just me. Anyone here or elsewhere for that matter should only be addressed by the screen name provided, even if they know the person privately.

That's either someone who is clueless in regards to site rules and general Online propriety of it's some dirt-bag with no respect out to make trouble.

Yeah see what the staff does about it, but at this juncture, unfortunately, the cat is out of the bag and as we know the Net.. Once something's out there, it will be out there until Hell freezes over.

One positive, I guess (Not to minimize the weight of this violation) ... if it's only your given name out there and not your full name, well, a first name doesn't get people too far when it comes to identity shenanigans.

But if that individual goes out there and says: (I'll use a generic massively out-of-date name that can't possibly be yours) "Hey! TwinkleEyes' real name is Hortense!"--- that's another bag of snakes entirely.

Anyway I know it is not a laughing matter and I am sorry to "hear" that this happened.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Dec 15, 2024

I understand your discomfort. I would just say that, sometimes, people use this as a way of showing closeness and connection, in a careless and casual way. That high school mentality. I do not know if this is what occurred. The problem is, once one person uses your real name, others will latch onto it, and assume I think that its okay, that there is familiarity. I'm not saying it's right. I just think that is how people work. And I do not believe it is malicious in any way. It is the first person who discloses who is in the wrong.

I am very careful not to share people's names unless I know they are 'out' and comfortable. Or when I trust the person concerned (eg I'm in a newish dynamic, and that man knows the name of my significant others, immediate real life family, and former partners. But I fully trust him. And that is rare....)

Softnote​(masochist female) • Dec 15, 2024

They did not have your consent, you need to report to those other places. Be careful when you share anything on the internet never put your hometown share something where you traveled but don't put location know of their business.  I know some places want your real name but not public but use one that has a nickname with last name close to it. If you only share some things with people off other places I would look in your settings and put friends and family only.  People you may not know don't tell them what platforms you are on.  Only share very little don't put the town you are in but Two towns over or the major big city or put the state by it.  Now for pictures you can use some filters but still looks like you but changing much use airbrush app some the new AI will still make look like you but change the background give fit of so still you but looks different think until someone really earns your respect that all they are going to get.   Don't need to show your whole face, a smile is fine or some sunglasses on with an outfit if you feel this is better. I know that some people expect photos but only share some that are year old ones that you are not sharing anywhere else but at least it is recent.  Think of a few things you can change in a photo: the hair color, the lighting, one way to make it diffren't so not going to match it up, know one's business until you grow a mutual trust and exchange energy.   Canvas you also put art photos. Put your photo sorta of melting into the photo like a mirror. Photo wonder is also a good one as well.  But some complain that if someone does have photo's well you should be able to protect yourself if someone gets mad, that is, too bad respect is earned or the gate is closed.  The new AI brings out your real features but will also change your clothes and hair and eyes to protect yourself.  They have nice themes.But it's good to be honest when the time is right. Use a language that use with people who you trust as like sims people do or use a translator. Start putting your photo prints with water color marks in them or some symbol at bottom.