How to help spinning sub

How to help spinning sub

The Number one Sir​(dom male) • Jan 10, 2025

Hey all, thanks for reading my post.

I'm in a fairly new relationship and I'm discovering more of my subs issues, a big one is sleep. Of course my nature urge is to use my influence to help her, but in this case I'm a little unsure hence the post.

It seems to be more than the usual just staying up late etc. She has real insomnia issues, she says her mind goes too fast with thoughts spinning, leading to lots of "what if this bad thing happens?" Or "what if this thing doesn't happen" giving her anxiety.

She has a therapist who she sees once a week and I'm being careful to draw a line and not overstep my boundaries.

Any ideas on how to help her mind relax more and perhaps improve her sleep patterns? It's so fundamental to mind and body I feel it's the number 1 thing I want to work on with her right now.

Appreciate your time

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Jan 10, 2025

Teach her some guided relaxation, body scan, progressive relaxation, visualization, and meditation/focus techniques. I have been teaching these to my kids for years and use them on myself. What she's experiencing isn't a sub issue or anything that needs therapy. It's something the vast majority of people struggle with. She just needs a few tools to manage it.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Jan 10, 2025

I just remembered. Another technique you can have her do is focus intently on what she imagines is the absolute worst case scenario if whatever it is actually happens. Then have her walk through the steps she would take to deal with it. It goes a long way toward relieving anxiety and helping her realize that she has the internal resources to face whatever actually happens, even if it turns out to be something unpleasant. Fearing the unknown is much more anxiety-inducing than the actual event, so she needs to combat that with rational facts and a clear plan of action, even if it's hypothetical.

EnigmaticFire​(sub female) • Jan 10, 2025

Sleep is a pretty complex issue. I have found the recommendations from Andrew Huberman to be the most helpful in my journey to a healthier relationship with sleep.

He provides a detailed, yet easy process to follow. I found that this had a significant impact on my sleep in about two weeks of *just* going outside for 15 minutes right after I woke up.

You can read more about his process here:
https://www.hubermanlab.com/newsletter/toolkit-for-sleep

Or google: Huberman Toolkit for Sleep

vv V vv​(sadist male) • Jan 10, 2025

Wear her out each night.

DigitalLupine​(sub male) • Jan 10, 2025

First off wonderful job of not trying to do a Therapist if you're not trained.

Secondly please take what I say from personal experience and know that She's unique and what works for me may not for her (the base or root problem may differ).

But when I had sleep terrors or inability the scent of someone that matters along with gentle asmr helped soo much.

So like the shirt that you wore during the day or even better a sweater that you've worn a while combined with a gentle recording of your voice guiding them thru progressive body relaxation, praising or some combo of both.

MountaintopMaster • Jan 10, 2025

Breath work was something I thought was a new-age hippie joke, and then I tried it. A simple box breathing exercise, for just 60 seconds, can help really help to regulate the mind. It forces your mind to focus on just those who things; breathing, and counting to four lol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G25IR0c-Hj8

Another thing is general meditation, and I found that the "Silva Method" has a great routine for both morning and evening.

One of my favorite things to do is to either count down this way:

3, 3, 3, 2, 2, 2, 1, 1, 1

...or just count all the way down from 100 to 1.

I don't know why, but my whole life, I had a similar problem of my mind racing and trying to think of a thousand things all at once, and so I could never count UP any higher than 10 or 20 before my mind just wandered and the numbers vanished from my brain. However, counting DOWN from 100 was actually significantly easier, and now I can do it perfectly without wavering at all.

Anyways, good luck!

DigitalLupine​(sub male) • Jan 10, 2025

Ohh also there are sleep stories. Starship - 28 is one of my favourites! It's on Bettersleep along with YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d--1Cyi0eI Ara's the guide and it's extremely relaxing. There's also sleep sound and mixes that can provide a more mixed and realistic environment to drown out urban, suburban or external noises.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 11, 2025

Insomnia due to a racing mind is an issue for a lot of people, whether they're into BDSM dynamics or not.

As you (OP) don't want to cross any lines in the sand by playing the Sandman (personally I never trusted that little fuck to begin with) Anyway, I would suggest she continue with the sleep therapist until and unless it doesn't help. Then other professionals ought be consulted, but that's all up to you two, not me, of course.

--- then again there's always the option to set up a TV in le boudoir and lock it on the fucking Hallmark Channel--- that always seems to add weight to the ol' eyelids---- But all yucks aside, some find relief in in herbal remedies such as certain teas such as chamomile, lavender and valerian root teas which "may" offer conditions more conducive to slumber but note the operative word "may". I excerpted that from an article on sleep-helping treatments.

I went through that Insomnia shit when I was in my early 20s but what worked for me may not work on everyone-- (and besides I work the graveyard shift anyway, so there's that.-- I just want to say "She's not alone".

Kelpi • Jan 11, 2025

Give her things to do and keep her mind on something other than her thoughts. If you have a yard get her into gardening and have her do research on what to plant and how. Just give it enough thought and you will come up with something.