BDSM

BDSM

Rose91 • May 15, 2018

So I'm really into BDSM but my fiance doesn't like the concept of it. I've done the research and showed him and been nothing but supportive yet he still wont....what do I do? I'm not trying to force him but it would be nice if he tried.

Cilantro​(dom male) • May 15, 2018

Perhaps explaining what specific aspects of it you're interested in, also give a basic descriptive explanation of it, making clear it is important to you to share the experience, maybe? Good luck

Rose91 • May 15, 2018

I've tried all that....

Cilantro​(dom male) • May 15, 2018

Well, if he's not interested, it may be because he feels uncomfortable with things done to him, if that is your focus, you could start with things done to you instead.

Rose91 • May 15, 2018

Ive told him I'm a sub and that everything would be done to me not him.

Cilantro​(dom male) • May 15, 2018

Mmm, hopefully he will change his mind over time, don't give up, the best of luck to you.

Rose91 • May 15, 2018

Thank you

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 16, 2018

You have had a life time to understand your kinks. He however, doesn't sound hard wired for kink that doesn't mean he can't enjoy aspects of it (for you). Give him time to understand and process just what this all means to YOU and then how he fits into this. He will have to rewire all his thinking process when it comes to 'sex and intimacy' not to mention society views that he grew up with. That (just mentioned)_ is a lot to over come or over look part of. It will take awhile to mesh the two worlds together (if he does want to) . Granted you may not get the whole box and dice game that you want but he might be able to play some games that do resonate your needs. There are loads of books that could help him under stand you (personally I suggest you start with this, him understanding you! play can come later. He needs to know YOU and understand you and your needs FIRST) a book that springs to mind is "when someone you love is kinky" by Dossie Easton is easy read and non threatening. Your kinks will not vanish, they will not simply go away if not acted on. He needs to understand this about you. He deserves the right to informed consent as this effects his sex and intimacy for what could be the rest of your lives together.

I've also found, how you present kink can often help a partner accept changes easier (if they wish to try). I once heard it explained like this....think of kink like a alcoholic drink, in a brown paper bag it could get rejected but in a pretty glass with paper umbrella and little fruit, its easier to become an alcoholic LOL OK granted the analogy sucks and doesn't read very SSC but it does have a point. Things like swapping out rope for silk scarves or ribbons can make a huge difference on mind set and acceptance. Its a prettier, cleaner.. less mainstream porn version of kink. Often preconceived notions can cause a block with us even realizing.

Best of luck. Hang in there..hopefully time will make a difference

Rose91 • May 16, 2018

Thank you this helps alot I'll try introducing softer element's like silk scarves! He actually grabbed me by the hair and shoved my face into a pillow last night and went to town. So y'all's advice is helping thank you all so much!

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 16, 2018

Thats fantastic news. keep us all posted Rose91