Can we normalize not using suicide/self harm as a threat?

Can we normalize not using suicide/self harm as a threat?

Jazlyn​(masochist female) • Mar 28, 2025

So many times when I have rejected someone, wanted to leave a friendship/relationship, and other things, people have resorted to saying "I'm going to kill myself/put myself in danger." This happened to me a lot when I was still a child and had a fragile mind. I truly felt responsible for other people attempting suicide or putting themselves at risk. This isn't a casual thing you should just say to someone to get sympathy, pity, or whatever fucked up revenge you seek. It's spineless and disgusting.

If you are thinking of committing suicide, get help from a professional on a hotline for free. People who are not professionals don't have the training to help you, and they are probably going through some rough shit too.

ExploringEmily​(sub female) • Mar 28, 2025

You're describing manipulation.

Is the person in question depressed and potentially in danger? Perhaps. That still doesn't mean YOU are a solution to that problem.

I have observed the corresponding unhealthy response of someone believing that they were personally responsible for keeping someone safe, and that's just as much self important BS as suggesting that someone else is responsible for keeping you safe from yourself.

If someone is looking for codependency, that's their problem.

So, yeah, normalize calling manipulation what it is.

Ew.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 28, 2025

Absolutely 100%

SageFlame​(sub female) • Mar 28, 2025

Like ExploringEmily said it is a manipulation. They are trying to get a response from you. This may or may not be a conscious choice as this type of response often begins in childhood. It is a maladaptive behavior and 100% their responsibility. An adult is never responsible for another adults mental health. It's all part of co-dependent addiction. To normalize not threatening suicide would mean first making mental wellness a normal part of our lives. I think that is a great idea!

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 28, 2025

That's a sticky wicket because while one adult is not responsible for the actions of another, if the one who makes the suicide threat follows through, the one who ignores said threat gets to live with that and it's a lousy existence, for quite a while anyway.

So... Am I suggesting you (RHET) let them manipulate you? Not at all.

Rather, tell them what they want to hear all the while doing whatever is needed to get them the help / intervention that they need, from those qualified to do so even if that means notifying mental health professionals aware of the threat so the individual making it won't be able to follow through. It's for his or her own good and most of the time they'll appreciate it in the future. After that, the relationship is obviously toxic and cannot continue. Let them know that it's over at a safer time. At that point you've done all you can, severed the destructive relationship and whether they take full advantage of the help made available or not is on them not you.

That's a lot easier to live with and move past.

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 28, 2025

It is manipulation, and is called being a drama queen. I have no patience for that kind of thing. If someone was really serious about taking such a drastic step, then often, they won't actually say anything!

I've known at least five people who have ended their lives. Two of those were, in part, a result of substance abuse issues, where they battled their addictions most of their adult lives to the point where they simply waved the white flag and surrendered to them. The other three- there was no warning sign, no drama queen type theatrics, just... one day, they simply went through with it. Eerily, in one of these cases I had spoken with my buddy earlier that same night. He didn't seem the least bit despondent or emotionally out of sorts. So when I found out that I was, basically, one of the last few people who had seen him alive, I kind of freaked out- more than a little bit.

And I have been there myself, at the brink of despair. I know what it feels like. I won't elaborate further, as it was quite a while ago and therefore irrelevant. At the time, I can at least say honestly that I didn't say anything about it to anyone, so as not to cause drama. Out of respect for people around me, I didn't want to go out like that, and I won't, And never will thankfully. I no longer feel that way and am grateful for every day and for the wonderful people in my life.

The person described by the original poster is likely just a drama queen trying to be emotionally manipulative, even if he doesn't actually realize that is what he is doing. Anyone with such a pattern of behavior should, for their own good as well as others in their lives, seek help.

Jazlyn​(masochist female) • Mar 29, 2025

This is exactly how I felt when I was in that situation. I said "Hey.. you really need help."—Them: "I don't want help." Me: "I'm really worried, I don't know how to help you." Them: "Well you're leaving, you staying was the only thing keeping me going. Now I have nothing to live for, I'm worthless now and my life is meaningless." Me: "Okay.. I'll stay.."

3 years later, now everything is much worst..

Me: "I realize now that even me staying never solved your suicidal thoughts or internal issues. You're not my responsibility even though I made myself feel like I was. It's time for me to look out for myself and my own mental health now.."—Them: "I realized how much of a burden I placed on you, I'm sorry."

So at least things ended well, I still don't know what will happen, but my mental state is too fucked up to continue and at some point I had to start caring about myself and taking responsibility of the people I choose to be in my life.

Like you said, I really hope that they appreciate all I tried doing, but they clearly denied help. Even said they don't trust any mental health professionals at all because they only do their job for money and not out of caring, and that they'd just end up in a mental institution. 3 years of the exact same answer every time, but now I'm finally done with the insanity.