Mistresses seeking slaves in dating posts - requesting clarification

Mistresses seeking slaves in dating posts - requesting clarification

techsubforyou​(sub male) • May 15, 2025

Mistresses and Switches, please help me get my head around dating posts where the Domme is seeking a slave.

What I have noticed is that there is a lot of variability in what different Domme's call slavery. Often declaring themselves with expert experience, yet slavery can mean everything from:
- slave in a sexual dynamic only (regular life not as a slave?)
- selective TPE; not necessarily 24/7
- varied acknowledgement of limits or what limits mean as a slave
- traditional M/s TPE where the final decision made is to accept being a slave; living in high/med/low protocol

Now, I am definitely a high control sub male. TPE intrigues me. I may be a potential slave to a very trusted Mistress mixing high control and love. But...I don't know how to think or approach dating profiles where she's seeking a slave. Should I pay more attention to what the rest of the profile has or doesn't have? A real life perspective vs a low effort focus just on the kink side (which to me is a flag). I used to avoid these slave profiles as it's a major leap to start into that high control dynamic in a brand new relationship.

Any advice how I should be looking at this moving forward? Thank you!

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • May 15, 2025

Definitions for just about any subject with in the lifestyle (including that last word) for decades now.

The thing is people take things that have a certain meaning and attempt to make it their own, or just ignore words that is what they really mean and substitute something else.

The main thing is to commutate with a given Domme and make sure you two have a similar definition for a given subject.

Steellover​(sub male) • May 15, 2025

That's the key; since meanings of words can be so ambiguous these days, it is worth getting some clarification as to what specifically the dominant is seeking. Since "Mistress seeks slave" can have a whole slew of different meanings involving different levels of commitment. As you said above.

And, the collorary, it is worth filling out your profile to explicitly exactly what YOU are seeking. What level of submission, commitment, relationship, romance, kink, etc. YOU want in the relationship you are seeking.

Its been my experience that some women are seeking nothing more than a full-time indentured servant; a slave in the classic (example, pre-Civil War American South, or Greco-Roman) sense, with neither kink nor romance as a part of the deal. They want someone to do housework, run errands, cook, clean, etc- no strings attached. (and no toys, cuffs, or paddles either.) Others are seeking a female led relationship which may- or may not! - include any kink/BDSM play. And any number of things. Again, I would hope that they would state this in their profile.

techsubforyou​(sub male) • May 15, 2025

Thank you Steellover. You've given me some good points. I'll be giving a lot of attention to making sure profiles are accurately expressing what I'm seeking.

Sad to think so many of these Domme's are only in it for the servant aspect. I'm under no illusion that my wants are secondary, but overall it's a relationship. Presumably long-term, its a balance of love and romance with power exchange. At the level that makes sense for that dynamic. I'm sure there are service and emotional masochists who'd chime in to defend that level of service. Personally, I need love and care to feed devotion. Too much neglect in my past to add that same thing to a power exchange dynamic!

subtoyou​{Yes} • May 15, 2025

Being patient for my life long desires of worshiping my precious goddesses, all day, every day. Desire to eat pussy, licking ass, kissing, licking armpits, sucking nipples, nibbling and rubbing down .
Delivering a quality unseen. I need a mistress to worship, please consider

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • May 17, 2025

I'm going for a short answer today but its pretty much in line with what Tokepa said


Why not just simply ask her, what is her definition of slavery is? Getting on the same page doesn't need to hard. If she can't answer that simple question for you, she might not be right for you to begin with.

for years i've used this https://collarncuffs.com/the-nine-degrees-of-submission/ as a way to get the conversation rolling on just what I mean. Maybe it could help you too

techsubforyou​(sub male) • May 18, 2025

MissBonnie, Thank you so much for that link! In all the materials I’ve read and found I hadn’t seen such a succinct progression described. Bookmarked!

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • May 19, 2025

You are most welcome techsubforyou. I wish I could take personal credit for it. i've had it on my site for over 20 years!
Cage also has some good pages https://thecage.co/library.php on dating and suggestion on how to talk through things. Well worth the read.

Steellover​(sub male) • May 19, 2025

Agreed. That is a really good article. (thanks by the way.) After reading it, I rated myself probably at between 5 and 6 on the scale (true submissive play slave or uncomitted short term...) because I would be dishonest with myself and with my partner if I tried to rate myself higher than that. I just have too much else going on in my life- job, hobbies, recreation, social life, etc. to be a full time slave, but I could easily see myself becoming a part time consensual real slave...(7 on the scale) given time, with the right live-in partner, and in the right situation. In fact that might be my end relationship goal, but there would of course have to be real love, and romance, involved for it to happen like that.

But right now... I'm actually at zero,- not in any relationship and with only "Vanilla" dating partners.

A long while ago, I once had a short term partner who wanted me to go from zero to about 8 or 9 right off the bat- and I had to be honest with her that I wasn't ready for that yet.
Because there wasn't that communication early on, I didn't really know what I was getting into with her, and I thought initially the attraction was there.
So it didn't work out. It about broke my heart, too.

House Talion​(dom male) • May 21, 2025

A slave is property. They:
-do as they're told
-are unable to own property cause the ARE property
-act as previously determined by their owner

Being a slave does NOT require:
-a contract
-financial tributes
-sexual activity

The Owner in question regaurdless of role or title will most commonly:
-degrade and/or humiliated
-use what you want against you
-require tribute in exchange for attention
-describe themselves in the best ways
-claim experience without proof

The sub in question has the right to:
-give or withdraw consent at any time until mutual consent of being owned
-choose of whom they submit to
-decide what they want from the dynamic they want